To suggest we should all be taking better care of our sexual health and getting tested regularly

[Lockheart]

Yes, even if you're in a committed, long-term relationship. And so should your partner.

This is inspired by a few threads I've seen recently.

It's not mortifying, or embarrassing, or a moral failure. It does not make you dirty or unclean if you have an STI. I see so many threads on here where someone is horrified at having to go for an STI check and they've never ever had one before. Please don't be. It's just another part of basic health maintenance which we should all be doing like dental check-ups.

If you are or have ever been sexually active, you should be getting tested regularly, from every couple of years or so to every few months. Regardless of sexual orientation, number of partners, or protection used. You (and your partner - don't take no for an answer if you want to move to unprotected sex) should especially get tested before starting a new sexual relationship when you're planning to use contraception other than condoms or femidoms.

You wouldn't neglect any other part of your health, or your partner's health, the same way.

STIs can lie dormant for many years. You can be in a faithful, long-term relationship (an STI is not, in and of itself, proof of infidelity) and still nasty little buggers like genital warts, herpes, or even syphilis can raise their heads suddenly from that unfortunate one night stand back in your first year at uni.

Chlamydia is asymptomatic in ~50% of women and ~70% of men. It would be surprisingly easy for both partners in a relationship to have it and for neither to have the faintest idea. You can carry this for years and it can have seriously detrimental effects on your fertility among other things.

Other infections can have similarly low-level symptoms that you may not even notice.

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/how-soon-do-sti-symptoms-appear/

Tests can also fail or provide false negatives, usually due to poor sampling or the test simply not looking for a specific infection.

So for gods sake, please start getting yourselves tested. It should be the rule and not the exception. In lots of places in the UK, you don't even need to go to a clinic (especially pertinent now with covid), you can do a free NHS test at home. These usually consist (for women) of a vaginal swab and a finger prick blood sample. It takes 5-10 minutes. Assorted links below:

National service which works with the NHS to deliver free home test kits: sh24.org.uk/about-sh24#operating-regions (note that this is an NHS-affiliated service and is not comprehensive. I, for example, live in London and can't use this service, however I can use the link below!).

London: www.shl.uk/

Berkshire: www.safesexberkshire.nhs.uk/sexual-health-matters/order-sti-home-test-kit/

Hampshire: www.letstalkaboutit.nhs.uk/worried-about-stis/order-a-test-online/

East Midlands and East Anglia; www.icash.nhs.uk/contraception-sexual-health/postal-self-test-kits

Oxfordshire: www.sexualhealthoxfordshire.nhs.uk/sti/kits/

West Sussex: www.sexualhealthwestsussex.nhs.uk/order-a-free-online-sti-self-test-kit-here/online-testing-information/

There are lots more, so check the NHS trust in your local area. The kits are not always completely comprehensive, some trusts do kits which target only the most common infections, but are a good check to keep up every year.

Of course, if you have symptoms, you must go and see an actual doctor. And make sure you know what you are being tested for - STIs can be missed if the tests aren't tailored correctly. So if you have reason to suspect you may have a specific infection, tell your doctor.

And in a similar vein, please also go for your smear test! (NB: having done several of both, I can say that STI checks are a walk in the fucking park compared to a smear test).

But please don't be embarrassed, or feel like it's something to be judged for. You wouldn't feel awkward over a blood pressure check. It's just another part of your body which needs looking after!

I wish MN had an edit button. That should be 50% of men and 70% of women are asymptomatic for chlamydia... The point still stands!

Thanks, but it’s not for me. I don’t do screening of any kind because I’m very low risk and the potential for false positives leading to unnecessary treatment is a significant disincentive. It’s not embarrassment, it’s just that these things should be about individual choice. If I were lucky enough to have a history of regular sex with multiple partners I might see it differently!

But I totally agree with you that an STI is nothing to be ashamed of, and we definitely need a shift in attitudes around that.

For the first 3 years of our relationship, DP and I got tested annually, exactly because of the reason above. The last time we both went, the nurse told us that anything that was lying dormant would have passed, so we stopped!

Good luck with getting STI testing at the moment. Why would you with the NHS under such strain if you're in a longterm relationship anyway? Fair enough if you have many partners.

That's a massive cost to the NHS.

I did when I was young (aids was about and unprotected sex was seen as a massive risk generally, looking back it was silly, I was in a very low risk group at that time).

Anyway. Who is going to pay for it all? What's the point? If you're single or in a relationship with no sex then why? Women who have sex with women were always very low risk, like incredibly low risk of getting STDs.

Do anon gum clinics even exist any more?

All tests come with a risk of false positives. Low risk but it's there.

If you always use condoms...

And yes. To assume your OH is putting it about is a bit bonkers. If I said to DH we should get STD tests he'd think, well you can imagine!

And my mum, does she need one?

I don't get your post TBH.

What is your driver for posting it? Seems a bit random.

