to be really upset dh won't wear a poppy

[morethanmum]

I know I'm pg and a bit sentimental etc, and that he is allowed his own views but I really feel that those lucky enough to be freely walking around etc should contribute by buying and wearing a poppy. My grandad fought in the war as did many other older male relatives and so it does feel a bit personal.

i don't think you're being unreasonable in being upset. it's natural when you have relatives who fought in the war. that said, my personal problem with wearing a poppy myself is that it's so heartily endorsed by the same establishment which is sending more young men to die every day. If remembrance sunday is to mean anything, it should be about putting an end to all wars imo.

I agree with you morethan. There are some who take the view that it's contributing to the acceptance of wat etc but my view is, like you, that we're only able to exercise these freedoms because of people who really did make sacrifices and faced death.

It's the absolute minimum we can do to remember that.

but arent the poppies the symbol because of flanders fields etc and the men who died pointlessly in ww2 rather than in ww2 which was a 'just' war if there is such a thing?

i meant ww1 in my first example btw

The wearing of the poppy is a gesture. I don't wear a poppy - never have done. Doesn't mean I don't think deeply about the whole matter of WW1 and feel grateful and lucky. YAB (slightly)U.

You can be upset but you can't insist that he does. You could put an extra donation in if you like?

think i agree with you yummers. to me it is a sop to conscience. this does not mean that i do not recognise or remember the sacrifice of many.

sorry let me get this straight -you feel greatful for the conduct of our army during ww1??? why?

You've got a very good point there LoveAngel. I suppose the thing is that I think it's a gesture worth making to make it obvious that we are remembering; it's not to say we don't think about it at other times too. But I think it's good to have a focus which brings it to the fore once a year; otherwise it IS easier for the message behind it to be forgotten, and as time goes on and on there will be less and less, eventually no-one whose living memory family were involved; and lessons CAN be lost that way.

i mean to say of course i'm deeply distressed that so many young men lost their lives in ww1, but i just wondered at 'grateful'

I think, I am afraid that you are being unreasonable. He has a perfect right to wear or not wear a poppy. Why not buy another one yourslf instead?

YANBU.

If my dh didn't wear a poppy on Remembrance Sunday, I'd be bloody cross, to say the least.

But there's nothing you can do. He's entitled to his opinions ... unfortunately!

Yes I think YABU. I don't usually buy a poppy. If I did I would buy one for the elderly men who need looking after now and out of respect for older people. I don't particularly feel I should support people injured in the armed services generally as opposed to eg, the fire fighters who died over the weekend.

I also don't like the fact that all the tv people have to wear one - it's sort of obligatory unlike any other charity.

I don't object to them - it's just that it is just a charity like any other and I don't get annoyed with people who don't have direct debits to Alzheimers charities or whatever.

Yummers i think it's about recognising that human beings had the courage to put themselves in that awful deathly situation, and also acknowledging that like us, they were the little people who had no option. Fight and be killed, or don't fight and be killed anyway.

It's not about making political points about the values and decisions of establishments and governments. Not for me anyway.

Well, to all those who think it's about 'old people', I sincerely hope that you never need the help of the armed services.

Now, and as usual, I will PARP.

honoria, i agree, we do have to recognise the bravery of the young men involved in ww1. and if people want to wear poppies in order to do this then that's their choice

but personally i find this impossible to do without getting angry that the army was led so badly and that these men were used as canon fodder (or machine gun fodder)

Honoria - I agree with you about wearing one to actually make the point that we are remembering. I'm young (ish! I'm 31) and wear one to make the point to older generations that I respect what they did for this country and also to make the point to people my age and younger that they should remember what older generations went through because we have our freedoms now in no small part thanks to them.

There was a soldier who'd been in Afghanistan on breakfast tv just this morning and he said he had found it really hard to come back and find nobody is interested in what the British Army has been doing over there and how we're just obsessed with X Factor etc. and don't care about the sacrifices British forces are making right now. So I also wear my poppy for people like him so that he knows that some people remember and are grateful for what the armed forces continue to do.

I'm pg at the moment, and can guarantee that my 7 month old baby will be wearing a poppy next November

Having said all that, I hate the fact that poppies have now become obligatory on tv etc. People should be completely free to wear it or not - just as I don't wear a pink or red ribbon for breast cancer and AIDS, so nobody should be forced to wear a poppy.

BTW I definitely see the poppy as symbolising thanks and remembrance for the individual soldiers, not for the politicans and their choices. But I see that for some people wearing a poppy is a sign of support for the establishment rather than the individuals.

Really interesting - I think I see it differently to other charities because it is a whole country thing - everybody was involved in the wars, and even now, we have no real say in Iraq etc. Somehow, I think less of him for not doining in. BTW I totally want to see newsreaders etc wearing them, for the same reason, - the lack of choice and the involvement of the whole of Britain as opposed to other charities eg breast cancer or Macmillan which don't affect everybody. (Not that I am unsupportive - my dad died of cancer when I was small but I don't except other people to buy charity xmas cards for example)

If November is a time of remembering the past and present sacrifices of others, and if you do not want to do it via a poppy - the RNLI should never be forgotten for their sacrifices in war and peace. So give them a donation instead. (Both my grandfathers were in WW1, I am ancient! One of them was wounded. So I am not anti poppy day).

I thought that poppies were not only to remember those who dies in the wars, but also to give money to charities who look after those who were wounded? Maybe I'm wrong, but that's why I buy a poppy.

morethanmum why doesnt your dh want to wear a poppy? does he have a fair agrument for this?

morethanmum only read the op. Dh never gets one not because he doesn't like them or whatever, but just forgets. so i just pay double for mine iynwim

yes, i think the money goes to the british legion? it's not that i have any objection to donating charitably to war veterans and their families. I just object to war.

I didn't say I thought it was just about old people. That would actually make me be more likely to buy one because I feel as a society we don't show enough to respect to older people. I said I don't particularly feel a personal need to support injured service people over injured firemen or policemen or other people we rely on.

I'm not criticising. I'm just saying that we don't all feel obliged to buy a flower to help the families of policemen who have died and I certainly rely on the police just as much as the armed forces.