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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

By a 5am wake up from the neighbours, every day

35 replies

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 13:15

I live in a (rented) flat in a house, two other flats in the house and the guy at the top has just got a new job. A job that means he leaves the house between 5.00 - 5.15 am each morning. It also seems to mean that he has to slam and rattle the doors repeatedly and wake me up.

I have broached the subject with him before and said that when he slams the doors and then rattles them, it is REALLY loud, which it is. He claims he has to make sure the doors are 'shut properly' and so he rattles four or five times them to make sure.

He is still doing it even though I asked him (very nicely) not to as once I wake up at 5, that's it and I can't get back to sleep. He seems to think he isn't doing anything wrong.

I'm mentally composing a new letter to write my complaint to him but I'm feeling like it will have no effect. What should I do and AIBU in wanting him to have a bit of respect and simple understanding. I think I'm justified in being a bit irritated by it.

Any advice/comments welcome

OP posts:

Anonymama · 05/11/2007 13:22

You could make a lot of noise before you go to bed (assuming that he is trying to get an early night)!

Earplugs?

Or you could write to your landlord and CC the guy in. And copy the Environmental Health officer at your local council in too.

I once lived in a flat under a very noisy and aggressive guy. I could hear the DJ on his radio during the afternoon, domestics at midnight, and children bouncing basketballs above my head at 7am on a Saturday morning. It did my head in completely. However, unfortunately I owned said flat, and had to be very careful about the course of action I was going to take, as it might have affected the resale value of the flat. In your position, I would have perhaps gone to the CAB and seen what course of action was available to me. Or even moved to a different flat.

Sorry if these suggestions are not altogether helpful, but I do sympathise. It is really horrible when you cannot enjoy your own home. What a selfish pig this man is!

GrapefruitMoon · 05/11/2007 13:27

It sounds like he might be a bit "obsessive" if he keeps rattling the door to check it is locked - so maybe he can't help himself iyswim....

beansprout · 05/11/2007 13:28

I live below a door slammer but ear plugs have helped. Miserable though and really not necessary!!

Original poster

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 13:41

I suspect a bit of OCD obsessiveness as he always, always rattles the doors the same amount of times. Would I be rude if I asked him to try and curb it or will he just not understand?
I just can't put up with it anymore and I hate feeling like I have to just tolerate it.
I'm thinking of writing this:

Dear X:

I refer to my previous letter of three weeks ago when I drew to your attention the noise made by you slamming and rattling the doors at 5 o'clock in the morning.

You may or may not be aware that you are still doing this and I really want you to understand just how loud the noise is and that it wakes me up each morning. Please can you find a way to limit the noise?

I have to say that if I need to write again to mention this to you, I will be copying in the landlord.

Signed, me

Does that sound ok, or should I go all out and make it clear how I feel, I'm afraid that if it is OCD, then he won't be able to deal with it. Whadya all think?

OP posts:

MaryAnnSinglebang · 05/11/2007 13:44

does sound a bit OCD -ish to me - so that might be a boit difficult for him not to do - maybe he could shut it and then just push at the door without rattling to make sure it's closed ?

MaryAnnSinglebang · 05/11/2007 13:46

by the way, the letter sounds fine - you have a right to say how you feel- I have similar probs but would be mortified if it upset someone else and would really try to curb my behaviour - it might be quite good for him in a way

Original poster

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 13:47

If it is ocd, any advice as to how I can discuss this with him (I don't want to speak in person to him, I'd prefer to write it in a letter). And, will I be unreasonable if I do mention it to him again?
Thank you xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 14:04

Hey Beansprout - can you still hear your alarm going off when you're wearing earplugs? If so, I might get some!

OP posts:

Anonymama · 05/11/2007 14:16

Personally, I wouldn't even suggest to this man that he is OCD. That is a very personal thing to suggest and might wind him up further.

Also, if you've already written once, I would copy in the landlord to this second letter, to show you mean business.

But do try phoning the CAB or your environmental health officer before you draft any further letter, as they may be able to advise you as to your legal position in all this. Am sure they will be able to provide you with wording & knowledge that will make your landlord and this cotenant sit up and take notice.

all the best.

newgirl · 05/11/2007 14:34

ear plugs just muffle things so you can still hear your alarm and the kids but will tone down outside noise - might be worth a go

doggiesayswoof · 05/11/2007 14:38

Anonymama has it in a nutshell.
Agree you can't mention OCD to him.

Think you might just be wasting time on sending another letter in the same vein as the first one - get CAB/environmental health advice first.

