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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To discuss more maintenance..

35 replies

Del29 · 02/03/2021 20:01

Hi all! I have a DS with an ex. We split when I was pregnant. He was on a low income but living with parents at the time so we arranged £30 a week. He was okay paying it for a while but it would be a hit and miss when he had new girlfriends etc or when he’d spend it all on booze so I went through the old csa who calculated around £40 a week so it was took out his wages. Since then the csa went over to the new system and my ex was keen to sort our own arrangement to avoid the fees. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt now he’s matured a little it seems and he carried on paying £40 a week. Saying that rather than paying me £160 4 weekly, it’s actually £160 a month on a specific date the same date each month so it’s actually less than £40 a week but I’m not going to get that nit picky. But paying it the same date every month means he misses 4 weeks of payments every year!

Anyway...

DS is 10 so a long time has gone by now. It’s obvious my ex is earning considerably more. Nice house, nice car, holidays. His 2 younger kids seem to have everything (lives with them with their mum). He’s even bleddy boasted about a pay rise 🤣 (he is a very show off type of guy!) yet he never mentioned upping payments - I just left it. We get by and don’t really need the money! But handy for DS for any extra clothes, uniform etc etc.

He lives locally and I was recently looking through job sites. A job very similar to what he does in the same place (if not the same job - few people work alongside each other doing similar roles which I’m aware of as have friends who work there). It’s quite a comfortable wage.

I’ve added it to the cms calculator and it’s saying he should be paying quite a bit more - even with the 2 younger kids he has! I’m sure on exact figures he earns but an estimate saying around £60-70 a week.

Aibu to discuss? I’m not the type to demand money at all but it wound be handy. as DS is getting older everything is getting more expensive. I’m a stay at home mum and dp has provided for both DS and younger Dc we have together and it seems unfair!

Wwyd? Leave it? Bring it up? Contact the cms?

Dp is saying to leave as we don’t need it. But we aren’t rich.

OP posts:

LaceyBetty · 02/03/2021 22:55

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

You’re paying for the bulk of your son’s costs. Take every penny of the little his dad is obliged to contribute

Not sure how as the OP says she doesn’t work.

Whilst I agree he should pay the right amount, I’d personally feel cheeky asking for more if I wasn’t paying myself.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Just because her husband supports the family this boy's father can abscond from his obligations (assuming he does owe more maintenance)?

mummywantstobeslim · 02/03/2021 22:57

It wouldn't hurt to raise the question of more maintenance but if he is paying higher taxes now or debts etc it's possible he won't be required to pay you extra.
Cm is surprisingly low down on the lists of compulsory deductions after taxes, debts etc

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/03/2021 23:17

What sort of debts do they reduce your child support for? Surely his debts are his responsibility.

mineofuselessinformation · 02/03/2021 23:33

Go with CMS. It's the absolute minimum any parent should be paying - and it sounds like your ex is trying to avoid it.
He might not like it, but that's tough luck on his part.
He can kick up as much of a stink as he likes, but you always have the fall-back of getting it collected from his wages if he won't comply (and while you have to accept a slightly smaller amount, he will have to suck up the embarrassment of his employers knowing you have had to use that measure).
Good luck.

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 02/03/2021 23:38

Id go through cms. He has had a pay rise and said he would pay more maintenance, but isnt even paying you the agreed £40 per week. He is a snake.

Original poster

Del29 · 03/03/2021 07:43

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

You’re paying for the bulk of your son’s costs. Take every penny of the little his dad is obliged to contribute

Not sure how as the OP says she doesn’t work.

Whilst I agree he should pay the right amount, I’d personally feel cheeky asking for more if I wasn’t paying myself.

Dp works and pays for everything (which he has no issues with). I really don’t want to go into details here regarding why I’m not working but both my children have additional needs which is making it incredibly harder to find and hold down a job mixed in with covid, schools off, no jobs etc! Don’t be so quick to judge!

OP posts:

Original poster

Del29 · 03/03/2021 07:45

I met dp when DS was 1 year old. We moved in together when DS was 3. He has provided more for DS than his own dad ever has! Not just financially!

OP posts:

CircleofWillis · 03/03/2021 08:05

I would contact him and give him a chance to raise the amount using the CMS calculator before the next payment.

Let him know that any delay and you will leave it to CMS to calculate.

FortniteBoysMum · 03/03/2021 08:25

@Del29 your welcome. Tell your dp you may not need it but your child is entitled to it. Why should they get less when their siblings over there get time and more money.

LaceyBetty · 03/03/2021 09:13

@Del29

I met dp when DS was 1 year old. We moved in together when DS was 3. He has provided more for DS than his own dad ever has! Not just financially!

I wouldn't feel the need to explain myself! The arrangement at your house is your business. Has absolutely no bearing on what the father should be paying for his own child.

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