AIBU - to have a baby on my own?

[goingitalone3265]

Name changed.

I am just looking for some opinions/advice please.

In brief, I am 32, recently split from a short term partner, slept together after we split and I have just found out I'm pregnant (5 weeks). I want to keep it, he's supportive. We're not planning to get back together. Am I/are we being unreasonable?

We met in Aug last year, he is 26, get on like a house on fire, had a fairly intense few months, locked down together Nov/Dec/Jan, split, fairly amicably, end of Jan mainly because I struggle with commitment and generally find close relationships quite hard to maintain.

We saw each other socially after we'd split, ended up sleeping together and I have just found out I'm pregnant. My initial reaction was of excitement and a bit of trepidation about doing it alone. I've had 2 abortions previously (at age 29 and 30), both of which I'm certain were the right decisions, but I don't know, something is different this time.

The father is such a wonderful human, he would be a great dad, he loves me and would fully support me through the pregnancy and raising a child, as would his family. I have told him and he has said he will support me fully if I want to keep it.

I have a really supportive family and friend network too.

I think I could do it. Financially I can afford it, without support from the father, although he has said he would help.

This isn't how I imagined I'd have a baby, but then the time for how I imagined I'd have a baby has already passed me by.

The downsides I can see are, am I only considering this because of the last year and I lve forgotten what fun being young and single can be? Will I regret it?

I don't think it would be easy whatsoever, but am I mad to think it's not the worst idea ever?

Congratulations! I’d say go for it, you’re financially stable even without the father and there’s plenty of single mothers who do a great job of raising their kids alone. Although you’re not still in a relationship with the father, from what you’ve said, he sounds like he’ll be very supportive of you and baby and you’ll have a wonderful co-parenting relationship.

There’s never a perfect time to have a baby, if it feels right and you want to keep the baby, absolutely go for it! I wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy.

I’d go for it

“I struggle with commitment and generally find close relationships quite hard to maintain.”

This is the bit that jumps out at me. Even for the saints amongst us, bringing up a child entirely on your own is absolutely back breaking stuff. If (like the rest of us) you need time and space to please yourself, then you might end up seriously regretting it.

He sounds like a decent chap tho, and I don’t think I’m this day and age raising a kid on your own is anything to clutch pearls about.

Just be realistic about what you can enjoyably cope with. 18 years is a bloody big commitment.

There are a few parts of your post which jump out to me:

“I struggle with commitment and generally find close relationships quite hard to maintain.”

"The father is such a wonderful human, he would be a great dad, he loves me"

"lve forgotten what fun being young and single can be"

So - your ex is still in love with you and wants you to have his baby. Does he want you to get back together? You're wondering whether you want to keep playing the field and do what you want to do when you want to do it, or whether to make the lifelong commitment to raise a child. I'm not sure you've thought enough about this, and I'd be concerned about how emotionally stable a set up you're bringing a child into. Do you actually want kids?