'It's not mortifying, or embarrassing, or a moral failure. It does not make you dirty or unclean if you have an STI'

You saying that, psychologically reinforces it by the way.

I don't think any of those things. But you've just reminded me that it's a standard way to think.

'
You wouldn't neglect any other part of your health, or your partner's health, the same way.'

Why is my partner's health down to me, by the way?

Seems kind of a waste of resources, I've been married to the same person for 20 years.

It really does.

I really don't get the OP. I assume there's some background.

If you are or have ever been sexually active, you should be getting tested regularly, from every couple of years or so to every few months.

Nope. Absolutely no need; childhood sweethearts, only slept with each other, together for 20 years.

Don’t be so sanctimonious, OP.

I've been with my husband for 10 years and neither of us had an STI before we met. We had both been checked, so I really don't see how it would benefit either of us by regularly getting tested when we've only been with each other for the last decade.

Utterly ridiculous.

OP FFS what world do you live in

Agree with all the PPs and also I’m not sure the bedrock of a happy relationship is getting STI tests annually in case one of you has shagged someone else.

I had a bad case of thrush once and the GP very strongly implied that I'd need an STI test because "how can you be sure your husband isn't cheating on you?"

Saw a different doctor - lo and behold, thrush. Fucked me off massively that the previous GP would overlook the obvious to suggest I was some sort of naive fool.

I might sound like a mug to most people for saying this (I don't care) but my husband categorically would not cheat on me. I wouldn't cheat on him. Why would I need an STI test routinely?

Every few months? I've been married for 18 years. I think they've got better things to do than waste time on me!

I am single by choice now so the only sex I get is with my little friend from Love Honey, but when I was sexually active I got tested every six months as a standard thing, even if I'd only been with one person or worn protection.

Good job too as I once had chlamydia, no symptoms!

But when I was married I never ever saw the need to get a test (until he cheated 🙄). We got tested when we first started dating and never after that.

My info is possibly way out of date but when I worked in the communicable disease surveillance centre in the early 90s

Our main focus was injecting drug users and men who had sex with men.

Things have moved on obviously. That sounds like stereotyping now.

In the end though it was about understanding which groups were at most risk and targeting them through various initiatives to reduce infection rates.

I was in HIV but there was a correlation with HIV and other STAs.

It's best to focus your efforts on where they will help most.

As I say. IDUs and men who had sex with men were our primary target group.

Now I think there are other factors although with the reduction in worry about HIV with prep etc I'm sure things have changed.

The point is that some groups/ people are more at risk than others. For a variety of reasons.

A couple in their 60s who haven't had opportunity or inclination to stray. And have been married for 40 years. Irrespective of sexuality.

Why do they need to introduce doubt, anxiety (waiting for test results is always worrying!) and soak up NHS resources?

They are extremely low risk. Low risk to nil risk.

This would bring the NHS to it's knees if everyone did it!

OP I assume you have a personal reason for posting this.

And using the word 'dirty' in your OP is. Bizarre.

You know these tests cost £££s, right? You would be shocked how much it costs the NHS. I work in pathology and can see the requisitions.
I would recommend a private service if I were you, as these tests are only given when clinically indicated or as part of fertility investigations. There’s no logical reason for people in long term monogamous relationships to be tested repeatedly.

NHS budgets would say otherwise.
I'm in multiple relationships (all 3 for over 15 years, way less exciting than it sounds) so back when my boyfriends occasionally saw new people I'd get tested annually.

Except the hospital really didn't see the point, telling me quite bluntly "you're the first non-prostitute woman we've seen in months. Don't bother."

The guys can do home testing now, so we all avoid test centres.

Good luck getting tested on the NHS. The only service in my area was a sit and wait, one morning per week. When I turned up half an hour after it opened, I learnt that only the people who were queuing outside before it opened had a chance at a slot. And some of those then had to wait several hours. There was no way to book an appointment in advance.

Not very feasible if you work full time.

It's a no from me, dawg.

I think you are deliberately scaremongering (and weird).

Absolutely not. I wouldn't do it nor would I ever ask someone else to. I've always been on the pill. I know I don't have anything and for one night stands and long term relationships I've always taken my chances and trusted the other person. I've never ever used condoms and never ever would, I hate the idea of them and don't see why anyone would purposely choose to use them at all, they whole idea seems horrible to me.

Also I was raped at 16 and I still remember sitting in the clinic having tests and swabs taken from everywhere like it was yesterday (was nearly 12 years ago now). I know what it's like having those tests and I wouldn't ever want to put myself through that again.

Yanbu. Once I'd been having sex a few years, I would go and get a full sexual health screening every now and then because I thought it was the done thing. Also was always told to make sure a new partner has one as well but when I mentioned it to others I was met with raised eyebrows. I assumed they were being immature but I realised it's not actually the standard thing to do in the UK

No because I trust my husband and I'm not paranoid. I'm not sleeping with anyone else and neither is he, so it's pointless.