Online dating. God give me strength

[BLTLover]

I give up. Talking to a nice guy supposedly for a week. Starting talking about going on a walk etc. Spoke tonight all fine then he deleted his profile. What's the point honestly

Ffs mally. No one is normal what a shock after 5 years

My experience of OLD has been: it's really only good for people you "know" IRL. Like ex co-workers, a friend of a friend, someone you went to school with.

That's definitely been my experience over the years. I met a couple of decent guys via tinder but in all cases they were known to me in some way.

I met a complete stranger at the end of last year. Chatted loads, couple of walking dates, couple of coffee dates. Popped over on his lunchbreak... stupidly I repeat, stupidly, don't ever do this ended up in bed. I thought it was fine I mean we're not teenagers anymore and that's A LOT of graft for a one lunch-break stand, right?

Nope. Never heard from him after the initial few post-first-sex messages.

Anyway... now I'm dating (properly dating) someone who isn't such a weirdo. I met him on Tinder but... he's my brother's best friend who has apparently fancied me since we were teens 😂 I actually have the guy on Facebook, he could have initiated this at anytime, but like I said... OLD is best for people you already "know".

I met a guy online who knows a friend. We shagged then he got rid of me.

I'm probably going to get roasted for this...

A very long time ago probably about 17yrs, I was talking to a builder guy from up north from a site.

After about a week, his conversations and emails were getting a bit weird, as in the timelines and details weren't normal. As if he was having conversations with some else but forgetting and telling sending it to me.

So I guessed his password to his email account, one of his daughters names
And saw that he was talking to 20 plus different women. There were scores of emails, obviously started at different times, depending on how long he had been in contact with them.

Some women he had met, and a couple were professing undying love, it was really heart breaking. So I sent all his emails to each of the women, and CC'd in everyone, so he was busted in a huge way.

I know it was wrong, but Karma is a bitch as they say

I nearly gave up after phoning a man for the first time at a pre-arranged time, got as far as saying, hi, its hollyhocksarenotmessy, and he hung up. I must have an off putting voice! Then there was the obvious control freak. And loads of pervy old men wanting sex with someone 25 years younger than them. And pervy young men wanting sex lessons from someone 25 years older than them.

Thought I'd give it a final go with the last prospective connection. Found DP!

At least you got out quickly. I deleted my profile, but not after chatting for a week with someone. Wont go into it, but the men on internet dating sites are pretty much not worth bothering with.

And men IRL can be equally disappointing IME.

@BLTLover massive shock at the time back at christmas but looking back now I was in a very abusive relationship, I mean he was literally charged in winter 2018 with domestic violence against myself which I always thought was my fault for some reason. It's been a hard recovery and it would be so much easier not stuck in a lockdown unable to meet new people

I have tried the apps Bumble and Hinge and find them a vast improvement in OLD. They give the woman all the power. Men can only contact you if you have chosen them first. It stops all the unwanted messages and cock pics, and actually men in there seem to make more on an effort with photos and profiles. It gives you and them) prompts which make it easier to find some common ground (if any) and/or start a conversation.

I have so far met 4 men and found them all lovely, 2 of them unfortunately I could not see me being attracted to, but the other 2 I have seen a number of times now and now need to choose! Compared with my previous experience with OLD in which I didn't meet a single interesting man in a year and a half (even though I was 15 years younger than now) it is definitely much better. They are both free too.

(I am 44 by the way)

I'm on bumble and most men on there look like they'd beat me up

I’m considering trying online dating. Are there any you would completely avoid and any you would recommend.

I want a relationship not a bit of fun if that makes a difference.

I agree with the poster above that Hinge is good. I actually met the guy ive been seeing for 4 months on something called Ourtime, which is an outcrop I think of Match, but for the over 50s. He's very lovely and immensely straightforward. I'd been doing various bits of dating, mostly sex dating, for 2 years, and have met a lot of nice guys. But then most people can be nice for one afternoon with their clothes off maybe. I also got comprehensively scammed on Guardian Soulmates - i was an idiot - and learned to assume men are often one stage less divorced than they say they are.

