To ask how to get DH back in our room

[Hoorayforsunshine]

DD just turned 3.

From birth until about 2 she was in my room, DH slept in another room.

We moved house last year and started all sleeping in the same room.

As I was pregnant I thought I had better start getting her ready to not being in with me...

Ended up with me in one room and DH and DD in the other.

Newborn son now in with me and DD sleeps with DH in her room.

Nighttime is still a struggle and DH hangs out in her room until she sleeps, gets up and watches tv or reads paper, or does some work and then goes back to bed.

Miss having him in my bed! Not for anything fun, I feel far too fat and still too soon after birth for anything like that. But just feel like we are ships in the night.

What to do?! Ideas on how to get DD sleeping on her own and DH back in with me???

If she's used to the noise of her Dad's machine, can you put something in her room that imitates it, so she doesn't realise she's alone when she wakes up?

People who have older toddlers/children sleeping in their beds.... when do you ever have sex?!

I think this is more common than is openly talked about. It’s up to you whether you want to sleep train or just wait for it to sort naturally. I promise they won’t want one of you in their bed when they’re ten!!

We just waited it out. Youngest was about 5 when it sorted itself out.

People who have older toddlers/children sleeping in their beds.... when do you ever have sex?!

Hardly ever lol but for us that was true with tiny kids no matter where we slept.
You just take the opportunity where you can, evening after kids in bed usually or while baby naps zig older ones at school / nursery.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland
Hardly ever between DC1 and DC2 was the answer for me. Once wanted to start trying I used to pay midnight visits to DH’s room.

Thanks @ArosAdraDrosDolig - I think you are right. I will give it a last attempt to change things, as I’m feeling a bit more energetic/ determined this week and if not I will just leave her to grow out of it and kick her dad out of her own accord.

@pickingdaisies I forced my DH to take over bedtimes with her just before I gave birth to my second. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle both/ new baby would need my attention and it might be tough for DD if she felt ignored by mummy at that point.

It’s all so bloody hard when you’re knackered! :)

Just do it! How marriages survive this carry-on is anyone's guess.

You’ve obviously been in the same bed at least once since your daughter was born 😜 Don’t be dictated to by the children, it’s a dangerous route to go down.

People who have older toddlers/children sleeping in their beds.... when do you ever have sex?!

Not very often but if we do it's in the morning, when the kids are occupied either downstairs or in their room. I've never been one for evening/ night sex, I'd rather never have it than do it at night!

@Hoorayforsunshine

Thanks *@ArosAdraDrosDolig* - I think you are right. I will give it a last attempt to change things, as I’m feeling a bit more energetic/ determined this week and if not I will just leave her to grow out of it and kick her dad out of her own accord.

Don't go into it with this attitude or you will just give up

Just allowing for regressions @dancemom, I’m not being fatalist/ half hearted. I mean more if we slide back in a couple weeks.

Good luck, be prepared for a battle but keep in your mind why you are doing this and remember that if you give in she will battle harder the next time. For those saying she won’t want to bed share at 10, there is a chance she will and even if she doesn’t do you really want to bed share until then?!

What you said about DD not giving in easily rang true for my DD OP. She is incredibly stubborn and needed lots of reassurance at bedtime. When I had DC 2 she was only 2 and would come in upset in the night as she was sleeping on her own and the rest of us were all in our bed so DH spent many nights in her room while I stayed with breastfeeding baby.

Since she was tiny we have had to do a gradual retreat. Start by sitting on her bed until she drops asleep. Then a week or so later sit on the floor until she drops off. Then by the door and so on. Now we tuck her in and I get changed into pjs and she's asleep within minutes. Sometimes chats to her dolls for a while but rarely gets up.

It took a while but she is happy and we have free evenings from 7. She was just never the type to give up the fight. Luckily DC2 sleeps like a dream!

You DD is only escalating because she knows you will give in. Don't give in! Yes the first few nights will be hard but once she sees you mean business she’s will go to sleep.

Not very often but if we do it's in the morning, when the kids are occupied either downstairs or in their room.

But that must be when they are old enough to play unsupervised so at least 2 or older really. Surely people arent just not having sex for years?!

No wonder the divorce rate is up.

(Missing the point of the thread, clearly)

OP. Start talking to your DD during the day when she is calm and happy and explain that at Easter/next sunday etc she is going to start sleeping in her bed by herself. Get her to choose which teddies will sleep with her, and order her a special new duvet cover etc.

Then just stick to your guns, keep putting her back in bed when she gets out. You will have a rough few nights and yep she is going to cry about it (what 3 year old likes change?!) But be calm and consistent and you will get there.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

When DC2 was younger she'd sleep in in the morning so as long DC1 was occupied (which was easy with restricted screen time) we did it then.

But feeling forced to have sex when I don't want (the evenings) would get us to divorce quicker than less frequent but more wanted sex.

I’d say stop allowing a three year old to call the shots.

@pickingdaisies

Well you guys are the adults, you shouldn't be being dictated to by a toddler!

This

Can your dd have a new bed or a newly decorated room etc or something and you bill it as a new big girls room? Some kind of treat if she manages to sleep in her own room? Would the baby have their own room too? Even a name on her door? Bribery can work!

[quote Hoorayforsunshine]@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland
Hardly ever between DC1 and DC2 was the answer for me. Once wanted to start trying I used to pay midnight visits to DH’s room.[/quote]
How ridiculous ! You were adults not teenagers sneaking about in their parents houses, no wonder she's ruling the roost now.

Update:

I reorganised her room just after these posts. ‘Oh let’s make you a tent! Oh there isn’t room, let’s move daddy’s bed so you can have a tent!’

She was quite into that and did click, where will daddy sleep?

We have been quite strict about bedtime routine and she did go to sleep on her own. On one night she woke up and came into us a lot but the other nights she didn’t- she was waking at 6/7 and coming in to get me (will normally sleep til 8) but otherwise fine.

She missed having her dad there but was ok basically.

But - I was sleeping much worse having him back here! I wake up to feed the baby and then can’t get back to sleep with the sound of the machine or snoring. And the baby wakes him.

For a few nights he didn’t use his machine but that’s not good for him, it’s his medical treatment.

So....kicked him out the room again, back to how we were but we’re all happier with the arrangement until 2nd baby starts sleeing through nights!

And since he has been back in she is sleeping longer, so everyone is getting more sleep.

I was wanting it to be more ‘normal’ but frankly, I just want more slee!