To ask would anyone rather not know if their partner/husband was cheating on them?

[chuckb4ss]

I guess in an ignorance is bliss kind of way?

If it was current and I suspected, then maybe. If it had been over for years and I was unsuspecting we were both happy, then no.

Unsuspecting AND we were both happy.

MN will often do the "tell them so they know who you are" thing but that reads to me as being motivated by a desire for the cheater to be punished at all costs. There's more than one way to make collateral damage out of an innocent spouse and family and I'm not convinced one motivation is nobler than the other.

This is weird, I started almost exactly the same thread a couple of hours ago.

Christ no, why would I want to be made a fool of and spend my life with someone who is taking the piss out of me? I never understand women who turn a blind eye.

If want to know

I see both sides. If I could not know or suspect I would protect my heart and my family. I see the appeal of this.

Knowing but turning a blind eye, fuck no. That would destroy me.

I posted on the other thread - I would want to know. I don’t understand any woman who wouldn’t want to know - why would you want to live a lie?

I would want to know so I can choose to leave and find someone else I could spend my life with who would treat me better. Not telling your spouse you cheated on completely removes their autonomy and choice and consent. You’re withholding information from them that you know that if they knew, would (most likely) lead to them leaving you. Let them find the happiness they deserve.

People who decide to confess to affairs that happened years and years ago are abhorrent though. That puts your partner through so much pain and means they find out they have wasted their years staying in a marriage that was a lie and a sham and if they knew sooner, might have had the chance to remarry and have a happy life again. It’s just stealing years and choices from them.

Depends on what you think the lie is or why it matters. If it is true that he loves me, and he wants a life with me, and he wants to make me happy, and I'm unaffected by this thing that's in the past, then that's enough truth for me.

If he doesn't actually love or want me, that's another matter, but then the affair is the symptom, not the problem itself.

I can see if you were financially dependent on someone or in need of physical care for example that you may wish to not know. I live in an expensive part of the country and I can imagine it would be difficult to afford 2 houses. I certainly wouldn’t put my child in poverty if I wasn’t in the position to financially support them so in that situation I can imagine not wishing to know.

I'd want to know no matter how long ago it was, I think the decision should be mine wether to stay or leave. If I found out my partner cheated when we first met I'd be devastated but ultimately the choice Wether to continue should lie with the cheated partner IMO

I'd like to know, I'm not sure how I'd deal with it I'd feel very let down even if it was in the past.