To think my son is better off not wearing a mask..

[Cookie9214]

Don’t jump down my throat. Let me explain!

DS is autistic and he is only 10 so does not have to wear one in England - yet.

We have been trying out some masks on him - god forbid we will still be wearing them when he turns 11.

DS generally cannot tolerate anything near his head - hats, hair cuts, dentist etc. It takes a lot of practise so we’ve been trying out masks. He’s actually worn them for short bursts which is great. A while ago he refused to try one at all.

BUT! I find when he’s wearing one I find he’s always touching his face. Fiddling with his mask, re-positioning it etc. So on that alone for now aibu to think if he’s touching his face constantly with a mask on I’m thinking he’s better off not wearing one as touching his face constantly which puts himself and potentially others at risk. He doesn’t touch his face with no mask on. We wash/sanitise hands regularly though.

Of course I try and teach him not to touch his face but not as easy as that with an autistic child. He is 10 but quite young understanding wise for his age.

We don’t really take him anywhere he would need to wear one now but this could change as the year goes on.

So aibu to just try for very short bursts for now and not forcing it?

I’m reading so much on people saying that there’s no excuses for not wearing a mask but some people really do struggle for whatever reason.

The face touching when he has a mask on makes me super paranoid about catching the virus. 😭 yet no face touching without one on.

Surely he will just have a medical exemption? From what you say he should do.

@partyatthepalace

Surely he will just have a medical exemption? From what you say he should do.

Yes I assume so. But I’ve been reading so much negativity things such as ‘if you can’t wear a mask you should not go out etc’. the 11 year olds in the year 6 class at the school (DS is in year 5 so a little way to go yet!) have been wearing masks when arriving and exiting the school. Just not sure how he would manage!

He is medically exempt. End of.

My son turned 11 a few months ago. He has not once worn a mask, and no one has questioned this.

It sounds as though any benefit from his wearing a mask would be negated by the constant touching/rearranging/pulling so it's not really worthwhile? Of course you can try to keep practising to see if he will learn to tolerate it but there doesn't seem to be much point if it can't do the job its supposed to, or worse, increase the risk. I think medical exemption is very valid in his case. Good luck

He is ABSOLUTELY entitled to a medical exemption. Schools (assuming he has an EHCP?) must also make "reasonable" adjustments, and this does qualify. Even if he has transport (you don't specify if it's mainstream or SN school), he is not obligated to wear one.

You could try a shield if you are worried and he would tolerate it better though? Just not with a foam band as these are single use.

People are arses about masks.

Many NT people fiddle with masks because the damn things keep slipping, even with nose bridges. Interestingly had a discussion with a former Health Secretary (Minister?) who said when she was in office and they wargamed a pandemic, the advice then (afterwards?) was very strongly NOT to go down mask route for public because of exactly that. You fiddle, touch something else and there are your germs spread to somewhere else. She felt that if masks did come in then it was a visual reminder that things weren't normal and that we should all be being careful, or to be seen as if we were doing something, not for actual health benefits.

Get him a sunflower lanyard and get teacher to explain what this means so when he goes to secondary school he has a bunch of peers on hand to help stick up for him if needed.

I'm autistic- I'm considered 'high functioning', as I'm married, have a child, job etc.
However I cannot stand hats/masks etc either. I wear my diagnostic info label on a sunflower lanyard, and I've received no negativity.

Of course he shouldn't have to wear a mask. Nor should any school child, certainly not all day. He does not need to prove he has an exemption either - the school have no right to question this.

Scientific evidence for mask effectiveness is slender, to say the least. When they introduced them last summer, the govt themselves admitted it was to increase consumer confidence!

It sounds like he's entitled to an exemption. But it might be worth keeping trying if he wants to wear a mask to fit in - he may touch it a bit less if he gets more used to it?

