... to ask if you'd stay or move?

[yorksgal]

I live half a mile from my childhood home. Super close to my mum and my 2 DC (11 and 4) are too. Pre Covid restrictions we would pop round three times a week and until my youngest started school they went to my mum twice a week while I worked.

My parents have decided to retire and next week they move to a lovely village an hour and a half away. I'm happy for them but desperately sad about the change. Both kids are very tearful about it- I'm putting a brace face on as I know it's a retirement dream for my mum.

If we move closer the kids would have to change school, we'd have to find new jobs and our friends are local. If we stay here I feel like I've lost a bit of my mum DH doesn't get it and I think is secretly glad she can't drop in any more!

Not really sure what the AIBU is, just felt sad and can't sleep.

Sorry you're feeling so sad about it. New school and new jobs? I would absolutely stay!! Also, I'm sure they love their family to bits but they're choosing to move, do they necessarily want you to follow!?

@busface999

Sorry you're feeling so sad about it. New school and new jobs? I would absolutely stay!! Also, I'm sure they love their family to bits but they're choosing to move, do they necessarily want you to follow!?

Yes, my mum would love us to go too. It's the area we live in she wants to escape from- busy town. They are moving somewhere semi-rural.

They have room for us to stay so it'll be weekend trips for the foreseeable I guess!

That's tough! My parents live 45 minutes away in a lovely rural area and I love visiting. I often stay over and 2 nights feels like such a break from our busy town!

Could you move a little closer to them so you could keep your jobs and friends but knock down the travel time to them?

Personally moving DC to new primary wouldn't be a consideration for me, I'd have no problem doing it. Just the jobs and friends.

Ah, I'm sorry you're upset but it is only 1h30 away, my inlaws do childcare for us twice a week from that distance. Surely they will still visit you for days too? If you like the area and are settled i wouldn't move schools and job, especially after such an unsettling year. Try to look at the positives- maybe it will just mean that you appreciate the time you do get to spend together that bit more.

Hasn't it occurred to you that they want a quieter life with more time for themselves now? Stay where you are and accept and embrace the change. It's an hour and a half away, too far for constant popping in but near enough for regular visits.

Stay. Go for weekends. It’s only 1.5 hours away so whilst you can’t pop in for a coffee, it’s not the end of the world.

@joystir59

Hasn't it occurred to you that they want a quieter life with more time for themselves now? Stay where you are and accept and embrace the change. It's an hour and a half away, too far for constant popping in but near enough for regular visits.

Thats not why they are moving- I can't explain fully as massively outing. My mum wants us to go with them.

@HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur

Ah, I'm sorry you're upset but it is only 1h30 away, my inlaws do childcare for us twice a week from that distance. Surely they will still visit you for days too? If you like the area and are settled i wouldn't move schools and job, especially after such an unsettling year. Try to look at the positives- maybe it will just mean that you appreciate the time you do get to spend together that bit more.

Thank you 🥰 we don't have room for them to stay at the moment which is a bit annoying but we are redoing our lounge and I'm looking for good quality sofa beds!

I wouldn't move, that's a lot of upheaval, maybe they could come to yours to help with childcare?

I can't stand my mother so perhaps I just can't empathise but I find it genuinely bizarre that you would even consider moving house, new schools, new jobs, totally different lifestyle (urban to rural just as your older child is likely to start wanting to do more independently) to be close to your mum. 1.5 hours away, you could still see her every weekend if you really wanted to.

I love my mother dearly, and my PIL too, but I wouldn't even dream of uprooting our family because of the grandparents. If you're happy, have good jobs, kids happy in school then you're winning, don't risk it. PIL are about that distance from us and we saw them all the time pre covid.

Honestly OP, it'll be fine. Even if you still want to move maybe give it a year to see how things settle before you uproot.

Also, if I lived somewhere I was happy with and my kids were happy at school, I would be very unimpressed if DH suggested moving to be closer to his parents!

Im close to my DP, I moved 3 hrs away for 10 yrs, it was lovely to visit during school holidays each time.
We then moved back (Relationship break down) Im now 15mins away from DP.
My DC love seeing their GP ( Childcare bubble at mo),
But , I would never up heave my family to move closer to my DP, without good reason, its bit OTT you would consider it really.

Enjoy visiting, its a nice break from the norm