I had been seeing someone, on the third date, we ended up at my place for drinks in the early evening after having been out for the day. There had been no existing plan to come to my place, it was spontaneous.
As the time approached for local transport to stop running that evening, I mentioned in plenty of time, and later asked whether my guest would be using public transport or a taxi. Guest said public transport was fine, but continued to chat and laugh as the time approached.
Now, the taxi would have been a very hefty amount because of the distance between us, so I had to finally tell my guest if they did not set of in the next 20mins, they would be needing that taxi.
My guest then asked very nicely if they could stay over, I had not planned for this. I had been dealing with some things, and had barely slept in weeks. And having someone rattling around early in the morning would have woken me as a very light sleeper. I said it would be okay as long as my guest did not plan on getting up early as I was hoping to sleep in because of ongoing poor sleep.
This is the bit I was surprised by, my guest became quite huffy, and said they felt that was very controlling and rude, and left in a huff!
I thought it was pretty accommodating of me to say yes to an unplanned stay over, with someone who had waited deliberately until the last minute to tell me they would like to stay, without me inviting them to do so.
Was I being unreasonable?
AIBU?
Early riser guest
PetalPath · 01/03/2021 11:30
Am I being unreasonable?
921 votes. Final results.
POLLProbably something to encourage us to work cooperatively rather than competitively. A safe inclusive space for all. It may be the person or group you dislike most in the world has a solution to a problem you are suffering. In that sense, difference is useful to the whole/community.
Wonderful way to put it! It’s mostly that way. Some 
ruin it but they don’t drag down the collective good of this site!
And thank you for your lovely compliment! I’m just glad to have helped 
@LadyinParis
Thank you for the kind words, very much a soothing balm.
I understand what you mean about the help of others - can’t see the woods for the trees!
And hindsight with the help of those who have been through it, or those more wise, is a very valid way to learn.
Maybe one day, I will be able to help someone with their own boundaries, because I received some helpful insights here.
A wonderful cycle of suffering and growth.
We all have a piece of the puzzle, and when several minds look at one thing, you understand and achieve. It also instils respect for the opinions of others, even if we personally do not think in the same way and never will and don’t particularly want to either.
Probably something to encourage us to work cooperatively rather than competitively. A safe inclusive space for all. It may be the person or group you dislike most in the world has a solution to a problem you are suffering. In that sense, difference is useful to the whole/community.
And LadyInParis, name definitely checks out! You’re a 
@PetalPath
I’m glad it was helpful to you. Sometimes others can speak words we can’t quite put our fingers on because we are too deep in the emotional side- because we are the ones in the actual situation. So even though we know what we are trying to say, we just can’t see past the fog of being the actual person in the middle of it, and others can articulate what we meant. I found this to be true for threads when I have asked for help- lovely posters who were able to say exactly what I was feeling but couldn’t articulate myself. And it is helpful.
Your last post shows a great amount of insight into your situation; and was a wonderfully put (and very kind and patient!) Way of explaining the reasons for others belittling responses on here. You worded your feelings perfectly, and showed a massive amount of grace that the bullying posters could learn a thing or two from themselves.. I especially liked your explanation of the helpfulness of the vast life experience and difference of the helpful posters; and why it is helpful. It is very true!
I think you sound really lovely, and very strong in the face of outright bullying. You have good personal insight, and an amount of patience and grace that I could only envy! I think you will be just fine! I hope you’re feeling ok and that you got the insight you needed from the lovely posters on here most are lovely and helpful and very wise.
And to add- your points about the bullying posters, all point (rightly so) to it being their problem. This suggests to me that you don’t lack esteem or the ability to enforce boundaries- as the ability to do this suggests a huge emotional strength. Many people myself included, would (wrongly so) take the nit picking name calling personally. And rather than put it back on them- would internalise it. You don’t do that and that’s amazing!!
@LadyInParis totally agree. Mumsnet is full of people who want to stand out from the crowd by being the most unpleasant and nitpicky, to leap to judgement the quickest, and to ‘call’ bullshit or troll or whatever. They seem to think it makes them look big and clever; it actually makes them look a bit pathetic and not very bright.
People are being really unfair and quite frankly bullying here. Picking on ops every word to call her odd. Picking on her every thought process and twisting it to make her appear deranged. Telling her to move on.. her post is useless et al.. to dismiss her. And on and on!