People have been complete arseholes about masks

My DD has Tourette’s and exempt - masks exacerbate her tics to the point she punches herself in the face. She can tolerate them for a few minutes so wears them for as long as she can manage - we have tried building up her tolerance but her tics just aren’t having it. Her high school have been brilliant about it

I’ve bought her a lanyard from Hidden Disabilities website, they’re only a few quid and reasonable people do see them and take notice. She just shows her card in shops/busses/in school and no one has ever questioned her.

She has had a fair amount of the disablist “if you can’t wear a mask you shouldn’t go out” bollocks and it does upset her and we’ve had periods of her refusing to leave the house because of it.

Arseholes are going to be arseholes whether it’s about masks or something else (lateral flow testing seems to be the new thing to be an arsehole about).

My highly intelligent 16yo autistic lad cannot tolerate a mask.

He doesn't wear one.

Im all for mask wearing and I wear one all the time it's required and follow the hand hygiene that goes with it properly.

He just cannot tolerate it and he's exempt so .....🤷‍♀️

He's definitely medically exempt, just make sure you give his school notice and perhaps give him a card to carry with him in case he gets stopped by ableist teachers or those who don't know better. If he is happy to wear one, despite the touching, it may be preferable that he wears one when going to the shops or busy places as it will still reduce the risk of him passing anything on (though I completely understand why it seems unnecessary when he is touching it). Of course, if it causes him distress he's absolutely allowed to not wear one at all.

Buy him a sunflower lanyard

My son is 12 OP and we are in Scotland where they have to wear them from 5. My son has ASD and sounds similar to yours, always touching his face etc and I got him an exemption card via Scottish gov website. He’s actually coped pretty well though and has got used to them, but we did have to use the lanyard and card a few times at the start x

So aibu to just try for very short bursts for now and not forcing it?

Yanbu, this sounds like the perfect solution. It’s likely that there will be times that it would be good for him to wear one, and it’s good for him to know that he can wear one if he needs to. But it should be entirely for his own benefit because he will be exempt, and should feel no pressure to do it. I don’t think he should feel like he has to justify that to anyone else by wearing a sunflower lanyard either unless he would prefer to.

My 12 year old who is autistic doesn't wear one. She has a sunflower lanyard with an attached card that says she is exempt. I think we have had to show it once to an official person in the whole of covid times.

She usually doesn't actually wear the lanyard too but we have it with us.

Interestingly had a discussion with a former Health Secretary (Minister?) who said when she was in office and they wargamed a pandemic, the advice then (afterwards?) was very strongly NOT to go down mask route for public because of exactly that. You fiddle, touch something else and there are your germs spread to somewhere else.

But that was a general situation- it was the thinking with covid at first too - then they realised, as they'd wrongly thought before that covid transmission through surfaces was practically nil, and that actually it was aerosols hanging in the air that masks can still help with if not fully then at least partially. However dc in this post is medically exempt so I'd leave it. No need when he doesn't have to wear one plus going through this when it might not even be a thing in September seems a bit pointless IMO

My DS is the same in the sense of constantly fiddling with it. He can tolerate it, no medical reason not to wear one but I 100% think in actual terms of virus prevention, he'd be better off not. Every time he touches it and then puts his hands on something he's more likely to transmit it than if he wasn't wearing one. Frankly most adults are the same, including me. Cashier at the shop the other day kept pulling hers away from her face, rested her chin in her and rubbed her nose, then handled my shopping. 🙄

Please continue trying in short bursts. Long enough say for a walk around a supermarket, or moving around a corridor in school. Face coverings will not be something that completely ends this year, there may remain some settings (doctor's waiting room perhaps) where it still is needed.

He’s exempt. There’s no further discussion in my mind.

@Cookie9214 Can I ask how this has been resolved now he's returned to school? My 11 year old is exempt and has told me this morning he's the only child in his year 7 class not wearing one and another child questioned him 3 times why he wasn't wearing a mask. Clearly trying to rile him by asking him repeatedly and my son is now quite anxious about school.