Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers day.. AIBU?

17 replies

Choppity88 · 25/02/2021 20:37

I should probably post this in legal but I just wanted some perspective.
My daughter is currently having interim supervised contact in a contact centre with her Father once a fortnight. This is due to the severe domestic abuse we encountered. We're currently going through children's proceedings. Anyway, I made an early request to the contact centre to inform him that we wouldn't be available to come on Mother's day as we have plans.. And quite frankly.. That man ruined every single mothers day and special occasion whilst we were together I'm damned if I'm making the journey that takes me hours and sitting in a contact centre on Mother's day. I mentioned I could either make DD available on the Saturday or I would be willing to take a day off during the week and take DD out of nursery for the day to make her available for contact..
He's being a total arehole and refusing to budge and saying that the contact unfortunately falls on that weekend so it must go Ahead. I spoke to the contact centre and said I'm willing to take a day off work and he is the one who seeks contact so therefore should make the same if not more effort.
For background.. There is no reason whatsoever why he can't make the Saturday.. He's just being a prck.
What can I do? I was taking DD to mass on Mother's day in memory of my mother and also having lunch with family.
My solicitor has said not to worry because its not like I've said no I'm not going and not offered alternatives...he's just being unreasonable.
What else can I do? Am I be unreasonable?

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 25/02/2021 20:40

I’d probably have Mother’s Day on the Saturday instead if he won’t budge.

Wearywithteens · 25/02/2021 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Hahaha88 · 25/02/2021 20:43

I'd just take her and celebrate it another day, it's an arbitrary date, no reason you have to celebrate it then. It's shitty he's controlling you like that but I'd rather not rock the boat whilst proceedings are going on for a made up day.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 25/02/2021 20:44

I had years of this with a friend and her ex who consistently played games with each other over ‘special’ days.

It’s just a day.

Lizadork · 25/02/2021 20:45

Use another day for mother's day.

Original poster
Choppity88 · 25/02/2021 20:47

No I know its just a day. But it's just controlling bullshit on purpose.
My Solicitor said that there are always parents who can't make certain dates etc but they offer alternatives and that's what I've done. It's not so much its just the day.. It's the fact of what it means to me. I've spent all Mother's day with him in tears.. My mother never met my daughter and I want to celebrate her and go to Mass and have dinner with my family.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 25/02/2021 20:52

I guess you can't just swap days as the mass/family lunch will be on the Sunday. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all but it's probably not worth making into a big issue if he totally kicks off. You know he's a prick, you know he's always probably going to be a prick so I'd go with what your solicitor says and see what happens.xxx

Original poster
Choppity88 · 25/02/2021 20:59

Well, I was always told the court would be interested to see if you've made the effort to make up the missed day etc.
It's just him being vindictive that's what it is.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2021 21:07

So what happens of you don't turn up in the Sunday op?

ClarkeGriffin · 25/02/2021 22:28

Follow what your solicitor says. They know the law better than people on here. They say you aren't being unreasonable, if they say go ahead and ignore the twat, do it. His fault.

mainsfed · 25/02/2021 22:33

Can you call in sick that day?

FunTimes2020 · 25/02/2021 23:23

@mainsfed

Can you call in sick that day?
I came on to say similar. Why should OP have mother's day spoilt by such a horrible excuse of a person. What a shame, your DC has D&V so you can't come...
ImFree2doasiwant · 25/02/2021 23:26

Honestly, I'd just go as usual and do mothers day on Saturday. I haven't had a mother's day with my youngest (4) at all. My 2 DC see their dad Sundays.

Stoppissingonmyheather · 25/02/2021 23:43

Your solicitor says he's a prick so I would go with that tbh. There will be dates you can't make surely the courts know this. I am sure it will be fine but if not say you are going and then child gets a sick bug on mother's day oh dear what a shame nothing you can do about it. Hope you have a lovely mother's day Flowers

Forfolkssake · 25/02/2021 23:47

Of course you could move the day; but why should you have to??? It's just another Mother's Day he's going to have control over you. It's not fair. He couldn't care less about anything but being awkward. YANBU.

Trickyboy · 25/02/2021 23:53

Can't believe people are saying 'move the day' !! Why the fuck should you be the one doing the compromising . This would be a no from me. I would be making it very clear that I am available to bring the child in Saturday. That I have a prior engagement on Sunday. Take it or leave it.

Listen to your solicitor. Do not be dictated to by an aresehole. YOU are in the driving seat. Stick to your guns.
Why people insist on falling over themselves for abusive arses is beyond me.

Lollypop4 · 26/02/2021 00:02

Go with the saturday , Dont take a day off.
If he carries on being awkward then sadly, you are unwell on Sunday, unable to travel.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread