Old friend trouble

[annoymous12]

5 years ago, I fell out with a close family friend. We were once as close as sisters, the same age, grew up together as our families were friends.

Whilst we were friends and in our early twenties (now in our late) she was going through a bad time so I invited her on a couple of nights out with another close friend of mine I had known since school. They probably only met about twice.

Then we fell out, it was a big fall out, we haven't spoken since and there has been little attempt on either side for 5 years to make up. Long story short, she treated me badly and I haven't or don't want to patch things up now. I'm happy to have gone our separate ways.

In the last few years, she has been trying to get close to my friend she met twice. She has been 'liking' and 'loving' and commenting on facebook posts (me and her not even facebook friends anymore but I see it) and I know she messages her. I find it uncomfortable, because firstly, she knows me and my friend have been close friends for years and still are, so why would she try to become close to her with all that has happened? I don't message her friends I met in the past? And secondly, I don't really like to think she knows all that happens in my life through my friend, not that I don't trust my friend.

I know I have no say in who my close friend speaks to of course, and I do think she is mostly being polite to my old friend. But sometimes I feel like I should distance myself away from the pair as it continues to bother me but then I remember, me and my close friend are still close and always were and I wouldn't want to lose her friendship over this.

I don't know how to deal with this and frankly I feel like I'm a teenager again.

What did you fall out about? Is this her way of controlling you/keeping tabs on you?

Does your newer friend know you fell out with this family friend?

I had something a bit similar. Fell out with friend E. she was very nasty though, as is her way if she has any issue with anyone

I had previously introduced E and D (long time friend)

They became friends on FB to share photos of an event I hosted. After E and I fell out, I told D that we had fallen out, that I was no longer FB friends with E and so I wouldn’t see any posts that reference E. D said she was only FB friends with E because of me so she was going to unfriend E. they never met up without me previously so no common link. That was over a year ago and there’s been no repercussions on any side

Tell your friend, just so she knows. It’s then up to her what she does but not likely they’ll remain FB friends.

Is your newer friend also liking posts made by the friend you no longer speak to? Or does she just ignore her on FB, but hasn't/won't deleted her?
Does your newer friend know that you have fallen out with the older friend? And why? What is her take on it, ie does she think you are being unreasonable?

My close friend knows all that happened with the old friend. She knows I want nothing more to do with the old friend. But I know the old friend (for some bizarre reason) messages my close friend. And that my close friend responses to be polite. She won't remove her from facebook, of course, I have no say in this, but would prefer that she would.

Its awkward tbh, I feel abit uncomfortable with not knowing exactly how friendly they are and I feel awkward to ask my close friend. But close friend would know I'm not too comfortable with it.