To have expected more from my ds?

[gerbilfur]

Maybe I am.

Ds is 10. Today is my birthday. And I've had the worst birthday ever, as I have had to go to my dad's funeral.

Ds made me a card but only after I handed him the card and felt tips to make one and it was a very half arsed attempt.

No niceties, no offering to make me a drink or a snack or asking me if I'd like to watch something on TV. All day its just been the usual demands of snacks and drinks while hw watches YouTube. And yes I do tell him to get his own stuff.

I just feel let down because I vividly remember being his age and making a fuss of my dm on her birthday, picking her flowers or drawing her a picture or something.

Am I being oversensitive?

You're being a bit oversensitive I would say, as he is only a kid. Don't be too hard on him. But it's understandable. I am soooo sorry about your dad.

And happy birthday. Sorry it's been shit. Maybe have some wine and nibbles and watch a good movie on telly! Hope next year's is better!

Im so sorry to hear about your dad.
I'm guessing if it's your dads funeral, it also means it's your DSs grandad's funeral? Is he also grieving in a childlike way?
Has he known anyone who died before?

I'm not sure you can expect a 10 yr old to acknowledge your grief in the same way that an adult would. I'd expect a partner to be fetching you food and drinks and comforting you. And also recognising that it's doubly shit with it being your birthday too. But maybe not a 10 yr old?

Write this birthday off - you can go hard next year - and grieve for your dad

I am sorry about your father but I think you are expecting a bit to much from a 10 year old

YABU. He's 10. He's also grieving the loss of his granddad. He probably needs a hug and to know his mum loves him, not to feel like he's not good enough.

He’s ten and he’s lost his grandad.

I’m sorry for your loss but (kindly said) you’re the adult. He doesn’t have to take care of you. It’s like you want him to provide you with the support a partner might which isn’t fair on him. Please don’t be cross with him.

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like a really difficult day .

I think at 10 most children take their lead from adults so if they see your DP (or any other important adult) planning to make a fuss for your birthday, they are likely to follow suit. If not, they are unlikely to realise they are supposed to do so.

Next year I'd prompt him with ideas of what you would like him to do in advance and discuss why it's important to you. Honestly though OP, I wouldn't read too much into it. It's much more likely that he doesn't fully understand that he should make an effort than any reflection of his feelings towards you.

Yes, boys of that age need telling. You would be best off doing a nice activity for your birthday with him a bit later on (you should celebrate it in a few weeks).