MaryAnnSinglebang · 05/11/2007 14:41

no, don't mention ocd to him - lots of people,in fact most people have aspects of obsessional behaviour in their daily lives and this could just be a thoughtless thing that he does out of habit

Original poster

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 15:38

I wouldn't dream of mentioning ocd to him, it is so personal! I meant would it be rude to mention the door slamming and banging. If he does have ocd, I don't know how to handle it, but I do think it needs addressing. I can't just write it off to his condition. I sympathise, but not at 5am every morning!

I think I'll write him a little letter again, to show I am giving him another chance, being reasonable and then if he does it again, I'll show him I mean business and cc in the landlord.

Isn't there some sort of law about not making noise between 10pm - 6am? Will see if I can investigate or maybe a mumsnetter has the low down as I don't want to take up CAB time as they must be monumentally busy. Thank you all for your replies!

OP posts:

hanaflower · 05/11/2007 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jumpyjan · 05/11/2007 15:48

It is a relatively small issue, though I appreicate it must be annoying so I would try to keep things amicable and friendly as far as you can as once you go down the enviornmental health etc route there is not going back.

I am a bit of a door rattler myself though!

Original poster

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 15:48

Ooh, good one hana, I might get some and stick it on myself! Yes, it's the same landlord, I don't want to look as if I'm getting him in trouble, but every morning, I'm going 'aaarggggh!'

OP posts:

violeta · 05/11/2007 16:08

If it's the same landlord, you could mention it to him/her and then he/she could have a word with your neighbour? Threatening to move out because the noise bothers you should work a treat.

The landlord could just say that he/she has had complaints, without specifically mentioning who actually made the complaints. Then, you wouldn't have any comeback from your neighbour and hopefully your neighbour will be scared enough not to do it again, or at least to think a little before slamming doors!

Good luck!

saltire · 05/11/2007 16:14

I have a similar problem with my neighbours, except that they let their three children (all under 8) run around banging and thumping on the stairs till gone midnight every night of the week. Then on school mornings we put up with the mother screaming (and I do mean screaming) at the top of her voice from 6.45 onwards to them to get out of bed and ready for school.
I haven't actually said anything yet, as A) iw as advised not to by mumsnetters as it is rude.B) They haven't yet woekn the DSes with the noise, but I shall say something if they do
C) I feel I can't tell people what to do in their own home

Original poster

Katiekitty · 05/11/2007 16:27

Oh Saltaire, that sounds terrible. What are you going to do - have you decided yet? I'm with you on not telling people what to do in their own home, totally. But - when it impacts on your own living space, then it's time to say something. Good luck with it x

Violeta - I think he'd guess it was me that said something as I've brought it up before. I do wonder though if any of the other neighbours are woken up by it? Not sure I want to ask them though as I don't want to look like I'm causing trouble. Arrgh, wish it wasn't happening!

OP posts:

violeta · 05/11/2007 16:45

Katiekitty: I think that as it bothers you and is affecting your quality of life in your home, you shouldn't feel out of place making a complaint to your landlord. It might be more effective than a letter, and it may not offend so much either, perhaps, if the landlord has a word rather than if the neighbour gets a letter.

OK, so your neighbour may guess it's you but I suppose you can justify this by thinking that you did ask him to stop doing it and there's been no change since, maybe?

jezzemx · 05/11/2007 16:49

When we lived in our flat, our neighbour used to do the same thing at about 5am (doors banging, running v noisily down the stairs etc) I was fuming but after a few weeks we must have got used to it as the noise didn't seem to wake us as much.

smileydee · 05/11/2007 16:55

Saltire, I'd have to say something in your shoes!

choosyfloosy · 05/11/2007 16:58

no advice just sympathy - i had a friend who had a year of horrible times as she was ill and unable to sleep through a windchime that her neighbours had. caused no end of trouble i'm afraid.

her local council offered a mediation service which would have helped i think if they'd agreed to take part!

CarGirl · 05/11/2007 16:59

you may learn to sleep through it but it will take time. I used to have the bedroom above the garage in the end I learned to sleep through the door opening, car started up and driven out, garage door slammed shut again!

Original poster

Katiekitty · 06/11/2007 09:05

Update! This morning, the noise was REALLY loud, he was slamming and rattling like he was at the gates of Hades - it was 5.15am. I know he woke up the person in the middle flat too as they got up and were stamping around too, aargh!
So, I composed a short letter (in brief: mentioned I was writing for the second time, he is still making an inordinate amount of noise at a very early hour of the morning despite attention already having been drawn to it, I appreciate he can't avoid leaving house early, but he can limit the amount of disruption and if I have to address issue again, I'll copy landlord into any future correspondance). So, he'll get this letter today (I posted it into his postbox) and I'll see what happens.
I don't want to speak with him in person about it as I hate confrontations, so hopefully the letter will suffice. Feel all irritable today, bah! look out everyone!

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