Early riser guest

[PetalPath]

I had been seeing someone, on the third date, we ended up at my place for drinks in the early evening after having been out for the day. There had been no existing plan to come to my place, it was spontaneous.

As the time approached for local transport to stop running that evening, I mentioned in plenty of time, and later asked whether my guest would be using public transport or a taxi. Guest said public transport was fine, but continued to chat and laugh as the time approached.

Now, the taxi would have been a very hefty amount because of the distance between us, so I had to finally tell my guest if they did not set of in the next 20mins, they would be needing that taxi.

My guest then asked very nicely if they could stay over, I had not planned for this. I had been dealing with some things, and had barely slept in weeks. And having someone rattling around early in the morning would have woken me as a very light sleeper. I said it would be okay as long as my guest did not plan on getting up early as I was hoping to sleep in because of ongoing poor sleep.

This is the bit I was surprised by, my guest became quite huffy, and said they felt that was very controlling and rude, and left in a huff!
I thought it was pretty accommodating of me to say yes to an unplanned stay over, with someone who had waited deliberately until the last minute to tell me they would like to stay, without me inviting them to do so.

Was I being unreasonable?

[UhtredRagnarson]

@Turnedouttoes

To be completely honest, if I was at someone’s house and having a good time with them, I’d be pretty miffed if they kept asking how I was planning to get home and when.
It sounds like you were trying to get rid of them

Yeah but presumably you’d take the fucking hint and go! Why would you want to stay somewhere you weren’t wanted?

[Covidweddingday]

You've dodged a bullet. Even if they weren't angling for a shag, it was rude to put you on the spot and ask to stay after only a few dates. You suggested 2 options - they get public transport, or they stay longer and get a taxi. If you had been comfortable or happy to offer option 3 - staying over then you had plenty of opportunity to do so,

[Anniegetyourgun]

Well, OP was trying to get rid of them. Several times. In the end they had to be practically thrown out. So who was rude again?

[ImnotCarolineHirons]

Third date back to mine is absolutely classic "shag time" so I bet they thought they had a chance, despite your earlier warnings. They obviously are a chancer with no respect for boundaries so you're well rid.

There's even a Friends scene about "third date" - Rachel's favourite sweater. Third date is make or break for a lot of people in deciding whether or not it has potential.

[ktp100]

Classic man thinking = 'she invited me back to hers so I'm in for a shag'.

You've done nothing wrong OP, it's just a mis-communication but he's shown himself to be more than a bit selfish here & huffy when he doesn't get his way so I'd take that as a sign to exit stage left!

[Hotelhelp]

Why the constant ‘my guest’? Why not say him/her/them?

[Eckhart]

@ktp100

Classic man thinking = 'she invited me back to hers so I'm in for a shag'.

You've done nothing wrong OP, it's just a mis-communication but he's shown himself to be more than a bit selfish here & huffy when he doesn't get his way so I'd take that as a sign to exit stage left!

Women do this too. It's not classic 'man thinking'. What would you deem to be 'classic woman thinking', as a matter of interest?

Such sweeping generalisations here.

Probably why OP didn't want to mention the sex of the guest.

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

Well at least you now know what he was really after and I think you are well rid especially if he was boasting about his ex doing absolutely everything for him.

[dontdisturbmenow]

We don't know that the issue was that he wasn't going to get a shag. OP said This is the bit I was surprised by, my guest became quite huffy, and said they felt that was very controlling and rude, and left in a huff!
This hi ts towards him having an issue with her request that not getting up early so she could sleep, which indeed, is a wired request to make when you are dating someone you like.

I too would wonder what other commands would be forthcoming with further dates and would end it there and then.

[poppycat10]

@Turnedouttoes

To be completely honest, if I was at someone’s house and having a good time with them, I’d be pretty miffed if they kept asking how I was planning to get home and when.
It sounds like you were trying to get rid of them

Well, some of us are (a) practical and (b) like our sleep!

Even if I am having a nice time, I go to bed at a reasonable time.

[HerMammy]

‘my guest’ was this written in 1920?

[therealteamdebbie]

they dodged a bullet.

I don't know who THEY are, male, female... but it's funny how it's always assumed it's fine to kick out men, but it would be considered very insensitive or borderline cruel to kick a woman out.

