Family member/child sex abuse images. Can anyone answer this particular question for me?

[ColouredOwly]

Last year DHs family member was charged with viewing (making) indecent images of children. Categories A B and C. Equipment seized, they've admitted it, sentencing sometime this year.

His siblings all have children. He does not.

My question is this: Can anyone tell me why would only some of his siblings and their spouses be interviewed by police/social services - in depth, called individually to go to be interviewed - and others not approached by anyone at all?! Even a phone call. Why would there be such a huge difference? When we're all in the same boat?

We all have young children, all had roughly the same amount of physical contact with this man over the years and all live roughly the same distance from his home address.

I'm struggling to cope with this situation. (Not helped by attitude of certain members of the family). I can't talk to anyone about it. This question has been bugging me for 6 months and i wondered if anyone here would be able to shed some light on this.

TIA

They won't disown him and for their sanity they have had to find excuses for him. These excuses have slowly turned into 'reasons'. Once their is a 'reason' for something you can get a bit creative over 'fault'. That's what i think's happened.

That’s not uncommon in families tbh, it’s can be very hard to acknowledge someone has committed that kind of offence, and to maintain a relationship with them if that’s what they choose to do. I think there’s also at times a view that it was “just” images, without recognising there’s a child at the other end of that image who has been victimised and harmed in the process.

It might be good to talk to other family members who feel similarly to you - if for no other reason than to stop you doubting or second guessing your feelings on this.

The police are not operating like they did in the past, since they are struggling under cuts so I would guess that once they have made their case and covered anyone who seems to have direct information, they are done with talking to people.

I would see not being spoken to as being a good thing, it means that there is no way you are involved surely?

We had something similar with my cousin but as he admitted everything only one family member was spoken to - one he had tried to blame for his “troubles” we had a different view though that everyone practically disowned him because they didn’t want others finding out.

mbosnz Right from the start from my point of view it was all about DH (apart from the initial panic in case our own DC were somehow involved obvs). For a long time last year DH was really really fragile and i helped him through what was very obvious stages of grief, almost. For the family member he felt he'd 'lost'.

Under normal circs. me and DH would have met up with the part of the family who i think are less inclined to toe the party line more than once by now. but of course; covid. It would have been refreshing and helpful for DH to have had face to face talk with these people. It would have been helpful for me to have spoken to a person in the same family position as me. Having to help their DH. But we haven't been able to do that and the dust has settled leaving this massive elephant in the room.

Jellycatspyjamas i totally agree re: not ''just images''. It's horrific. Horrific.

It might be good to talk to other family members who feel similarly to you - if for no other reason than to stop you doubting or second guessing your feelings on this.

Funnily enough i have been guilty of second guessing my feelings. Not about the seriousness of what he did, but weather it might be better to allow my own feelings to just fall numb - for my own sake. The way i'm feeling is the right way to feel, but hiding anger and disgust is exhausting.

WannabemoreWeaver yes you're right. They have what they need to prosecute so it would be pointless working their way through the whole family i guess.

Chanandlerbong01 Not being spoken to was a good thing in DHs POV. I think it would have broken him. I was half actually hoping for a phone call though. And it never came.

I'm thinking my hopes that he gets a custodial sentence will also be dashed. I'm 99% certain he wont get one. He has been put on an offenders register though. So that's something.

My cousin didn’t get a sentence. He then vanished and started a new life elsewhere doing god knows what. It’s a horrible feeling not knowing where he is and what he is doing (for other peoples sake not ours)