Is it not possible that
A) Op either writes more formally than actually interacts in real life/ is not a natural English speaker/ or this is just ops way of expressing herself- all of which are fine.. and none of anyone’s business and not relevant to the thread
B) Op has created the thread in order to set right in her mind whether her boundaries and feelings at that time were right, or still need work, or a bit of both.. therefore being extremely useful to the op- and you don’t have to post if you find it pointless do you? Many many women (and men) look back through their pasts to consider the important question of their boundaries, in order to ensure that said boundaries are keeping them safe. To check that their past boundary enforcement that ended badly was either them not enforcing boundaries strongly enough, therefore they need to work on them, or to look at those past experiences, and current ability to protect said boundaries, and see if they have changed enough to ensure safety etc etc. Therefore come here to get others opinions on such matters. These things are so so so incredibly important for many women and indeed men, more so women for physical reasons. If you don’t like women coming here, and working through their musings on past and current experiences of how they failed to enforce boundaries sufficiently, with other helpful posters who will give their advice and opinions, which will help the op process the past and create a safer future- instead of being dismissive and cruel, why not just move along?
C) Just because those who think the op odd for, after being manipulated into having someone stay over uninvited, then creating a set of boundaries that ensures the most comfort in those circumstances- as in this case wanting to not be woken early- doesn’t mean that the op is odd. It means she failed to enforce her initial boundaries but was successful in enforcing other ones that made her feel comfortable in her own home, under said circumstances. It doesn’t make her odd, or formal, or whatever. Just not very good at enforcing all her boundaries all the time. This is something she can learn moving forward- and advice on those lines in terms of how to do so is far more helpful than calling her odd for asking the uninvited guest to at least respect those wishes!
D) Why is it odd for her to call a guest at her home.. a guest? Why are these bullying posters trying to twist her literal every word into something odd? Including her use of they them etc? If she wants to keep that information to herself then no one has the right to demand it of her. Yes it is harder to read and whatnot but you don’t know her situation, if she was made to feel shame by her family or whatever and so to her it was actually an important bit of privacy? No one knows- and it isn’t relevant as the bullying posts contradictorily stated several times whilst complaining that she didn’t include that information I do MMA. I am female. If I was that way inclined (violent and psychotic) I could easily overpower a smaller female or one who hasn’t had training. Or use weapons or whatever. So safety re males and females toward female isn’t the relevant point here is it! As both can hurt both if so inclined! So if you want to complain and bully someone with the “guise” of “oh it’s so hard to read”.. if it’s so hard to read move on!
It’s so ugly and just shows you up.. As the bully that you are. (I am obviously not referring to the posters who have understood the op, understood her feelings, and her reason for posting, and gave their time and kindness and experience to actually help her).
Op- I think that you did your best in those circumstances at that particular time. I think you tried hard to enforce your boundaries of her not staying over by reminding her of bus times- and you doing this to save her money from having to use a taxi was really thoughtful. Sadly it’s really hard when in those actual circumstances and someone is in your home, and a once normal seeming person starts unexpectedly pushing your boundaries. It puts you on the back foot and can be hard to keep strong. But in future circumstances you need to keep strong and not cave- as you know now. Your question re not waking early is perfectly reasonable, especially given the circumstances of the cheeky woman who basically forced her overnight company on you with manipulating tactics. Learn from this and move on. You weren’t wrong or odd or rude. In fact you were too nice. In future I would advise that you don’t let it get past the first boundary of staying over. The sex issue is a red herring in a way; this is about your boundaries- regardless of her expectations (that you had also made clear prior! Good on you for this also!). I think you behaved fine. It’s her loss. I wish you the best
[quote littlepattilou]@PetalPath
Why all the cloak and dagger shit about the gender of 'the guest?' 
It must take so much effort to keep putting 'my guest' and 'them' and 'they' and 'their' !!
Why do people do this on here?
I can't be arsed to respond to posts like this.[/quote]
Same! whether it’s about situations like OPs date wanting a fuck (why does this warrant a thread?!) and people gormlessly referring to their (one) kid as ‘babies’, ‘they had their nap at 3pm’- did ‘they’, aye. Great.
Random person coming round for a shag is not a ‘guest’, it’s a horny date, no need for the faux shock 🤣
@picknmix1984
'The Guest' is a woman.
The OP confirmed that several posts back...From 13.48 this afternoon.
@PetalPath
Since it seems to makes such a huge difference, we are both women. And I have no intention of laughing at anybody, I wanted to get some feedback, and it’s been thoughtful and kind feedback on the whole so far, and has given me food for thought.
@LoveYourUsername
Really? She's been mulling this over for more than a year?
She needs help or at least make it clear in the first post it's a historic incident.
I also find it bizarre that the poster decided to post about this issue more than a year after it happened.
This thread gets more batshit by the minute. And so does the OP's posts...
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