End of life Doula v birth Doula

[EndofLifeDoula]

Lots of families embrace allowing a birth Doula in to their homes at such a special and poignant time. I’d like to offer myself to families facing death, bereavement and support the final journey.

I have lots of experience inc nursing, funeral care, counselling and I’ve completed 2 diplomas in this area of expertise.

I wonder if people would rely on this service when offered and see it as a support function rather than a business?

Thank you for so many replies and I’m so sorry to read how many are suffering as loved ones or patients.

Clash and Minty I’m so sorry. guilt and anger are a very natural response to the situation you find yourself in please try and be kind to yourselves.

The questions around regulation are something I am looking in to. I can do a further qualification with Cruise and work with them as one option/an example but I do need to look at all the back ground checks and insurances.

Still lots to look in to. I am a grief and bereavement counsellor with my own support network plus a private therapist to keep me focused on my own well being.

I can’t see me becoming a bread winner, it’s more a vocation which I’m very lucky to be able to do with out worrying about finances so much so I haven’t even thought about the money side of things at all.

End of life companion sounds good with a very factual introduction on services offered. Marketing is another area I know nothing about, lots to do.

I am going to go against the grain and say that it’s a terrible idea.

In theory, the idea of having someone there to help you through the end of life process is a good one. But in practice we’re talking about something which is available only to the select few who can afford it, and what of the rest? They go through the end of life process alone anyway? So if you can afford support while your loved one is dying “why not hire a death doula?” But if you can’t “oh, so sorry you’re going through this alone.”

Death is a time when we should all be equal. You shouldn’t be afforded the death you want based on whether you can afford the support.

And it would be impossible to be there for more than one person at a time so you could literally spend months with one patient, and the instance you start employing other people you then enter into the realms of cashing in on people’s grief.

I’m guessing that it works in America because people can claim on their insurance. Having to pay for everything is something they’re already used to.

But in this country we don’t, and so only those who have £££ deserve the kind of end of life treatment you’re advocating.

It’s wrong on so many levels. In fact I would say that you’re turning death into a money-making opportunity.

End of life care involves administering hard core controlled drugs to control pain, agitation, secretions, and a qualified nurse has to do this. Not sure what an unqualified doula would add.

I have worked in end of life care and can absolutely see a gap for a role like this. Currently the care, advocacy and support outside of medical care is often provided by palliative cafe social workers who are amazing but often have a heavy caseload. Having someone there supporting the person who is dying and their family/support system would be hugely beneficial in many cases.

I have a friend who does this, in hospitals and hospices, and refers to herself as a Soul Midwife.

My father had Marie Curie involved with hospice at home at the end - he didn't have cancer

After he passed they have rung my mother a few times to check she was ok (apparently they can do 3 'follow up' after the death

It's a beautiful idea. I like it. Its sad that people cannot always access hospice care or get left with inadequate in home care.

I think it’s a good idea, especially for those on their own or without family or close friends. So many people won’t have anyone close to them as they die. Hospitals or hospices seem to assume there is someone at home or family to help, but many people won’t have this. But counselling or therapy wouldn’t be enough. I would want some to help with practical things too - being an advocate for me at hospital, phoning up relevant people etc, actually pestering a hospice for a place etc, and actually helping - not just directing you to a website. Someone to actually look after you. Different from a nurse. Companion is a better word than doula.

There are already a number of people doing this under the description of “soul midwives” and there is an organisation of that name which offers training etc. I feel that you may be reinventing the wheel @EndofLifeDoula

End of life companion: your guide on the Last Journey.
or
Your guide on the Journey Home.

"Soul midwife" is a strange name for it.
When you give birth, a midwife is a qualified healthcare professional, and a doula is not - the distinction between the two is very important.
So when it comes to end of life care I'm guessing there would be a similar distinction; a qualified nurse would provide medical care and a "companion" would provide emotional and practical support.

A death doula is a lovely way to support the person nearing the end of life and their loved ones. Death for so many people is a hard topic to discuss or even think about.

Birth is talked about extensively with lots of support in place for those expecting, why not for end of life? It is an inevitable part of life and for many it is scary.

