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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask: what if men could also get pregnant?

41 replies

ThisIsClare · 26/02/2021 12:44

Saw this question on another site and wondered what, indeed, would have happened, or, rather, how society and men's and women's roles within it would have evolved, had men also been able to get pregnant.

What if both men and women could bear a child, but(and this is quite important to this question) it were down to fate who got pregnant every time? What would society look like today?

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 26/02/2021 12:48

There would be a lot of only children

FoxyTheFox · 26/02/2021 12:52

Abortion would be fully decriminalised and freely available without judgement or restriction, ditto contraception. Maternity services wouldn't be chronically underfunded, pregnant people wouldn't be infantilised and overruled in decision making like women are at present. Maternity leave, childcare, and family responsibilities wouldn't hamper your career.

Thelnebriati · 26/02/2021 12:54

There would never have been a tampon tax.
There would be safe, effective contraception.
Maternity leave would be for the birthing parent, and parental leave for the non birthing parent.
Pain relief would be standard in childbirth.
There would be free to access childcare for every child.
Single men would be able to adopt, or commission a surrogate man who would be paid for the risk and his labour.

There would probably still be inequality but it wouldn't be sex based.

turnthebiglightoff · 26/02/2021 12:55

You'd be treated humanely in hospitals. On the antenatal ward I asked for water at 2am the night I'd had my baby. I was attached to a drip and had to leave my newborn baby alone to go and get some. Behind me on the same mission was a lady who passed out - she needed water too and had had a c section hours before. The non medical worker on the ward desk said it wasn't her job to fetch water. If men had babies, there would be bottles of San Pelligrino in each room, I should imagine!!

SquishySquirmy · 26/02/2021 12:55

In that scenario, would there still be men and women? If there were still 2 groups, (producing different gametes, but it was chance where the fertilised egg ended up) then would there be no difference in height and strength etc between males and females? It would make sense that you wouldn't get as much of a difference in height and strength because we wouldn't have evolved in the same way.
Presumably we would still be able to tell the difference between male and female though? Because in order to procreate, you'd need a pair of opposites.

But I suppose society would have developed much more equally (at least in terms of sex).

Capital76 · 26/02/2021 12:58

Playing field at work would be evened out,
My male colleagues would have as much chance as me as getting pregnant if having sex so this wouldnt be a prejudice factor when considering my credentials as a candidate for progression

Contraception would probably be less intrusive or mood altering (for some)

Childcare wouldn't automatically be mums role

Better equality overall I believe

honeylulu · 26/02/2021 12:58

Well there wouldn't really be men and women would there, just one sex. It would be interesting to see the impact of a social divide between the parents and non parents though.

tofuschnitzel · 26/02/2021 13:00

I think the birth rate would drop. So often you see men refusing to take on any of the childrearing responsibilities because their jobs are oh-so-important that they couldn't possibly muck in. I can't see that attitude changing if men were able to give birth. It would be nice to think that there would be less wage inequality between men and women, but again, I can't see that happening.

0blio · 26/02/2021 13:05

This is quite a sad thread.
My first thought was that there would be very effective pain relief in labour, in fact general anaesthesia would probably be used routinely, not a suggestion to take a paracetamol and have a bath

SqeakyHindge · 26/02/2021 13:06

Abortion legalised without any debate
Maternity care - would be out of this world
Pain relief Automatically given
Free maternity pads clothes etc

Am going to stop this list is making me feel crap. The world would be very different

JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 26/02/2021 13:07

I think there’d be fewer children.

Sunshinesky1981 · 26/02/2021 13:08

The main one for me would be A complete overhaul in law that stopped the non resident parent being able to just walk away without paying a penny towards their child.

Can you imagine a world where it is a common occurance for a man to have to chase his ex for financial support after being left holding the baby. Where it takes months and years for csa claims to be processed just then for a woman to be able to decide to either stop working or go self employed so she can fudge her earnings to avoid paying? Yeah I think those loopholes would be closed pretty quickly if it affected the same amount of men as it does women .

wizzbangfizz · 26/02/2021 13:11

I was talking about this with someone the other day and one of the things that came up was that if men had babies there would be no use of barbaric forceps leaving women with life long conditions which are treated ineffectively.

Whatsthiss · 26/02/2021 13:12

I suspect incidences of sexual assault would also drop.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 26/02/2021 13:13

I'd bet good money that women would still shoulder the majority of pregnancies/births.

Division of household chores and childcare even in Western countries are still carried out mainly by women despite us supposedly having equality.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 26/02/2021 13:15

@Sunshinesky1981

The main one for me would be A complete overhaul in law that stopped the non resident parent being able to just walk away without paying a penny towards their child. Can you imagine a world where it is a common occurance for a man to have to chase his ex for financial support after being left holding the baby. Where it takes months and years for csa claims to be processed just then for a woman to be able to decide to either stop working or go self employed so she can fudge her earnings to avoid paying? Yeah I think those loopholes would be closed pretty quickly if it affected the same amount of men as it does women .

^^Definitely this!!

And agree with PPs re: better childbith care.

Janegrey333 · 26/02/2021 13:15

Some would rush in to say they already can. 🙄

BabblativeBean · 26/02/2021 13:17

If men had evolved to bear children, I suspect that women would have been done away with long ago.

Okbussitout · 26/02/2021 13:19

I have always sai that I think it is the having of babies and all that means for women that makes us the women. I don't believe yiu have to have children to be a woman I don't have them what I mean is being the sex who have the babies makes us the sex who are discriminated against. Beingseen as weaker, too emotional, less capable all stems from being the people who have the babies. Even if all of us do not actually have babies.

If both men and women had babies I thing there would be more support for maternity and parenting. But I think if men were just the ones and women did not have babies we would be the more powerful sex. I'm not sure we would use it how men do so an opposite version of the patriarchy. I'd like to think not!

Littlefiendsusan · 26/02/2021 13:20

I suspect the children born from males would be considered superior to those born from women.

PearlescentIridescent · 26/02/2021 13:21

My first thought was also pain relief and care in labour and after!

I just don't know. It's too hard to draw a comparison but I do think if men were the same in every other aspect then yes, I think they would just make it way easier to have consequence free sex!

BrilliantBetty · 26/02/2021 13:24

You wouldn't have major abdominal surgery (csection) and be treated like it was a little minor whoopsie doopsie thing and be told to leave -ideally walk- out the hospital a day or two later and it be assumed you'd just carry on with all your normal duties right away. You'd be given a chance to physically recover and a bit of respect.

FrangipaniBlue · 26/02/2021 13:25

Another vote for lower birth rates.

I'm not convinced how much of the other things people have suggested would actually happen, because the kind of men who would be happy to carry the child are probably also the men advocating that stuff now.

The men "blocking" it are the ones who would just refuse to have children, thus the lower birth rates.

The things I could see changing are pre pregnancy/pre birth things such as access to contraceptives and abortion.

Post birth would be no different.

FrangipaniBlue · 26/02/2021 13:26

@Littlefiendsusan

I suspect the children born from males would be considered superior to those born from women.

Also this!

It would be like a version of Sparta!

Happycat1212 · 26/02/2021 13:27

I think some of these comments are crazy, if men could be pregnant as well trust me I don’t think the vast majority would be going through with it, most would have an abortion. I remember when I was pregnant my ex told me to have an abortion and referred to it as “just taking a pill” most men seem to think abortions aren’t a big deal from my experience. I think there would be far less stigma around it.

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