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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my job over this

44 replies

Sivill · 26/02/2021 19:13

Someone close to me has consistently copied my career decisions. We both worked in the same profession, I decided to move into a particular field within the profession. She followed. Twice. I didn’t complain, it’s a large profession with plenty of job opportunities, we rarely worked together in the 10 years I was in that profession.

More recently I decided to change careers altogether - again she decided to do the same. Long story short we both applied for the same job - I was ok with this as it was a large recruitment round so there were about 15 vacancies for the same role. My interview was first and she asked me to tell her the questions - she’s someone I’m very close to, she had been applying for jobs for some time and had not even got an interview until then - so I told her the questions. We both got the job, ever since then she has been unbearable. Regularly talking about how she scored 100% in the interview- well yes, because she had the questions in advance and hired a coach to give her the answers.

The organisation we applied for is huge (think thousands of employees) with many departments, I never expected they would place us in the same team, unfortunately they have. On my first day she was incredibly rude to me, she had a differing opinion to mine and decided to talk over me to tell me about an error our team had made - she was unwilling to let it go and it was really awkward trying to end the conversation. She apologised by text afterwards but it’s really blighted my first week in the job, to the point I am really considering finding another job. We haven’t really spoken since, but have to see each other 4-5 times a day on teams meetings - it’s becoming really stressful. She’s also super keen, and quite frankly I’m getting tired of her know it all behaviour. I know it’s unreasonable to leave a job after 1 week, I just feel so upset that I’ve let this ruin my experience.

OP posts:
MaybeMaybeNotJ · 26/02/2021 19:17

Only you know if this will make you miserable permanently. If you find another job you’d be happy with then yes why not leave? If you don’t have another job then I’d stick it out.

Cherrysoup · 26/02/2021 19:20

Can you be transferred to a different team? Have you responded to her text? I think I’d be tempted to remind her she had the questions in advance, plus a coach, so she ought to keep her mouth shut, frankly.

Sivill · 26/02/2021 19:20

@MaybeMaybeNotJ I don’t have another job, and I wouldn’t leave without having one to go to.

OP posts:
Sivill · 26/02/2021 19:22

@Cherrysoup I couldn’t bring myself to respond to the text. I think asking for a transfer is a possibility- I know they placed us in the same team as we both have a certain skill set from our professional training that would be useful in this team.

OP posts:
Changeismyname · 26/02/2021 19:24

She sounds like the type who won’t just be annoying you. If you bide your time you might find she’s managed out, or at least away from your team and shunted around the company until she gets the message (if she even passes probation...)

fabulousspider · 26/02/2021 19:24

yes leave, once you've found a new job and don't tell her where you're going!!

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2021 19:28

If you don’t want her to follow you why do you keep helping her/informing her of your job decisions?

Sivill · 26/02/2021 19:34

@DartmoorDoughnut this person is very close tool me and it would be impossible for her to not know about my career decisions, but I accept we should not have applied for the same role and I shouldn’t have told her the questions.

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 26/02/2021 19:36

Well, lesson learned for the future re telling folk interview questions!! I'd ask for a transfer, or maybe just hold fire for a bit , she sounds like the type that won't last long

Userg1234 · 26/02/2021 19:38

I would jump and get another job. But dont, at all, under any circumstances tell her. When you leave say you are taking a sabbatical.

Who boasts about interview results when they know they cheated. Also who, in their first week, make a huge thing about other people errors.

She is going to be a nightmare to work with

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2021 19:41

Who is she? Sister? Why do they need to know about your life and career in so much detail?

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/02/2021 19:42

I wonder why you are so close to someone so unbearable! She sounds awful.
If you otherwise think the job will work out for you long-term I would hang on for a couple of months and see how things go. She might get moved elsewhere etc.

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2021 19:42

You sound very passive - she’ll just carry on if you don’t assert yourself and put a stop to it.

Pumpkinandseeds · 26/02/2021 19:46

I would hold out and see how the next few weeks are. See what she is like with the rest of the team and managers - if she acts the same with them maybe she'll fail her probation

BeardieWeirdie · 26/02/2021 20:37

If you do leave (which you shouldn’t), I would NEVER tell her anything about your next job. It doesn’t matter if she’s your sister or best friend. Don’t tell anyone else either if it will get back to her - invent a fake job! - and if she wants to know why, be honest and say you can’t put up with her stalking your career and trying to live your life for a minute longer. Tough shit if that causes a rift.

MrsRockAndRoll · 26/02/2021 20:50

@BeardieWeirdie

If you do leave (which you shouldn’t), I would NEVER tell her anything about your next job. It doesn’t matter if she’s your sister or best friend. Don’t tell anyone else either if it will get back to her - invent a fake job! - and if she wants to know why, be honest and say you can’t put up with her stalking your career and trying to live your life for a minute longer. Tough shit if that causes a rift.
This
FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 26/02/2021 20:52

I think you're jumping the gun a bit. You're both new. You knew and liked her well enough to give her all the details. And a week in you're that sick of her you want to leave? That's quite a bit swing in opinion. Surely you stick it out a bit, as it's a massive company there is bound to be plenty of opportunity for a sideways move at least away from her

BanginChoons · 26/02/2021 20:53

Don't leave. Speak to your manager and tell them that working in such a close team with your sister isn't working out for you. I'm such a big company there must be the option to move you (Or her) elsewhere.

Lemonlemon88 · 26/02/2021 20:58

If you are that close family members, I'm surprised they placed you on the same team. I think you would have a pretty convincing argument to moved into another team, do they not know you are related?

Jackie2022 · 26/02/2021 20:59

If it’s NHS, you were unprofessional by telling her the questions and presumably the answers. She may not have been suitable for the role but sailed right in due to you. You created this monster.

Look, the original is always better than the imitation. I’m sure wherever you move to, whatever you chose to do, you’ll excel! She won’t because she rides off your coattails and can’t do things for herself. She’ll be lost without you. Keep your next move secret going forward.

Frankly I would reply to her text and call her out - say that you were quite shocked at her outburst and she needs to ensure it will never happen again. You should start creating a diary/log in case she continues with this behaviour. You may have to involve HR at some point.

Jackie2022 · 26/02/2021 21:02

Also don’t be afraid of creating a rift between you - she did so, not you. You can’t allow this behaviour to continue. If she won’t change, you have no choice but to distance yourself from her

BloggersBlog · 26/02/2021 21:04

More fool you for telling her the questions.
She hasn't hidden what she's like for a decade if this is true so you have only yourself to blame.
Move jobs, or don't, but learn from this for goodness sake

Ch3rish · 26/02/2021 21:10

How would she have to know if you applied for another job? If you don't tell her how would she find out?

buckeejit · 26/02/2021 21:18

Do not leave but distance yourself. She will not be on your team forever. It's harder because you're close to her but if that has to continue, then I think you should make a rule not to talk about work outside it.

Her behaviour is hardly all coincidental, although some may be. Try to think of it as character building. Your team will see the tension, show that you can deal with it. She seems to like the drama & doesn't respect you. Good luck.

RedHelenB · 26/02/2021 21:18

Yabu telling her the interview questions.