To be worried about school gossip?

[CruelleDeVile]

I’ve been friends with a lady I’ve known for around 6 years. We’re not best friends but we do go out for the occasional drink together (pre covid) around once each month and we get on well.

We became friends through a support group whilst my eldest DC was being assessed for ASD and her youngest DC was being assessed for ASD. My friend also has a DD the same age as my eldest. We met for the occasional play date with our eldest DC years ago but that fizzled out quickly.

We relied on each other for support throughout diagnosis and shared things about our DC. I was having a very hard time with my DC and we used each other as a sounding board . At the time it didn’t cross my mind that our DC would really meet again.

After speaking to my friend on the telephone last week, it transpires we’ve both applied for the same secondary school. I now have a horribly anxious feeling wondering if her DD knows things about my DC and might re-iterate personal things to them in school.

We would usually meet at a pub but on occasion, we’ve met at one of our houses with the DC upstairs . I’m usually quite guarded with others about my DC to protect their privacy but I’ve told this friend more things than anyone else as we were supporting each other.

I now feel awful that something might be said to my DC and they’ll be embarrassed or upset.

On the other hand , I know I would never reveal anything I had been told about anyone’s DC , it’s an unwritten rule . Unfortunately, I know not everyone thinks the same.

Am I overthinking this?

Bump

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily, it’s not like info re your child’s autism quirks is hot gossip

Yes you’re overthinking it.

Unless I’ve got it wrong - you’re worried that she may have gossiped to her own child about yours, and that this gossip might be passed round at school?

I'm usually very careful what I tell.my children about other people's children and hopefully she will have been too, especially if she was friendly and supportive at the time.

has she ever given you any indication she would do that?

@MustardMitt yes that’s it

I'm not sure what sort of things you.mean that might get passed round but I think it's unlikely. I find secondary school kids are more focussed on their interactions with each other at the school and aren't thinking about what their parents might have gossiped about

@Quartz2208 no she hasn’t.

I may be worrying as another child we know told my DC I told her mum lots of stuff about my DC ; it wasn’t true and it upset my DC at the time but I didn’t find out until months after. I’m still very cross about that!

You are overthinking. This is your friend, she wouldn't be your friend if she isn't nice.

She has a much better understanding of your circumstances than most people so likely to be even more respectful of privacy.

Even if she did mention it to her older child what would she say? Probably something kind or supportive. More likely nothing.

Don't worry about it.

Also, how big is the year group? They might not have much contact. They'll be busy settling in and getting to know new kids and staff and won't be thinking about this

I remember worrying lots before my kids went to secondary school about bullying and so on, but none of it happened. Actually primary school was a lot worse for that sort of thing

I have a ds with asd.

I think you're overthinking it.

You don't say if either got a diagnosis in the end?

But even if either or both did I would imagine a sister who lives with someone would be better able to be respectful of asd and less likely to gossip.

I also don't imagine she'd talk about your ds badly or have concerns she would unless she typically has form for this sort of behaviour anyway?

And I'll gently add. If your ds is quirky and does have asd once at secondary other kids do tend to notice more.
But the flip side and more positive side it with greater numbers of pupils (year groups are usually 150-250 compared to 30-90) there is more chance of meeting like minded pupils or more pupils who have asd.

My da settled more in secondary as more pupils with asd and quirky so he had a friendship group. Even more so now he's doing computing at college

I feel a bit better already; thanks for being kind

We’ve had an awful day today and I just don’t want to give my DC anything more to worry about .

Yes you are over thinking it.
She must be a nice person if you confided in her before. I honestly wouldn't worry. besides there is minimum contact no hanging around the school gates with parents of secondary school DC.

My da settled more in secondary as more pupils with asd and quirky so he had a friendship group
That is really positive. I hope DD meets like minded people when she starts September.
OP she is probably worried about the same thing, it might be nice to catch up.