I couldn't get on with hinge either. ffs I'm undateable

I've had mixed experiences - dated a range of entirely unsuitable (to me) men when bored living in a new city. Even on paper they were unsuitable and had red flags - it's so important to just bin people who don't fit your brief, and not hold out hope they might turn out to be different to their profile! I totally deluded myself several times. Also got properly stood up in a pub which pissed me off - no excuse for that with modern communications. Then moved city, tried again & met DP! He did tick all my boxes in his profile and his suggested first date was something slightly offbeat that I wanted to go to anyway which was a v. positive sign. Be ruthless, don't chat for ages, and if you can't be arsed anymore just stop.

I met DH on Bumble in 2016 and we got married last year. He was my third OLD real-life date. There was a lot of trawling and time wasters first though, for both of us. Most of the men either wanted no-strings one night stands or a chat and apparently DH had a few dates where the women just wanted a free nice lunch!

I was thinking of trying Happn but this thread is totally putting me off 🤣
I met now-exH on OLD but that was 15 years ago and a lot’s changed since then!

I gave up OND several years ago - it was torture. Im 46 and pretty resigned to being single for the rest of my life.

I've been doing OLD forever and apart frm a couple of short term relationships I agree it is dire. Unfortunately I am now in an age group where I get little interest.
I seldom respond to anyone, when they all look like potato heads and cannot even string a sentence together, well it's pointless.
This week I did repond to someone, whilst there was no attraction for me in his photo he could write a paragraph in his messaging but of course all about himself.
Due to partially lack of interest from me, being busy and the distance he messaged to ask if I was still interested. Alarm bells began ringing when he said he was not talking to anyone else since starting chatting to me. Be brutal he said if I was not. I decided to be brutal and told him so, but wished him well. His immediate response was to delete me. Always best to listen to your intuition.
Yesterday someone slightly more appealing than usual messaged, I responded this time. He eventually replied with a message consisting of 4 words....why bother messaging at all if you have so little to say.
I could go on with a lot worse stories.
Good luck to everyone.

I enjoy OLD. I'm happily single so just do it for fun really. I only continue with the chats I enjoy, so boring responses just get ignored. Went on about 30 dates last year, a handful of second ones; enjoyed them all even if I didn't fancy them. People might consider me a time waster - cos as I'm perfectly happy single, so they don't get to second/third date territory unless they're perfect. I don't like POF because anyone can message you. Bumble I don't like because they're usp is women in control - ie women have to do all the work! Hinge is my fave.

I'd love to be like that but the more oddbods I speak to the more I think sod it

@arethereanyleftatall

I enjoy OLD. I'm happily single so just do it for fun really. I only continue with the chats I enjoy, so boring responses just get ignored. Went on about 30 dates last year, a handful of second ones; enjoyed them all even if I didn't fancy them. People might consider me a time waster - cos as I'm perfectly happy single, so they don't get to second/third date territory unless they're perfect. I don't like POF because anyone can message you. Bumble I don't like because they're usp is women in control - ie women have to do all the work! Hinge is my fave.

See - I just don't understand this at all. Dates are grim AF. How can you possibly enjoy them?!

I met my lovely DP online but I had to filter out a lot of idiots first! We've been together 6 years now and expecting our first baby together in 6 weeks. Don't give up hope!

I've decided to stay single. It's too much effort and I dont enjoy relationships. It's not like I can change my personality to fit a relationship

Hiya, thought I'd join after a few days of lurking.

I'm 39, single just over a year and have been on POF and have just this week joined Facebook Dating.

I actually like FB Dating because it shows you people who have selected similar interests to you. Took me a day or so to get to grips with it, but basically if you see someone you like then you hit the "like" button. It sends them a notification, and if they also like you and hit their button then you're able to message each other.

Sometimes you get a comment left on one of your photos (only visible to you) but nobody can message unless there's mutual "likes".

People on your FB friends list cannot see you dating profile, by default. And anyone not on your friends list (an ex for example) can be blocked just by searching their name.

I'm liking it so far!

@Truthlikeness
Maybe I've just been lucky with them. I do chat a fair bit online before I agree to a date though, so weed out loads. They've just all been enjoyable - I've met blokes very different to my 'circle' so I've always found it interesting.