Worst injustice from a 'friend'

Bonitalazenia · 2021-02-28T10:03:37+00:00

I had a colleague (who I considered to be a friend) house-sit for me on a number of occasions. Colleague was in a less senior position than me. I found out that she had rooted through my stuff and found my payslips (not hidden but not in plain sight) and broadcasted my salary to the rest of the workforce. This caused resentment on the part of other colleagues and created no end of hassle for me and sarky comments from others.... such as 'well if I earned your wages I wouldnt have to do as many hours'. For clarity I have a professional qualification whereas most do not. This happened a while ago but I still feel absolutely violated and gutted. My relationship with colleagues has never been the same. Anybody else had similar?

Disneyforever1974 · 28/02/2021 10:14

No but if a friend Did that to me there would be no relationship with my former friend at all. She betrayed your trust in the worst way and deliberately made your work life difficult. The only thing I would say is try to move on and forget about it for your own sake because dwelling on it long term will affect your mental well being.

IstandwithJackieWeaver · 28/02/2021 10:17

Do you not think that the fact this person abused your trust and boundaries the majority of us would consider sacrosanct is far worse than you earning more than others? I'd sure as hell be pointing that out. Then I'd get on with things, head held high. I hope she's very definitely your ex friend.

Original poster

Bonitalazenia · 28/02/2021 10:22

Thank you Disney! There is no relationship now at all. She has moved on to pastures new workwise thank goodness. I just feel gutted that someone could have done that to me and I guess I do dwell on it because of the long term ramifications it has had for me?! I should try to let it go but its difficult.

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Original poster

Bonitalazenia · 28/02/2021 10:26

Thank you Jackie-weaverite! She is no longer in any way part of my life!

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Cam2020 · 28/02/2021 10:43

My 'good friend' has pretty much dropped me now I'm going through a tough time. For balance, this has also coincided with lockdown and people have had their own issues to deal with, but hardly ever a message or phone call to check in. I message her to check that she's OK, I know I'm the only person with problems, but she's bad on messaging at the best of times and with work/kids it's difficult to find a time to call. I feel like I've only just found out that she's a fairweather friend. Lucky I have lots of other friends I still have a normal relationship with - checking in and chatting on both sides, but I can't help feeling disappointed by this friend. I think she's actually a bit of a coward and is worried I might want to lean on her emotionally, so avoids contact.

Original poster

Bonitalazenia · 28/02/2021 13:28

Im sorry to hear this Cam2020. Its crushing and heart-breaking, but I have to believe that they are indeed 'fairweather friends'. We deserve better!

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ladywithnomanors · 28/02/2021 13:47

I had a friend who I met at work - we literally worked in the same department 5 days a week, had lunch together every day, socialised together every weekend . We talked about our relationships and also presented a united front against bitchy women at work who seemed to have it in for me.This went on for a year or so.

Then one day my manager pulled me to one side and told my that the ‘friend’ had been going behind my back and spreading lies around the office.
It turns out that she spun a web of lies about me while pretending to be my friend in order for the rest of the staff to dislike me.
These included telling everyone I was sleeping around with various people when I wasn’t. Telling them I’d been to a GUM clinic and had 3 stds 😪.
She never returned to work after I confronted her about it.
Oh and the. Icing on the cake was when a few weeks later I was hauled before the HR managers because an anonymous phone all had been made saying I was HIV positive and I was sleeping around with workforce. I know it was her.
I haven’t seen her since but if I did I’d spit in her face.

Disneyforever1974 · 28/02/2021 14:32

OMG that’s awful @ladywithnomanors. You poor thing. Isn’t that slander? Can you do anything legally about it? Has it affected you job/ standing in the work environment?

ladywithnomanors · 28/02/2021 15:31

Disney - this all happened in 2000 - 2001. After she left everyone realised what a lying cow she was and I actually got on with the rest of the office - I think they felt sorry for me and realised how gullible they had been to believe her in the first place.
I left the job and moved out of the area a few months later so luckily it didn’t affect my career in the long term.
I do find it difficult to trust friends though - I think the only people I 100% trust are my DH and Dsis .

poppyzbrite4 · 28/02/2021 16:05

I made a film, which cost a few thousand (an indie, not huge studio production). I made it with a friend who directed. I was the scriptwriter, producer, set designer and assisted in the direction. On the last day of filming, he disappeared and I haven't seen him or my film since. I tried to sue but it would have cost thousands. On the website he has put himself down as the screenwriter and my name is missing from the credits.

