I feel nothing when we have sex. Is it over?

[Isitoveroramiabadperson]

I have been with my partner for three years and we have a one year old DS. For the past few months, I’ve been having sex out of necessity. After a sexless relationship beforehand, it’s almost like I have to do it to avoid that happening again. But I’m there waiting for him to finish so it can be over. I hate kissing him (he goes weeks without brushing his teeth) and any oral — whenever there actually is any — makes me cringe.

But he’s a great dad. A really great dad. But I’ve been supporting the family financially for months now while doing 50:50 childcare and it’s exhausting.

I still think he’s attractive and a nice person. But is this a sign it’s over?

Because my last relationship wasn’t a healthy one, it makes me question whether I’m just looking into things too much. But sex is a huge deal to me, and I’ve got the ‘ick’.

I don’t want to split up my family. But I’m longing for more, please help.

The brushing teeth thing is so disgusting I couldn’t get passed that.

If you can get him to sort out all the things that are really unattractive physically, he needs to make a choice between being a SAHP (if this is ok with you) doing the bulk of childcare and housework etc, or getting another job. There’s no choice of general layabout available.

But I’d probably just leave him tbh!

If he’s always been like this I’m struggling to understand how you produced children with him, your standards seem pretty low if “seldom brushes teeth” is dating material for you

Yes sorry for sticking on that one line of your post but he goes weeks without brushing his teeth? That's disgusting, I wouldn't go near him for that alone

The “ick” refers to everyday m things that suddenly start putting you off. Not wanting to kiss someone who has not brushed their teeth for weeks (! Vom!) is not “the ick”. It’s a normal reaction to someone who is fucking gross.

He has never really done it so it’s my own fault but I tell him to all the time, and I told him the other day. It’s not just that though, I can’t get off at all regardless.

That's gross, if he isn't brushing his teeth, what else isn't he washing...?

I don’t think I could be intimate with someone who goes for weeks without cleaning their teeth - just why?!

He has never really done it so it’s my own fault but I tell him to all the time, and I told him the other day. It’s not just that though, I can’t get off at all regardless

I think maybe you’re being too kind. Perhaps it’s time to say ‘I’m not kissing you anymore because your breath smells like dog poo and the smell makes me want to vomit. Also, your refusal to get off your arse and pull your weight has made me look at you as just another thing I have to look after. That is the most sexually unattractive thing and the thought of you touching me makes me shudder. Either sort yourself out or move yourself out. Last warning or I make the decision for you’.

Another one who doesn’t understand how a relationship with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth has continued for this long..? It should have ended half way through the first kiss. Or even the first conversation.

Perhaps it’s time to say ‘I’m not kissing you anymore because your breath smells like dog poo and the smell makes me want to vomit. Also, your refusal to get off your arse and pull your weight has made me look at you as just another thing I have to look after. That is the most sexually unattractive thing and the thought of you touching me makes me shudder. Either sort yourself out or move yourself out. Last warning or I make the decision for you’.

^This.

That's shocking. Occasionally going to bed without brushing teeth, not a deal-breaker. Months?! How does he have any teeth left?!!

@Isitoveroramiabadperson

No, he isn’t working. We are having financial difficulties but he hasn’t looked for a new job (he lost his). And I don’t know. He’s always been like that.

There is not one teeny tiny thing about him that's attractive.

Ewwww

OP are your personal hygiene standards low for yourself? Do you sometimes not brush your teeth?

I honestly cant fathom this 🤮

Putting lack of teethbrushing aside, I would find his not looking for work very unattractive. He cannot be a good Dad if he is not making an effort to support the family. If he is only doing 50-50 childcare and not in a job or looking for a job, what is he doing the rest of the time.

They don't change. He sounds like my ex tbh. You can't make the effort and try for him. You'll be better off without him. Sorry op.