To be so exhausted 5 months after giving birth?

[Wobblywombat]

I’m completely exhausted after giving birth to our second child nearly 6 months ago. DC2 has never slept through the night and I am so tired I am functioning at 10% of usual capacity.
This means DC1 gets less attention, DH gets practically none (and of course work is a huge struggle).

It has gotten to the point that DH is upset after I just fell asleep at 8pm on a Saturday night (this is the best night of the week for us to spend “proper” time together).

I’m not depressed, just really tired.

AIBU to be so tired so many months after birth?
Should I be playing fun lockdown games and wearing cute Saturday night outfits?

Why isn't your husband as tired as you are? Can he help out at night more, or look after the children during the day so you can sleep?
Otherwise all you can do is keep on until little one starts sleeping better and there's nothing wrong with going to bed at 8 pm if you're tired!

Sorry you're feeling that way but it sounds pretty normal. Some kids are just awful sleepers. Does your husband help out overnight at all, such as settling baby after a feed, giving a bottle (if bottle feeding), getting up early with the toddler so you can have a bit of a lie in?

What about the other way round? How much TLC and help does your DH give you? Does he get up for 50 per cent of the times your baby wakes up? Could he do more of the housework or other chores to give you a break? It's normal for the first few months to be exhausting and it can take time for your body to recover to full strength. Can you get a cleaner, make easier food, take an afternoon off just to sleep, or some 'quality' time with DC1, while your DH looks after the baby?

DH helps a lot with the children, but I end up doing most of the nights because the baby is BF and completely rejects the bottle at night.
We ended up giving up on him doing nights because despite his best efforts that would always end with the baby waking the whole house.
So I am totally exhausted but he is not (as much).

Thinking back, I remember 5/6 months post birth as being truly exhausting after both of my dc. I don't know why, at the time I think I put it down to lack of sleep but I wonder if there is some hormone crash or just general mental crash around then?

You say your baby doesn't sleep through but there's a big difference between a few short wakings each night and a large number or very long wakings disrupting sleep. If you think you are more tired than seems appropriate given the amount of rest you are getting then talk to your doctor. There are conditions such as postpartum thyroiditis that can cause exhaustion after having a baby and can start months after birth. The symptoms of extend tiredness etc. are easily dismissed by mums who expect to be tired! Your GP can do blood tests to check you don't have something like this, but it's probably a good idea to get checked out.

Thanks for all the suggestions. We have as much help as we can get / afford and DH really does do a lot in the house and with the children.
I’m not sure though that he fully understands how tiring it is to be up every night, and the toll that takes after months...
I also think he does so much around the house & with children that he too is unable to give much TLC

I don't blame you. I fell asleep when DC2 did most nights he was a high needs baby and I also felt horrendous guilt on DC1 but none toward my partner he is an adult and unless he is in lala land he saw how difficult it was.
Your DH is unreasonable it is hard you've little time together but I bet you've zero time for yourself.
Can he share the load? You need a rest, don't be hard on yourself you're getting less than all of them.

I hear you OP, DD (number 2) is 18 months and hasn’t slept through the night ever. Never ever. I’m so very tired, coupled with full time working since she was six months old. I feel like I’ve not recovered from having her and she’s blooming 18 months old 🙈🙈🙈 I also will add she’s an early riser too. She makes 630am look late!
However when I went back to work when she was six months old I forced DH to get up
Just as much as me. We take turns... at the weekend we both get a day each for a lay in, by lay in I only mean till about 830/9am but it makes all the difference to feeling half human.

If he’s not doing his bit... make him!

Keep saying "this time next year" your together for the rest of your life.

It’s nothing compared to menopause hot flushes, waking on the hr every br, for months.
Let your son cry a bit, no harm

For me that was normal, don't put pressure on yourself with saying you "should" be doing this and that. You have to do what works best for you right now, make sure you are getting some time for yourself even a nice bath etc just time to be you. Hopefully when things open back up covid wise things will start to become a little better for you being able to go out and things. Your doing great right now, it is so hard being a mum.

@Nsky

It’s nothing compared to menopause hot flushes, waking on the hr every br, for months. Let your son cry a bit, no harm

What a self-centred unempathetic answer with terrible advice at the end of it.