We seem to be so stunted in western culture when it comes to the end of a persons life, it's raw and painful and still a subject that seems taboo because people aren't comfortable with the one thing we all have in common.

I wish death doulas were more visible in mainstream care.

@AnotherEmma

"Soul midwife" is a strange name for it. When you give birth, a midwife is a qualified healthcare professional, and a doula is not - the distinction between the two is very important. So when it comes to end of life care I'm guessing there would be a similar distinction; a qualified nurse would provide medical care and a "companion" would provide emotional and practical support.

Really agree. I wouldn’t want to try and promote myself as anything more professional than a support function which is why I’ve decided to trial as an end of life companion.

I’ve started to put some care packages together based on the help I’ve received here and I think it’s best to start off slowly offering factual advice and emotional support within our local community first.

My biggest hurdle with be creating the social media/marketing side of things. Fortunately I’m not working/practicing at the moment so I have the time to apply to this new venture.

And I’ve taken on board what people have said about being able to financially afford such a service. I’m so lucky I don’t have to worry about finances so I can offer my new services to all on a donation v review basis to help build my profile whilst gaining further experience.

i don't know what the best title would be, but I do think that there is a need for it. People are not accustomed to death now, as they would have been in the past. I was lucky, in that my father received excellent care at the hospital where he died (I had to drive for three hours during the night to get to him) and my mother was unable to cope. I was able to advocate for him, agree that he didn't want resuscitation, ask for more morphine to calm him when he started to panic and request that he be cleaned up when necessary. The staff just knew when to come in to the room to witness his death, and the whole episode was very calm and respectful.

On the other hand, my FIL was left to starve and dehydrate to death in public in a noisy ward, with staff who seemed to not give a damn. DH and his brother were with him, and became aware of his death by checking his carotid artery. They could have done with someone like you to make the whole process more dignified.

I would use this service if it was available, most definitely.

I'm from a very close family, have a huge support network but for a third party being there who can talk practicalities, not just in the event I need to prepare for my own death, but someone also my loved ones, would be invaluable frankly.

I think I would want to know that they have a support person independent of those that love me, where they won't feel guilty leaning or asking advice that they may otherwise feel uncomfortable asking each other.

Death is a cruel part of the life cycle to those who are left to mourn, and having support can make so much difference.

@AlternativePerspective I could not disagree with you more.

Everyone deserves a good death. Yes. But reducing it to the lowest standard is not the way to do it.

Save your ire for the way that hospices have to be funded by charitable donations. That is disgraceful.

People who have the means to pay for support when maybe their families cannot offer that is not the fight you should be having.

Isn't that just a palliative nurse then?

I think it’s a great idea, and I say that as someone whose parents both died of cancer.

Some people insist on dying at home and I was absolutely dreading that situation arising. Fortunately, it didn’t come to that but, if it had done, a death doula would have been an absolute saviour (I had a job and young children and having to deal with all that, the immense emotional distress and patchwork care from various auxiliary nurses/carers would have been the stuff of nightmares). I suggest a different, more tactful job title though as no-one reaching end of life would like the thought of appointing someone with the word ‘death’ in their title.

@TeaPiglet

Isn't that just a palliative nurse then?

No, nothing like.

You're probably already aware of them but "Dying Matters" are a great organisation with lots of resources.

My boss's family hired a death doula at the end of last year. Her dad went very quickly from diagnosis to terribly ill but not ill enough for hospice support. They were privileged enough to be able to pay for 'bespoke support' of the type you describe. It worked very well for them as a family.

@sorryiasked

You're probably already aware of them but "Dying Matters" are a great organisation with lots of resources.

Dying matters are really amazing and I’ve followed them for a while now.

I agree. Lovely to volunteer this service when you can but I don’t agree with this being a ‘bespoke package’ that would be out of reach for the majority of those who would benefit from it the most.

How would money be discussed, thats what i would be concerned about.

And in theory, you could only do 1 family at a time
And what if you was busy / unavailable / to far away when the actual time came?

Practically, I do wonder how this would work out and the level of service you could reasonably offer while making an income. However, I can absolutely see a role for this and some people are focusing on the medical aspects but that’s only one part of it. It sounds like you’re proposing to offer a holistic emotional and practical service. It won’t be for everyone but I think there is a place for it.