To be upset on Dh's behalf

[Teapotsandtablecloths]

My DH had a bit of a rough upbringing, his mum was an alcoholic who unfortunately died due to this. His dad worked abroad and took DH's brother with him and left my DH to care for his mum as a young child. Eventually they all moved abroad together and thats where she passed. Dh's father blamed him for having not policed his mums drinking (he was a young teen at the time) and the relationship has been fractured since then.

Now the reason I'm upset is FIL still lives abroad. Other side of the world from us so the only contact is via social media and is almost nil anyway. But, the reason I'm upset for DH is that his dad keeps deleting all forms of social media for months on end to protest against Mark Zuckerberg lol. Cutting all contact completely. It bothers DH because it means his dad shows no interest in him or what hes doing and isn't around if DH needs to speak to him as he deletes whatsapp too. It infuriates me that he prioritises his war against Facebook over and above having contact with his son.

I'm prepared for you to flame me as its nothing to do with me ultimately i guess. I'm just sad for DH.

Believe it or not his dad doesn't provide his number as he doesn't see why we would need it as we don't live in the same place. Yep. He's that kinda person.

How have they use whatsap then?

@jaffar

Believe it or not his dad doesn't provide his number as he doesn't see why we would need it as we don't live in the same place. Yep. He's that kinda person.

How have they use whatsap then?

He uses whatsapp with other people. It was just one of the channels he announced to us he was going to be deleting.

Can’t believe one of the really unkind comments!

Your poor husband, and you. I was raised by alcoholic parents, and both passed away. I’m in therapy to try and work through the issues I have with anxiety (totally common with a child who’s had to forecast moments of abuse, violence and aggression). Unfortunately it sounds as if the father won’t ever be different. I think the important thing is for your lovely husband to accept that that’s because of his father’s issues and is no fault of your husband’s. Then if your family can show how loved and welcomed he is by your side perhaps that offers him comfort that he’s loved as a son anyway. It’s very difficult - schema therapy could help him.

Wishing you both all the best x

@Bluntness100

I’m sorry I don’t mean this harshly but your husband is a grown man and he needs to accept his father does not wish the type of relationship with him that your husband desires and has never wanted this.

He needs to take control and communicate on his terms ans seek therapy if he’s struggling.

Many people are no contact with a parent, and th other deceased, myself included, and you need to come to terms with it as an adult. Not continually look for something that is never going to be there and getting upset about it.

Bluntness, you're usually bang on but this is unecessary.