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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shouting at my 8 year old in public

31 replies

Bobbletwist · 26/02/2021 18:51

On a walk with DS today and his younger brother. DS repeatedly tried to trip his younger brother over, this is after other mean behaviour throughout the day. In the middle of a busy path I snapped and really shouted at him. We aren't normally a shouty family. Not at all.

He burst into tears and asked me why I was being so harsh and to get away from him. Lots of onlookers. Just feel really awful for losing my temper really.

OP posts:

mbosnz · 26/02/2021 18:53

Well he's a little bit Hollywood, isn't he? He was repeatedly bullying his little brother, you'd tried the softly softly approach, and he literally got called out on his behaviour?

Why were you being so harsh? Because he was constantly being mean to his little brother despite being told to cease and desist.

Sally872 · 26/02/2021 18:56

Most people will understand. I don't know a single parent who has never snapped and shouted at their children. Picking on sibling is a very good reason.

I wouldn't be judging you I would be sympathising if I saw you.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 26/02/2021 18:56

Don't feel bad. You should have said "and end scene" and carried on walking after his outburst! 8 is old enough to know you're gonna get told off for repeatedly doing something stupid.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/02/2021 18:58

Any sensible person knows that these things happen. Deliberate mean behaviour is something worth snapping over.

BoyTree · 26/02/2021 19:01

I have tried to impress on my kids that when they deliberately annoy one another, they are also choosing to annoy me. That way the protagonist is at least never surprised when I reach the end of my tether!

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2021 19:02

It's good that he burst into tears!

Well at least it's better than his younger brother falling flat on his face

mbosnz · 26/02/2021 19:11

I'd be thinking 'good on you' for sure.

I'm sick to the back teeth with the whiny 'daaaahling, Mummy said don't do that, ooooh, you've made Mummy sad, and your poor wee bruvver is now needing twelve stitches'. . . brigade.

Original poster

Bobbletwist · 26/02/2021 19:23

Yes he is very "Hollywood" when he feels he's been wronged. I felt caught between sheer embarrassment at his reaction and all the people gawping and upset with my own reaction to him.

OP posts:

mineofuselessinformation · 26/02/2021 19:25

I don't think you did anything wrong.
Every parent has their limit, and he pushed you to yours.
I dare say some of those looks were of sympathy!
He may well think twice about his behaviour now.

Blacktothepink · 26/02/2021 19:27

I have more respect for parents who I see correcting behaviour in public than the ones ignoring it.

heart80s · 26/02/2021 19:28

I told my three of a couple of times today for messing around and I raised my voice people don't but I didn't give a shit only telling my own children off for being naughty.

Griselda1 · 26/02/2021 19:29

Deliberately tripping his brother is dangerous, you were right to call him out but obviously felt you were out of control so it's obviously something you can work on. He was probably embarrassed and that's no bad thing.

mbosnz · 26/02/2021 19:30

I was on the equivalent of the Board of Governors for a primary school. The headmaster/principal said to me that with every case of bullying, without exception, both parties would claim (and believe) that they were the victim.

Sorry OP, we're not Solomon, so we just gotta fake it until we make it - and never allow your children to make you feel embarrassed for enforcing acceptable behaviour in public. I have done many a cold naughty corner in a shopping mall. . .

TH22 · 26/02/2021 19:30

@Blacktothepink

I have more respect for parents who I see correcting behaviour in public than the ones ignoring it.

This!

Snowpatrolling · 26/02/2021 19:30

I shouted at my 13 year old dd in Tesco a while back.
The way she was speaking to me was disgusting, and I had been dealing with it all day.
The looks I got! On lady tutted, I was like so you think it’s ok for her to speak to me like shit? I bet you complain about unruly children, I’m trying to teach mine respect.” Her husband winked at me! Lol!

JesusAteMyHamster · 26/02/2021 19:39

The onlookers were probably just relieved it wasn't their kids being arseholes that day........other than working on your son's attitude towards bullying his sibling I honestly wouldn't give this anymore headspace.

lunarlife · 26/02/2021 19:44

I'm always just grateful it isn't my dc being pains OP.
Don't stress about it.

partyatthepalace · 26/02/2021 19:45

@Blacktothepink

I have more respect for parents who I see correcting behaviour in public than the ones ignoring it.

Yes this. And it sounds like he needs to learn that creating a scene when he’s called out isn’t going to work. If he keeps bullying his brother he is presumably going to be properly punished so he’s lucky he got a warning -

BogRollBOGOF · 26/02/2021 19:46

@JesusAteMyHamster

I always find it refreshing when another parent gets cross with their children. Makes a nice change.

There's a big difference between a cross parent putting a child straight and abusive ranty parent, swearing and getting personal with the child.

Treacletreacle · 26/02/2021 19:47

It makes no difference to me if I'm out in public and my children are being naughty. They get told off in the moment. I don't care if I have an audience and anyone hears me. It's much better than the "wait until you get home" my mother used to say to us. At least they understand why they are being told off. I can't stand listening to parents being all sweet begging their children to not do something. Your in charge and sometimes they just need reminding.

MushMonster · 26/02/2021 19:50

You have to hit ir in the nail with the victim playing in public. That is a really bad behaviour, and an attitude that will never take him far in life, at all.
He knows what he has done, he knows he deserved it, and to top it up, he thinks he can manipulate you into being soft with him.
I would add a serious punishment to the public shouting, as for not being accountable for his behaviour, at 8 years old he surely can and should. He should be apologising to you and his brother pronto.

itsgettingwierd · 26/02/2021 19:51

Well hopefully you've shocked him into deciding bullying his little brother isn't the fun pastime he seems to think it is.

Don't worry about an audience. You will always have people look if something happens.

You did the right thing. Who cares what others were thinking?

Sceptre86 · 26/02/2021 19:52

Quite frankly his behaviour warranted it by feeling guilty you are undermining yourself and flipping the situation onto you, when actually it was his bad behaviour that was the cause for concern. Tripping up his brother on purpose is malicious and he deserved a good telling off, the other people were probably wondering why you hadn't shouted sooner. Tbh who cares what they think?

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2021 19:52

Your 8 year old sounds like he’s not used to being corrected.
His behaviour wasn’t very nice. I’m guessing you’d told him to stop before and he’d ignored it. So you were firm. He massively over reacted which leads me to think he gets away with a lot.

You can be firm without being harsh. My 8 year old is an utter handful but being mean to his younger brother is absolutely not allowed under any circumstances.

Youseethethingis · 26/02/2021 19:54

Meh if a bit of public humiliation is what it takes to shock him into not being a shit to his brother then that’s what he’s going to have to get.

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