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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not travel to the UK under these circumstances?

54 replies

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 27/02/2021 02:15

DH is British but moved abroad to my country almost a decade ago. Pre-pandemic, we would visit his family in the UK every 18 months or so. Because of the pandemic, we missed our last trip. His grandparents are aging and unwell. His mother hasn’t met our DC2 now 2 years old.

DH really wants to plan a trip to the UK this summer. I’m sympathetic, particularly to be able see his ailing grandparents as they very likely have months but not years ahead of them. They have been vaccinated, and UK vaccinations are proceeding at a pace unimaginable to us!

BUT: WE will not have been vaccinated by this summer. We will also have a 4yo, 2yo and a newborn. While I deeply respect my DH’s desire to go, it just sounds like total madness to attempt with two toddlers and a newborn under normal circumstances... let alone during COVID needing to worry about masks on an 8-hour flight, and quarantine when we get back, not to mention the health risk to us (we have no risk factors, but even with mild illness for a couple of weeks, it would be so miserable looking after three young kids...)

DH sees my logic but is very sad about it. AIBU to hold this line, or should we book a trip and then see closer to the time if we need to cancel?

OP posts:

Alaimo · 27/02/2021 05:32

DH and I live in continental Europe, and while DH would like to go to the UK to see his parents this summer we're not booking anything yet. I personally think the quarantine requirement in the UK will still be in place for overseas unvaccinated travellers, and i dont fancy spending half my holiday locked inside.

And you ask if you should book now and then cancel. Are there even any airlines or insurance companies that will let you do that and give you a full refund?

cocob92 · 27/02/2021 06:00

This reply has been deleted

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AgentJohnson · 27/02/2021 06:25

If the roles were reversed and it was your ailing GP’s in the UK, would you be as reticent?

knitnerd90 · 27/02/2021 06:31

DH and I are in the USA; his parents are in the UK (one of mine is in the USA and one is in another country). Last summer's trip obviously had to be cancelled, and we are not keen to do it this year. We might get our jabs by summer; we might not. If they were really poorly I'd consider the trip, but it just seems so iffy trying to plan it not knowing how things will go.

Londonnight · 27/02/2021 06:44

My son and his family are in Canada. I haven't yet met my one year old grandson -- I was due to fly to Canada last year, but obviously that was cancelled.
I also have very elderly parents here in the UK who my son is close to and visits every time they come over from Canada.
I haven't seen my son for over two years now due to Covid. We do Skype weekly and use whatsapp

My son isn't planning on travelling to the UK at all this year with his family, and me not there either. I couldn't imagine doing the flight with very young children having to wear masks. You will also need to quarantine here for 10 days at a cost of £1700 each plus your toddlers, then have to quarantine when you get back to Canada. That's before you even get to see family.
My son has accepted that there is a possibility of not seeing his grandparents again.

If quarantine restrictions are lifted later in the year we may consider travelling to see each other.

peak2021 · 27/02/2021 06:50

If you would not want to be in a hotel for 10 days, don't. If you are planning to travel in school holidays, be prepared for long waits at the UK airport, as the Borders Agency seem incapable of planning for July and August especially at Heathrow. Even though school summer holidays and paid time off have been law since the 1930s.

bertieb7 · 27/02/2021 06:52

I think I would wait for a few months and then make the decision as things are getting better by the day. I am still holding out hope got a holiday in September! Airplanes are also (rightly so!) half empty so the journey might not be as stressful as it would normally be. You will get to spread out over more seats, although I agree a mask for 8 hours would not be pleasant. It would be the quarantine not at home on return which would put me off, assuming this will be in a hotel room with three kids.

ElfHatOnPicture · 27/02/2021 06:52

We are ina country in Asia where it is accepted that if you leave to go to high risk countries such as the UK, you won't get back in. So we have decided we won't be visiting family in the UK for probably a year or two, sadly.

Cindersrellie · 27/02/2021 06:55

Another thought - by the summer, the quarantine rules may well have been lifted or there might be a travel corridor with your country. I'd wait two months and then look into it again.

Notavegan · 27/02/2021 07:02

No way, not with kids those ages and risk of quarantine

Mumdiva99 · 27/02/2021 07:20

Forget Covid. No way would I be taking a transatlantic flight with 3 that age, or staying away from creature comforts. I had 3 kids those exact ages and packing to go away was long and hard and there was lots of stuff. My youngest was actually my easiest baby and we had a holiday in the UK when he was about 4/5 months - so before the mobile stage - and it was OK. But if he'd slept badly like my first that would have been horrendous. Up and down all night to see to him. He only slept in my bed and on holiday there wouldn't have been space for that. It would have woken the other kids etc etc

I think if your husband really wants to go he should go alone, as you have said you can make home life work for a while.

