End of life Doula v birth Doula

[EndofLifeDoula]

Lots of families embrace allowing a birth Doula in to their homes at such a special and poignant time. I’d like to offer myself to families facing death, bereavement and support the final journey.

I have lots of experience inc nursing, funeral care, counselling and I’ve completed 2 diplomas in this area of expertise.

I wonder if people would rely on this service when offered and see it as a support function rather than a business?

@MouthAche

How would money be discussed, thats what i would be concerned about.

And in theory, you could only do 1 family at a time
And what if you was busy / unavailable / to far away when the actual time came?

No idea, money is the last thing I’m thinking about

I’ll happily contact with service users though x

I think it's a brilliant idea OP and hope you do it.

This is something I have thought about. I think of it as a “midwife to the soul. “

I couldn't be with my father when he died but my sister was. I really resent that she was there and I wasn't but I've accepted it. If she'd had a death doula or whatever there I'd have really struggled with that.

I volunteer for a charity and we provide weekly visits to terminally ill and life limited people to provide emotional and practical support. In the last year we have been asked if we would like to do as you describe but it is to sit with a dying person as a bit of respite for the family so they can go home for a few hours and the person isn't alone. Also for people who have noone. I think it is a lovely idea.

Glad to hear you're going ahead with it, OP. It sounds like a big challenge, but a really important resource for dying people and their loved ones.

Sounds like such a great idea.
My gran died over Christmas, she went downhill so suddenly from being independent to dead in six weeks. My mum and two aunts were caring for her at home. She always wanted to remain at home. I would say something like your offering would be great. Towards the end we had several carers offering quite unhelpful and unnecessary advice. One carer in particular suggested my gran was not dying and the doctors didn’t know anything. The distress to my mum was unforgettable. If one person could have been there to support that would have been helpful.
Honestly, If you do a good job you could call yourself whatever you wanted because you will get recommendations regardless.

@EndofLifeDoula

Hello there glad to meet you, it’s a tough thing isn’t it? I’m ill with another condition as well so double crappiness.
I’m so worried about what will happen to my poor boy, after... and Covid, isn’t it the worst luck ever?!?!? Had to shield throughout, did you? ‘Losing’ a year of life when the clock is ticking away rather badly here. Ffs. I don’t think people really understand what it means...

Anyway, pleased to ‘meet’ you! Xxx

WellThisIsShit
I’d use that service. I have stage 4 cancer. Single mum, no support system.

Same 🙄

My two year old son just died of cancer. It was fucking horrible. From being told there was no further active treatment to death was 5 days.

There was no hospice, it was over holidays so the pal care team were very low on staff.

Someone who could have provided a professional death service and advocated for us would have been a service I would have used.

Not all of us have supportive families.

@blindspots
I'm so sorry

@blindspots

My two year old son just died of cancer. It was fucking horrible. From being told there was no further active treatment to death was 5 days.

There was no hospice, it was over holidays so the pal care team were very low on staff.

Someone who could have provided a professional death service and advocated for us would have been a service I would have used.

Not all of us have supportive families.

Hello Blindspots wow, that is a very cruel blow indeed especially over such a small window of time. I’m sorry.

You must be feeling lots of very different emotions right now. If you ever need/want to talk about your son and can’t find any support I will happily connect with you as one mn’er to another (not a business client, just one mother to another)

@blindspots

My two year old son just died of cancer. It was fucking horrible. From being told there was no further active treatment to death was 5 days.

There was no hospice, it was over holidays so the pal care team were very low on staff.

Someone who could have provided a professional death service and advocated for us would have been a service I would have used.

Not all of us have supportive families.

I am so, so sorry.

No. It would look like you are targetting vulnerable bereaved peopld to make money. Awful.

Thats very sad Alexa. Didnt see your post.

@blindspots

That's utterly horrific...I'm so sorry you've had to experience such a loss, and even moreso with so little support .

blindspots
I am very sorry for your loss

I think it would be a wondeful service. Also that we dont plan or talk about this area of life enough .. and then it can become hard ( er) to deal with because of that.
I have not yet accepeted my df s death 7 years on for example. .. due to lack of communication or understanding why exactly that he died . I did mean to contact intrnsive care and the ward at the time , but was so grief stricken at rhe time , didnt .
A relative knows more but refuses to discuss it as it would ' upset' them . .. so feel left really.

I think that if there are gaps in end of life care, then that should filled by charities and the health system. While you have good intentions, some won't and until registration and regulation is in place, then unchecked people shouldn't have access to vulnerable people. I say that as someone who has worked, paid and voluntary in end of life care. I'm hoping to do voluntary again by the end of the year. I'm on the shielding list, so can't at the moment. In the case of children's death it's disgraceful that we solely rely on charities. All hospitals should be staffed with enough advocates (which I've done voluntary) and family support. It was a lack of support around her child's death that prompted a friend to start her own charity. I'd rather see better investment in bereavement teams, than this service start in the UK. It's so open to abuse.

@Mogglett5, would you really be happy for a stranger, who can't follow any qualification or regulation path, to be made privy to your Dad's medical information? Not that they could because tjat breaks data protection. So it wouldn't give you the answers that you want. It would just mean that tbey accompany you to see his medical records.

Ponoka 7. I think that if they had qualifications and experience , then yes I would .. I would listen to gut about the person . Undertakers are buisness people and we place trust in them .
Primarily , it would be good if such people , as in other professions , are regulated, and I would prefer thia service to be overseen by the nhs or even commisioned by nhs.

I tentatively like the idea of it. When my mum died I had a lot of stuff to sort out, not least having to ensure I was with her constantly when she was in hospital in her last days. I couldn't bear to leave and she needed me there to advocate for her. I was seeing off wandering ward religious people, palliative care nurses who were determined to get her to understand this was the end (I had to stop them doing this. I know people should be fully informed but she was confused at this point and she couldn't grasp it and I did not want her to be upset), ward folk bringing her food she couldn't eat and she also had a very nasty graze all along one arm that needed constant dressing so she was comfortable. Plus she couldn't reach down to pull up her throw that I'd brought in and a dozen other little things that nurses just don't have the time to see to

So I was there. And privileged to be there. But I may have liked some one on one support potentially. Someone who understood what o needed them to do and what I wanted and who had taken the time out to personalise a service just for me

So yes - I think I like the idea in principle

@Mogglett5, which I agree with. It's the lack of anything that worries me. When tje beauty industry was unregulated that was enough of a disaster, likewise counselling. This is too important and involves too many vulnerable people to go ahead yet. It needs blocking. Those that want to make a living from it can campaign for regulation first. Those that want to do it can volunteer.

“End of life counsellor
End of life therapist
From the end to the beginning

Happy for suggestions!”

Are you actually a qualified registered counsellor or therapist? As in, you’ve got your level five counselling diploma (you mentioned some diplomas but there are lower end ones you can’t practice with alone) that you’d require to practice independently! Or if you’re considering calling yourself a therapist, what training have you done and which professional body are you registered with?

[quote Ponoka7]@Mogglett5, which I agree with. It's the lack of anything that worries me. When tje beauty industry was unregulated that was enough of a disaster, likewise counselling. This is too important and involves too many vulnerable people to go ahead yet. It needs blocking. Those that want to make a living from it can campaign for regulation first. Those that want to do it can volunteer.[/quote]
Yes I actually agree - there are plenty of ways to volunteer for this and plenty of people doing it.

I think it’s a very good idea and would use the service. It makes a lot of sense to have support at a time where family members are having to deal with some very challenging circumstances. I think it makes a big difference to have someone around who is aware of all the options and can provide advice.