It wasn't being made to make money, we were meant to be friends who wanted to do something creative. It took a year to write and plan.

That's probably the worst, but I have been betrayed by other 'friends'.

Original poster

Bonitalazenia · 01/03/2021 08:36

@ladywithnomanors this is horrendous! What a betrayal!
Same for @poppyzbrite4!
My situation caused for me what I can only consider a hate campaign...around this time I received an anonymous stencilled letter through the post that my husband was a lecherous creep who had sexted several of my colleagues (absolutely not true)
He worked for the same company at the time. I'm positive I know who it was due to the bad spelling and style of writing. I changed my shift pattern so as not to have to encounter this coven of witches but it has affected me long term in that I never want to get friendly with colleagues again and keep things on a purely professional basis.

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Love51 · 01/03/2021 08:42

@ladywithnomanors

I had a friend who I met at work - we literally worked in the same department 5 days a week, had lunch together every day, socialised together every weekend . We talked about our relationships and also presented a united front against bitchy women at work who seemed to have it in for me.This went on for a year or so.

Then one day my manager pulled me to one side and told my that the ‘friend’ had been going behind my back and spreading lies around the office.
It turns out that she spun a web of lies about me while pretending to be my friend in order for the rest of the staff to dislike me.
These included telling everyone I was sleeping around with various people when I wasn’t. Telling them I’d been to a GUM clinic and had 3 stds 😪.
She never returned to work after I confronted her about it.
Oh and the. Icing on the cake was when a few weeks later I was hauled before the HR managers because an anonymous phone all had been made saying I was HIV positive and I was sleeping around with workforce. I know it was her.
I haven’t seen her since but if I did I’d spit in her face.

The only thing HT should have been saying is we are sorry to have allowed a culture to develop where this kind of bullying is rife, it isn't anyone's business who you sleep with and how can we support you!

Whataroyalannoyance · 01/03/2021 08:48

I had a friend from the age of 13 too 37. Spent holidays together, she is my kids god mother, saw her through the death of he parents etc. One day she came over for Sunday dinner. Then I never saw or heard from her again. She deleted me on social media, ignored calls and texts. I have zero idea why. I might have said or done something but I will never know now. Really made me feel like shit

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 01/03/2021 09:00

I hope your colleague got the sack for that OP!

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 01/03/2021 09:15

@ladywithnomanors

I had a friend who I met at work - we literally worked in the same department 5 days a week, had lunch together every day, socialised together every weekend . We talked about our relationships and also presented a united front against bitchy women at work who seemed to have it in for me.This went on for a year or so.

Then one day my manager pulled me to one side and told my that the ‘friend’ had been going behind my back and spreading lies around the office.
It turns out that she spun a web of lies about me while pretending to be my friend in order for the rest of the staff to dislike me.
These included telling everyone I was sleeping around with various people when I wasn’t. Telling them I’d been to a GUM clinic and had 3 stds 😪.
She never returned to work after I confronted her about it.
Oh and the. Icing on the cake was when a few weeks later I was hauled before the HR managers because an anonymous phone all had been made saying I was HIV positive and I was sleeping around with workforce. I know it was her.
I haven’t seen her since but if I did I’d spit in her face.

this is horrific and enough to destroy your trust in making new friends. But as another PP said, is this not slander? There are some truly vile people in this world.

Angel2702 · 01/03/2021 09:18

That’s an appalling breach of trust but would also be grounds for disciplinary action in many workplaces. There is often a clause in your contract that requires you to not reveal or discuss your salary with colleagues.

Original poster

Bonitalazenia · 01/03/2021 09:39

@Angel2702 @FrostyChocolateMilkshake My bosses said it wasn't a work issue?! Same for malicious anonymous letter...As both occurred in my home. I think they just didnt have the backbone to deal with it and it has certainly coloured my opinion of them. It was a couple of years ago and Ive had to let it go.

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RootyT00t · 01/03/2021 09:41

I am gobsmacked that these clowns were more appalled by your wage than the fact your friend rooted through your personal things!

absolutehush · 01/03/2021 09:48

@Angel2702 I believe it's illegal (equalities act 2010) for a company to ban/have a contractual stipulation to prevent you from discussing your salary as it prevents collective bargaining.

That said, they can be very difficult about it!

OP,I'm so sorry that happened to you. People can be awful!

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 01/03/2021 22:10

@RootyT00t

I am gobsmacked that these clowns were more appalled by your wage than the fact your friend rooted through your personal things!

Makes me feel as though the colleagues were in on it somehow.