My nan died last night, I'm broken hearted, I was very close to her, but she was old, it's the natural order of life.
I'm feeling upset and emotional right now, but I'd say that a significant portion of that upset, is how DH has treated me the last two days.
She was admitted Monday night, on Tuesday morning I delivered some food up to my DDad as he'd been with her all night, I weren't allowed to visit so I went home.
Later in the afternoon her condition deteriorated and they relaxed visiting as were moving to end of life care so I dropped everything and went up there, so far DH supportive of this.
Wednesday she's still hanging on, so I go up there and spend 4 hours with her, I'm home before dinner, which I prepare for kids and DH.
The next day (yesterday) shes still hanging on, I see this as my last chance to see her, told DH I was going to go up there in the afternoon. This is where the AIBU comes in.
DH states he needed to get his tyres replaced and wanted to go out for a run, to "get out of this fucking house" (he's been homeschooling DD1 while I take care of DD2). He basically, starts being funny with me, getting grumpy and moody, which makes me feel guilty for leaving DDs with him to go to my Nan's bedside. I said to him I'd wait until he had a run to go up there but this wasn't good enough as he had to eat first and wait two hours for the food to digest before going, so then I wouldn't be going until late and therefore not back until late. He said just to go.
So I went after I'd got DD2 down for a nap, I was with her just over 2 hours, then went home, in that 2 hours I'd text DH to ask if DD2 had woke from nap/was she okay etc, and I get short sharp responses from him. No care about what was happening.
I told him over text I'm unlikely to be coming up Friday (as she was last few hours of life) and to book in tyres, he said no slots so can't do it.
So I come back from hospital, ate dinner and shortly after got a call from DDad to say she had passed away, obviously I was upset. He obviously didn't know what to do/say. This isn't the issue, I was in an envelope of grief that he couldn't understand.
Went to bed and this morning I said I was going to my DDads this morning for a couple hours (he's my support bubble as he's on his own) , and that I would bring DD2 with me.
He starts being funny about not bringing DD2 , but by not bringing/caring for DD2 he can't do homeschool for DD1 , I said I don't care about fucking homeschool today don't effing do it. He was being funny so I said what is it you need to do so desperately today, he says that he just wants to go out for a run, I said I'll be back by midday you can do whatever you want in the afternoon. He got angry, and was a complete dick, so I just said give me a clear timeline of what YOU want to do today and I'll work around it, I went in the other room and was upset.he did come and apologise and said he was out of order. I left to go to my Dads with dd2.
Got home for dd2 nap and once DD2 woke I took the kids out for a walk and park for 2 hours and he basically slept all afternoon and now he's barely talking to me.
I don't know about you, but what kind of DH would act so coldly towards their DW who has just suffered a family loss ?
WIBU in going up there 3 times to see her/my DDad? I don't think I was, but "leaving" the DDs with him, has obviously caused a chemical imbalance in his head and he's become cabin fevered, and now being a prick?
AIBU?
AIBU to have left my kids with DH to see dying nan
Smidwifes · 26/02/2021 19:13
Am I being unreasonable?
1016 votes. Final results.
POLLYep, looking after small children can be claustrophobic and tiring. If he's only just discovering this then it seems like he can't be pulling his weight most of the time? He sounds like he just wants you to get over it so normal service can resume.
I'm sorry for your loss OP and that you're grieving without the support of your partner. I've lost three grandparents this year and it would have been much harder without DH's support. 
Looking after his own DC with a good grace is really the least he could have done.
I am so so sorry OP. I lost my nan who I was very close to in January and I couldn’t imagine a partner not being supportive. You don’t deserve how your DH has treated you and acted. He has no excuse for how he has acted. Asking him to look after his own children is not him doing you a favour it’s his job as a parent. Homeschooling could of been put on hold for a couple days, I’m sure if he had explained to the teacher they would of understood. I’m terms of his cabin fever I could of taken the DC out for a walk. I do think you need to have a proper talk with him in a week or so but deal with your grief first. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself and your dad. Xx
So sorry for your loss. I lost a family member recently, though there was a lot more running back and forth to hospital (over a few weeks), and due to distance the visits took half the day each time. DH looked after the DC, did home schooling, cooked meals etc. He's no Saint, that's just the least anyone would do in the situation. I'm sorry your H (can't put a 'D' on him, sorry!) Is so selfish that he puts sleeping and running ahead of your needs at a time like this. When you feel stronger, take the time to assess if he's still want in life.. you deserve much more
Yanbu
I'm shocked at his nasty behaviour - why couldn't he fix dinner or go for his run first thing in the morning or after you got gone? Ffs If the tables were turned, I bet he wouldn't be tiptoeing around your anger.
I'm very sorry for yourself loss 
@ExtraordinaryQuince
Natural deviation, trolls, pissed up MNers...
@ExtraordinaryQuince
Men??? Who think childcare is a woman's job, whatever the circumstances??
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