Are you anaemic? I was exhausted still a 7 months pp with my first. Walking to the end of the road and back felt like climbing Everest, my feet felt like lead. I took DS to the gp and she said he’s fine but you need a blood test. I only got iron tablets so it still took weeks to feel better.
With DD no anaemia after birth, getting up to two children and bloody livestock at all hours and I feel tired but not anaemia tired.

Hi OP

I think this time is the worst, you've not got all the hormones with having a really young baby and the cumulative tiredness is really kicking in.

I would say though...sleep training. I stuck it out til 7 months, baby was still waking up every 90 min minimum to comfort feed to sleep and I was at the end of my tether, we got a sleep consultant in and sleep trained using the disappearing chair method,there was still crying but the baby wasnt left on their own. PM me if you want more details and I'll look out my notes. Night weaning and getting a proper nights sleep changed my life at the time though it had been so bad that it took quite a while for the sleep anxiety to go away

I felt like this.
Bone crushing tiredness.
It was an under active thyroid.
Yes having a baby is tiring but there may be another reason. I'd get checked if I was you.

Yep, normal I'm afraid. You're in the eye of the storm as far as baby number 2 goes. I've had 3 and the transition to 2 was the hardest thing of all. I feel for you, it is truly shit.

With hindsight, there were things I should have considered but I was too tired to make decisions.

To stop b/feeding earlier. I let them self wean at 12mths+ partly because they refused a bottle, and of course night weaning is really hard when you BF. I thing BF keeps you in a hormone fog, once I stopped I felt much better and energised.

Iron - I had low iron in pregnancy, and after a while started taking liquid iron as felt so tired (spatone?) which I think helped. So if you had low iron in pregnancy try this.

Drop your standards a bit - housework, personal grooming, time with friends, sex life, hobbies, career, family commitments - sad as it sounds, just focus on yourself for a bit. These will come back, just give yourself a few more months.

Do consider sleep training as PP have mentioned, I didn't do this and have had night wandering toddlers sharing my bed for best part of ten years now. It is not fun.

As I said, you're in the eye of the storm. Be kind to yourself, you're doing a great job.

I felt like this for a year.
Is there anyone who could babysit for a few hours just to take a walk or a picnic with DH.

One thing I did was give a last bf at 8.30-9 and then if dd woke before midnight I made dh get up. It didn’t kill dd not being fed for a couple of hours but at least I would get a few hours of not feeding. After midnight then it was me.

Get your iron and b12 checked to rule out. I've been low after babies before and it brings on a new level of utter exhaustion! Also look at a sleep routine for baby to try and improve things. The blissful baby expert is great

@Emeraldshamrock

We do get regular help - unfortunately, DH would like some intimacy (sex) while that is the last thing on my mind. I’m just trying to remember what it’s like to feel human, keep my personal hygiene to a near acceptable standard, and remind DC1 they still have a mother...

Thanks everyone for the helpful suggestions - it’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling this way and that others have lived to tell the tale 😊

@BigDecisionsLittleTime I am totally with you on dropping my standards. Not sure DH agrees but I hope he’ll accept it eventually. I’m having to drop my standards too on things like emotional availability and gratitude....

Breastfeeding is a bit of a nightmare when it comes to new mums energy levels. Not only does it mean you have to do all the night wakings, you are still ‘growing’ them like when they were in the womb, imagine how much energy they take from you!

If I were you I would keep trying with a bottle and then your hubby can do some nights himself 😈 so you can get a full nights sleep.

Otherwise this could go on for some months and it sounds like you really need some rest. Good luck!

I've been there it is awful trying to split yourself in 3. Unfortunately for me DC2 continued as a dominant force forcing DC1 out.
Our sex life is still shit as a result.
I don't blame you not being interested the guilt on DC1 is debilitating.
Every bit counts with them but leaves nothing for you.
Talk to DH once DC1 is sorted you'll feel better.

YANBU! I gave birth 7 months ago and am still so tired, and I only have one child DD naps on me else not at all, and we cosleep. Often (like now) her and DH are out for the count and I've been struck with insomnia, a very cruel twist of fate. Waiting for her to start crying because she notices I've snuck downstairs...

I think winter makes it harder. Spring is coming, flowers are blooming