Hi, I need some Advise.
My friend booked her wedding abroad 18 months ago and asked myself and 3 other friends of hers to be bridesmaids for her which I was over the moon about! I went with her to look at wedding dresses and was active part of picking bm dresses and accessories etc etc! Her plan was to marry in england last year secretly and have a blessing abroad, however then corona reared its ugly head and we weren’t able to meet up for lunch and to see her dress or anything before her wedding last year! It came near to the service which was 3-4 hr drive away for me and BoJo kept changing the bloody rules etc and it was when death numbers were rising rapidly again but it was still legal to have I think 15 to a wedding reception, however she rang and asked if we was still wishing to attend as she needed to know for numbers, we couldn’t go in registry office but could wait outside and all go for a meal afterwards and it was legal aslong as we were sat 3 couples per table, I discussed it with my husband and we decided it was a risk we didn’t want to take as we’ve kids and I said if it was ok with her and she wasn’t upset then we would rather not! She said it was fine and she just wanted everyone to be comfortable! I messaged her on the day and she sent me pictures!
She then sends a message in January wanting to arrange for hair trial and obviously were in lockdown and no one knows til when so I just said It was fine whenever lockdown ends if it’s safe! Then she rings me wanting to know if we were definitely going to the abroad wedding ( not til autumn ) as we’re the only attendees who haven’t bought flights and accommodation yet! I advises yes and we hadn’t as we’ve currently £10,000 tied up in other holiday company’s which prob aren’t going to go ahead and we will but need to wait til boris confirms lockdown ends as truth be told I didn’t think this time last year we’d still be in this mess 12 month later! I confirmed we’d be going! Then she asks for days in June and July we can all attend for hair trial appointment and could she have dates were not free, well I’m away in July for a week supposedly and the hubby has a work do one day in June, so I sent those dates across! the hen sends out new changed hen do plans and it all goes to shit, I aren’t a drinker or clubber, I suffer with severe anxiety which peaked really badly 2 years ago and I had a breakdown and am now on medication for it! I think I’ve always had the anxiety but didn’t realise it as after I had kids for some reason just the thought of going clubbing made me feel scared and anxious so I’ve always declined any of those kind of events, my friend knows this as we’ve been friends for nearly 2 decades! I confirmed on the hen party group page that I wouldn’t be attending, I didn’t speak to the bride as the chief bm said the bride knew dates but nothing whatsoever about the do itself so didn’t think it wise to approach her or it would of ended up in discussion and I didn’t wanna ruin any plans etc! anyway next thing a message is sent out on the bridemaids group for us all to read basically telling me how disappointed in me she is and she’s told the bride and she also is disappointed and upset with me and she felt the least I could do was message the bride out of respect! My hubby went mad as I received similar message when we didn’t attend the wedding last year, but I ignored her and spoke with my friend! Next thing my friend ( bride ) is ringing me kicking off that my hubby had the nerve to message her about her closest friend and basically to tell me how upset and angry she is that I’m not attending , that she pissed that I didn’t go to wedding last year and pissed that I’ve cancelled out an entire month when trying to get everyone for hair apt! I didn’t feel comfortable as she’s quite confrontational when she’s angry explaining my anxiety is really bad with lockdown and the thought of going into a club crowded with loads of drunk/drugged up people is something I can’t even bare atm let alone in the summer, I found out last week about it and it’s made my nerves really bad just thinking about it and also thinking how I was going to explain it as it’s quite embarrassing tbh and I feel quite ashamed that I am the way I am! I had to give up work 2 year ago because of it and I’ve not worked since as I don’t feel strong enough. I love my friend to bits and want her to have a magical day, but I feel like their pressuring me to meet when I don’t feel it’s safe during a pandemic and hurt because she gave me the ok not to attend and has now thrown it back at me,I feel awful because I’ve clearly upset her and that was never my intention and I don’t know what to do! I’m considering telling her I’m stepping down or giving her the option to sack me and giving her any money that’s she’s had to spend on me for the wedding so she’s not out of pocket financially! I just feel so upset I didn’t sleep last night and my anxiety is at all time low! We haven’t spoke today as I don’t really know what to say- my husband has chats via text with both her and her fiancé last night and they didn’t really have anything nice to say about me and he was claiming it was all about me and the wedding was actually all about my friend and I needed to get over it! I genuinely thought my friend knowing me when she asked me would of known I would be unlikely to attend a festival piss up weekend, the original plan was a weekend at a lush hotel and learning how to make cocktails and swimming in the pool aswell as a drink for those that wished, I was gutted when it changed and that I wouldn’t be attending! I just feel awful but I can’t help the way my body is wired and how I feel! Anxiety is debilitating at times and I’m finding the longer lockdown goes on the harder I’m finding to socialise with other people! I’ve no idea why she world feels so scary now as never used to in my 20’s! What should I do? I hate the fact I’ve hurt her- I hate the fact their all talking about me and prob slagging me off? I just feel so anxious and overwhelmed! I can imagine my friend feels the same trying arrange it all in a pandemic and I really feel for her!