To be annoyed by my parents not wanting to be in a bubble with me

[helloitsteayourlooking]

I had a baby at the start of the first lockdown. Just as most people did we didn't see anyone and I just got on with it. My DH was working out the house. I was annoyed a bit jealous that some other family were all seeing each other, but that was pre support bubbles.

I thought once it was allowed my parents would want to see us, but no. They didn't and won't bubble with me. There are some risks with DH working, but he's not a medic and is tested twice a week. They haven't seen the kids and are really funny about video calls saying they don't like them. I honestly just think this is the end of the relationship. I don't know whether they are annoyed I have coped without them? My mum suffers with anxiety about cooking or making food for people so we can't visit these days anyway, unless we take a packed lunch and maybe because I live 70
miles away, they don't want to do the drive here now at age 70 ( although they are both feel, fit) . I understand, but my DS will be back at school so I won't have time to go there and back in the school day with a baby and would certainly not be able to do it without going indoors or eating. Whilst they have tried to be quite controlling parents and I have resisted this, but I do think it sad that they are letting it go. I try to send my mum updates of what we are doing (walks / park / crafts with older DS) but I don't get much back, even if I ask. I know officially mixing indoors is may 17th, but they could mix with me to support me with the kids /baby. My DH doesn't have parents alive now unfortunately.

So my baby will be turning one soon and my parents haven't met her or seen her in real life. My DS & DD are their only grandchildren. I suppose it's the same for people with family abroad, but mine are just a few counties away not countries

I would be disappointed too. If you’re not getting much back from them with messages etc I just wouldn’t bother with them. It is sad though.

I can totally understand you feeling disappointed and hurt - the food thing is a shame too as I would do anything to make our DC feel welcome in that situation even if it was providing bread and ingredients to make your own sandwiches ?
Have you asked if it’s anxiety about Covid stopping them ? It might help to gently ask why as if it isn’t I would feel tempted to protect myself and back away from making the effort .
I feel for you especially wanting to show them your young DC too

Another thing to bear in mind is could they be having a hard time ? I’ve had friends go quiet during the pandemic and don’t push it if they don’t want to chat but I think a lot of people have been coping with a lot of stress and cope in the way they can. It just helps that sometimes it isn’t personal but it would still hurt with your parents

It must be some kind of extreme Covid anxiety and of course my mum suffers with some specific anxiety anyway. They are ok for money, great pensions, good health as far as I know. They live in a lovely quiet area with a nice house with views and quiet walks if they want.

Maybe I need to see it as more of a release from them and see what happens. I feel a bit down they aren't interested in the kids.

That sounds really tough, OP. I totally understand why you're feeling the way you are. Is your mum quite anxious about other things? I wonder if she might be struggling with her mental health? It doesn't negate how you feel at all or mean you shouldn't feel that way, but might it help understand what's going on?