To quit my job?

[GrandGestures]

I'll try and keep this brief. Single mum to two dc with SN. A history of severe depression and panic attacks which I'm medicated for, going back to my teens, now mid 30's.

I hated my job pre covid but the stress of home-schooling, covid and working from home has amplified this. My employer is a small family run company, I am the only employee outside the family. The owner is racist, homophobic, disablist, rather sleazy and never wrong. The family dynamic creates a constant bad atmosphere with shouting, aggression and silent treatment over the smallest thing. Which is then taken out on me. When relationships are good, the 'jokes' are vile and still I'm walking on eggshells for the next blow up.

I have been asked to return to the office full time on March 1st, mentally I feel broken by this. Of course I have been applying for other opportunities but no such luck!

If I resign, I'll have around 20k in savings to live on (future house deposit) as I'll lose my salary and tax credits completely. Am I mad to consider this??

I'd find another job before leaving op.

I'm really sorry to hear this is happening to you. It's clearly not a nice environment and is having a detrimental effect on your health. It might be a long shot but if you're wanting to leave anyway you could raise a grievance based on their treatment of you which could be considered bullying as it stopped you from taking the necessary steps to take time off for your mental health. I'd recommend a conversation with ACAS to determine if there's anything they could recommend. I hope things get better soon for you.

I think it would be wiser to stick it out and keep on searching in the meantime. It would be a shame to burn through your house deposit savings.

I think everyone finds going back to the office quite daunting, but presumably you managed it at one point and you will adapt again.

How long have you worked there, would there be any redundancy payment if they wrapped up your role?

Sounds rather like your employer could do with a lesson on two in employment law, OP. Starting with you speaking to an employment solicitor to find out whether you have a case for constructive dismissal. Telling you 'the door's that way' when you've been signed off by a doctor amounts to bullying and harassment in the workplace - much less when you consider all the other things your boss seems to feel are perfectly fine to display in the workplace (homophobia, sexism et al).

The problem, here, is not you; it's employers who make their employees lives miserable - they need calling to account for it. You could also find support and advocacy to help you through the process. I wish you luck (your story has resonated with me as I once worked for someone who sounds very similar to your employer).

Your saving should last you a year as long a you’re careful.
I would quit. I’ve been in your position and was out of work for three months. Ultimately ny mental health did better looking for work without the stress of the job I was doing. Completely worth it in my eyes.

I think you should pay attention to the warning signs towards mental breakdown.

Better to live on savings for a bit than be in a psychiatric facility for a while.

Your mental health should improve when you don't have to spend all that energy on awful employers.

Are either of your children eligible for DLA? If so, and one of them receives middle rate care, you can also claim Carer's Allowance, and that passports to various UC features, including not having to seek work.

You don't need a diagnosis to claim DLA.

@chillied

I think you should pay attention to the warning signs towards mental breakdown.

Better to live on savings for a bit than be in a psychiatric facility for a while.

Your mental health should improve when you don't have to spend all that energy on awful employers.

That’s a solid concern I have. My last breakdown left me suicidal and unable to leave the house or even open the curtains for years. Medication and therapy saved my life but I know when I’m cracking. Stronger medication might get me through a little longer.

One of my dc do receive DLA, I could apply for carers allowance but not UC as I have savings.

Are you already receiving tax credits? If you are I’m sure you can stay on them and just make a claim for carers allowance.

Very wise words from dontdisturbmenow
Detach, do what you need to do to get through
See your Dr and get signed off if that's what they suggest
I wish you luck in whatever you decide

sorry op sounds so tough. I would hate to see you spend your precious savings BUT it seems like you are heading towards a crisis mentally.
So take it a step at a time. If you really cannot cope going back then can you reduce your days in the office and work more from home?
If that's not possible go back to the doctor and get another note.
If they fire you, what would you be entitle to as you were let go rather than resigned?
Keep looking for something else.
But overall, if you need to spend the savings to ensure you don't have a breakdown then that's what you do. You can't be left feeling suicidal with two young dc. X

Please join a union. Your employer is treating you appallingly.

www.tuc.org.uk/joinunion

Yes - you are saving for a house, you need to take a long term grown up view.

Job hunt as hard as you can, but sit tight till you have something else - you have to protect your and your children’s future.

Sorry OP, I just read your update - it is not worth a breakdown. However could you go part time or get a month signed off to job hunt like crazy? I really see your dilemma but obviously burning through the savings you’ve worked so hard to build won’t do your head much good either.

I would get my ducks in a row.
Join a union. Then if there is a problem you have some help.

Go to the gp. Get stronger medication if that is what they suggest. I know there’s probably a big wait for therapy but would you consider going private and use some savings for that.
Start applying for other jobs. Investigate what your position would be if you quit so you are fully informed. Could temp work through an agency be an option for you? Might mean you could afford to quit but have an income while looking for permanent work.
Look at getting signed off. Raise with the union that you are worried about how your employer will take it and get their advice.

Best wishes.

You shouldn’t work when signed off, you arnt insured because a doctor deemed it unsafe

I agree you should to know your rights