Plus the quarentine in the UK won't be a fun holiday for you or the kids. Stuck inside for the holiday- really....

Cowmilk · 27/02/2021 07:20

I would suggest your dh and one dc come in the summer.

Or open a new savings account that contains the funding for this journey, then use it when you need it. Having a plan sometimes makes people calmer. Then use the money as soon as quarantine in uk finishes. I would save the extra money because I assume there will be few people planning this so airlines would make it more expensive.

Frenchfancy · 27/02/2021 07:29

I would not be going. I only have a one hour flight and my dc are almost grown but I still won't be going.
Dd1 caught covid last April she ended up with 5 months off work and can only work now by taking daily painkillers. My cousin (aged 47 no t at risk) is currently on a respirator and is unlikely to recover. Covid is not just killing old people and everyone else just gets a sniffle.

gavisconismyfriend · 27/02/2021 07:30

At the moment Canada isn’t on the quarantine list for England/Wales but it is for Scotland and other parts of the U.K. may follow suit - as our internal restrictions lift, there maybe greater action regarding external borders etc. However it is your husband’s family so I’d let him make the call. If you are the one driving the decision not to go and something happens to the GP he may hold you responsible for his not seeing them. Up to him, his DPs and GPs if they want to take the risk to his GPs.

Kokosrieksts · 27/02/2021 07:50

The infection rates will have gone down by summer. It’s so blown out of proportion that it infuriates me, just go and see the family. Putting a mask on on the plain is no big deal.

minniemoocher · 27/02/2021 07:52

I would suggest dp goes without you but takes the 4 year old who will get more out of the trip, can follow rules etc. Alternatively hold fire and relook at the situation in a month

cooldarkroom · 27/02/2021 07:53

If you are in Canada, on your return you can as a Canadian citizen refuse the PCR test on your return & refuse to quarantine as per the law !!! They might give you a ticket but its not upheld in court !!!
On the other hand, I wouldn't tell your H that, as I wouldnt want to go

Kokosrieksts · 27/02/2021 07:58

Sorry, I hadn’t seen that kids from 2 have to wear a mask. That is bonkers and infuriates me further. That plain journey would put me off. So sorry you are in this situation.

yikesanotherbooboo · 27/02/2021 08:00

I would want to come in your DH's shoes however I would wait to find out about quarantine arrangements. They would be my arbiter. Masks on planes for a few hours wouldn't bother me and not would vaccine status . By the summer all adults in the U.K. will have been vaccinated. Your DC will get to meet GGPs and GPs and it will be an adventure although I can understand why you feel daunted.

Yogatomorrow · 27/02/2021 08:12

I would think to the future and how your husband will feel when his parents have died and he didn't go to see them because of hassle and expense. How will they feel knowing that? How will you feel?

From the sounds of your post, that is how the future is very probably going to play out. Sometimes hard things need to be done for those we love. Let him go by himself. I think if one or both of them passes in the near future, you will both be happier that he visited.

On personal note, feeling that someone prevented you from seeing a loved one before their death can create horrible bitterness. Suffered that.

justamummydoingherbest · 27/02/2021 08:30

I would wait. I can't imagine any country actually letting you in or allowing transit atm. We are not allowed overseas visitors into the uk atm anyway.

Hopdathelf · 27/02/2021 08:35

but even with mild illness for a couple of weeks, it would be so miserable looking after three young kids.

It would probably be so miserable for your husband if he missed an opportunity to see family and they subsequently passed away.

Suck it up and stop being selfish. If Covid has shown us anything it’s that we can’t take for granted just popping over to see family next month, next year or whatever.

Hopdathelf · 27/02/2021 08:37

I can't imagine any country actually letting you in or allowing transit atm. We are not allowed overseas visitors into the uk atm anyway.

I assume “atm” is at the moment? If so you might want to give the OP another read and reconsider how useful your advice is.

whiteroseredrose · 27/02/2021 08:43

I certainly wouldn't book anything yet. Things are still unpredictable.

If rates are better in the summer, and you can face a 5hr+ flight with young children (I couldn't) then you could book at the last minute.

I'm sorry that your DH is now worried about never seeing his GPs again but it is a sad consequence of moving so far away.

ouchmyfeet · 27/02/2021 08:49

I wouldn't even contemplate such a long journey with kids those ages, even without the hotel quarantine to consider.

If his parents have been vaccinated could they not plan to travel to you instead? If his grandparents are still alive the parents can't be that old!

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