TO THINK I AM NOT GOING TO GET UPSET BECAUSE THEY ARE HAVING A SECOND CHILD?

[hifi]

really annoyed with one of dh friends, he called dh at the weekend and before he would announce their news asked if i was in the room. they are having a second baby. after ten years of fertility treatment, failed adoption blah blah blah we now have a beautiful dd, why would he think i would be bothered when i wasnt bothered about the first?

i do appreciate when we were going through all the other hoo ha maybe his sensitivity was welcome, but not now.

He probably said that because he didn't want to upset you and he's upset you anyway! I don't think he meant to, he was just trying to spare you feelings, however misplaced he was!

You are annoyed because he was thinking about your feelings?!

YABU. Curse those thoughtful friends. They are clearly evil b'stards

the thing that annoys me is with their first he actually broke the news to me first, i was delighted for them and told him so, just wondering why hes being so cagey with the second. it is lovely them being thaughtful but just makes me wonder when i havent given them cause for concern, or think i havent, do all people think like this when friends cant have their own?

I think you are over-analysing a bit. Maybe just reassure them that you are incredibly happy for them and put it behind you

allright maybe being a bit sensitive about people thinking im sensitive and actually im not.

just had a long time of having to reassure other friends family etc on their birth announcements and cant bear it all starting again .

Unfortunalty whatever happens to us in life, and I have had years of m/c and ectopics. People are gonna have babies....if we get upset its our problem and not thiers...they have a right to be happy regardless of how we are or feel.

totally agree beeper, i dont get upset though.

I think I would rather have friends who were over-protective of mine and dh's feelings than not bothered tbh so yabu - I can see where you're coming from though - perhaps you could make a big thing of saying 'I'm so pleased to hear your news' etc etc next time you see them - then you won't need to worry that they are worried that you are upset iyswim?
(Sorry tried to be clear but I don't think its working )

i will northernlurker

I know what the OP means, albeit on a different emotional level (ie, something less profound): I used to go out with a guy who treated me pretty bad and dumped me quite hard when we were at uni, and it took me a while to get over him - but get over him I did. At least a decade after he and I had finished dating, DP and I were visiting a good friend of mine. She waited until DP had left the room, and said very gently: 'Policy, I just want to let you know that Twat Guy is getting married. I did't want to tell you in front of DP in case you were upset.'

It made me really upset and cross, but of course not in the way she had anticipated!

Perhaps when they were expecting their first he didn't appreciate how precious babies are to their parents . He probably had no idea what it was going to be like , now after being a parents he may realise( a little) what upset and disappointment you may have had over the years.

He was being protective and very thoughful , dont knock that in friends.

YABU.