You didn't want them there, they should move on, I hope they leave you in peace from now.

[Missushbb]

Have you posted about this before? I've heard this story before on here

[Missushbb]

@User57392985

*littlepattilou

*@PetalPath*

Why all the cloak and dagger shit about the gender of 'the guest?' confused

It must take so much effort to keep putting 'my guest' and 'them' and 'they' and 'their' !! confused

Why do people do this on here?

I can't be arsed to respond to posts like this.

grin I was thinking that as well actually. The only reason I can think of is so everyone assumes they're a man and then a few pages in the OP reveals that actually it was a woman all along*

Agree. I just read this assuming it's two women. Maybe OP is a man though. Either way the guest's behaviour is poor behaviour of course, so why the need to be all vague.

Same when people post about their kids not specifying boy or girl. It doesn't make a difference and it won't be a surprise either way, so why go to the bother of being all elusive.

I think it is two women: I've definitely read this before

[Eckhart]

@therealteamdebbie

they dodged a bullet.

I don't know who THEY are, male, female... but it's funny how it's always assumed it's fine to kick out men, but it would be considered very insensitive or borderline cruel to kick a woman out.

You didn't want them there, they should move on, I hope they leave you in peace from now.

It isn't 'always assumed'. If it's made clear to a guest that they need to hurry or they'll miss the bus home, and they get upset because they expected to stay overnight, the guest is being rude.

Why do you think it is 'always assumed'? Who 'always assumes' it?

[Confusedandshaken]

Oh the old 'I've missed the last bus and I'll have to stay over at yours' routine. They were after a shag and were pissed off that they didn't get it. Narrow escape.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Well you keep dying guest but then implying it's a date.

If it's a date, she expected sex, it wasn't forthcoming, and sulked, bullet dodged.
If it's a day out with a friend mirror bullet still dodged but it's weirder

[PetalPath]

@Eckhart

You didn't want the person to stay. You made it clear, politely.

Which part of your actions do you think might have been unreasonable, specifically?

I didn’t think I was unreasonable at the time.

Now, I wouldn’t want to be in the same situation again and would do everything to avoid it!

I didn’t want to treat anyone that way again if there was an absolute consensus I had been rude and controlling as described.

I wondered if people are now more casual and laid back about such things or I had met someone rather high strung and not able to read the room very well.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

FFS, it's unbelievably dangerous to invite a virtual stranger into your home like this. Get some boundaries.

[PetalPath]

This is my first time posting about this.

[AnyOldPrion]

I learned it on Mumsnet. Say no to something early on with a new partner. Their reaction will tell you what you need to know because a decent person will accept your refusal without any argument or negative behaviour.

This person failed the Mumsnet test; you dodged a bullet Petal.

[Clymene]

@Confusedandshaken

Oh the old 'I've missed the last bus and I'll have to stay over at yours' routine. They were after a shag and were pissed off that they didn't get it. Narrow escape.

Absolutely. And agree that it's not a good idea to invite someone back to your house that you barely know.

[PetalPath]

@SackofTurtles:

This exactly. They thought a shag was on the cards, and then not only did you not play ball, but you made it very clear you were more concerned with your own sleep quality and with your ability to sleep undisturbed in the morning than with either (a) sleeping with them, or (b) pretending you were at least halfway interested in sleeping with them, and your 'guest' stropped off.

Well played, OP. This person sounds awful, and you clearly set an axe to the core of their self-esteem and entitlement, while being entirely polite.

In future, for God's sake, don't spontaneously invite someone you barely know back to your house. It's not safe, apart from anything else.

I think this is most likely what happened. I had not consciously meant to be as brutal as that seems to have come across! I’d rather end the evening on friendly terms rather than really hurt someone’s feelings.

Suffice to say, I have no plans to invite a date this way ever again! Not until I know someone really well, it was probably a lucky escape this is all that happened, I had the sense it wasn’t this persons first time having a massive tantrum.

[TheFiend]

Was it a man or woman?

[Youllbeoldertoo]

You do sound a bit controlled (not controlling) I think in dating it’s nice just to be come what may, and a bit more relaxed. If it was me I wouldn’t keep asking them what they were doing and then say do t get up early, it was supposed to be fun and you drained all the fun out.