To feel constantly terrified of making a mistake at work?

[nervousatwork]

I started a new job recently. I know I'm qualified for it and I have received thorough, intensive training. However, I'm constantly afraid of making a mistake. It's a lab-based job so it involves using complicated and expensive equipment, having to adhere to strict protocols and there are lots of different steps to remember to do in specific orders and a tiny oversight can cause damages that are very expensive and inconvenient to fix.

I know I am competent and trained and i have spent a lot of my evenings and weekends going over what I have to do. But when I'm doing it I am so nervous and afraid of making a mistake and I think it's making me come across poorly to my colleagues. I am very hesitant and like to double check things which whilst that means I have not made any mistakes, it also means I come across as less confident than my colleagues who are a lot more confident and proactive than me although this means they have ended up making a few minor mistakes as part of the learning process during training. At night I can't sleep as I'm going through my day making sure everything was left ok as the equipment runs overnight, I'm on edge every time I check my work email as I'm convinced I'm going to get an email saying I've done something wrong. On the other hand, I'm also scared I'm going to get fired for being so hesitant.

Does anyone have any advice? I have worked similar jobs in the past but I had a lot more independence and autonomy so I could take my time with things and cross-reference my notes. This is a lot more fast-paced. I'm not sure whether to go to my GP as I think this is anxiety. I know I'm good at my job, trained and qualified but I just find it hard to trust myself.

Do you have a mentor or line manager to discuss your concerns with? Are your colleagues helpful?

All of your confident colleagues have probably already made a mistake and realised it's not the end of the world. Mistakes happen, we're all human. I've made mistakes at work and lost sleep through dreading the repercussions. But it has never been as bad as I had built up in my mind.
Talk to your manager, tell them how worried you are. They'll probably tell you that your worst case scenario happens several times a year, and everyone just fixes it, and moves on.

I've not met my line manager yet, I would feel embarrassed talking about the extent of my anxiety as I think it would give them a negative first impression of me and I know I'm being OTT and my anxiety is irrational.

The colleagues I've met so far are all really nice and have shared that they too found it intimidating at first. However, I know their patience will start wearing thin if I continue to be as hesitant as I have been. Everytime I finish setting everything up and get it to start I can feeling panic rising in me, bordering on triggering a panic attack at just the potential that something could go wrong and how embarrassed and guilty I would feel.

I work in a field where results get published and then sometimes someone tries to replicate them to build on them. Mistakes get found. I’ve been doing this for a very long time and the sinking feeling in my stomach when I think I might have found a problem on something that hasn’t even gone out for review yet is just awful.

The truth is you will make mistakes. We all do. I’m an expert in my field. Most of my reputation was built on the fact that I am extremely detail oriented and tend to catch things others don’t. It still doesn’t change the fact that I am human and I am going to make a mistake sometimes.

The people working above you understand this. They have been there. They have felt the same terror you are feeling. They have just learned to accept it and tamp it down. I promise it will get easier. You will gain confidence in procedures and routine.

If I was your colleague I'd be happy to check over your work if your worried. I would much rather a newbie asked if they were not sure.