To make a complaint to this dental practice

[Hamandcheeselife]

DS is 9, he has severe anxiety, sensory issues, asd, adhd, acid reflux, vitamin deficiencies and difficulty with food.

He’s had a filling before, which appeared and got big out of nowhere - three months since last appointment - even the dentist was surprised. She put him to 3 monthly appointments and fluoride treatments.

Then covid happened and he wasn’t seen for 8 months which led to an infection and from a severely decayed tooth. He was seen after this for treatment for it but was told they wouldn’t do anything due to covid.

I had to take him for an emergency appointment yesterday due to pain in it again. They put in a temporary filling this time.

What’s bothering me is that he was told off for having too much juice and sweets and not brushing enough. This is the third time he and I have had the same lecture for the same tooth.

AIBU or should we not have to deal with this (a) at all considering his issues and definetely (b) not continually for the same tooth that hasn’t been treated?

the dentist is doing their job and trying to prevent further pain for your child - why would you complain?

DD2 had fluoride damage to her teeth - we still got told to brush them better - yes occasionally it made me a bit mardy as it wasn't a cleaning issue but it wouldn't have occurred to me to complain.

But he only drinks sugar free squash and has been on the same packet of sweets for weeks. They don’t ask they just presume.

I thought you were going to say complain that no definitive treatment has been provided. That's what I'd be focusing on in your position. I'm assuming this is a baby tooth? In which case, recurrent infection requires extraction. What's happening about this? Sounds like he is pain recurrently too.

Aw I feel for you and your son. My daughter has had similar issues, caused by a number of health problems. We tried numerous local dentists, hoping to find one who truly understood the issues we were having - it’s extremely frustrating to just hear “brush and reduce sugar” when you are already doing that! I’m sure that advice is useful to some of their patients but it’s so demoralising when you’re already doing all of that.

I remember the sinking feeling when I’d spot another issue with one of her teeth or gums, knowing that we were being very thorough and yet all we could expect was a lecture and antibiotics.

Eventually, we got a referral to the dental hospital in the nearest city and I can’t tell you how different it is. They see my daughter regularly, have always been exceptionally well informed about how her health issues affect her teeth and they are always really positive about our efforts. They also see children with anxiety or autism and the whole place is really gentle. My daughter actually likes going now and I feel better because I know that the dentist understands our challenges and trusts us that we’re doing our best.

Maybe look into self-referring to your nearest dental hospital. I’m sorry though, I know how it feels!

I doubt he was actually ‘told off’

@Hamandcheeselife

But he only drinks sugar free squash and has been on the same packet of sweets for weeks. They don’t ask they just presume.

Eating sweets little but more often can damage teeth more than eating the whole packet at once after a meal and not again. They weren't presuming, the reality is most tooth decay is entirely avoidable. If a patient needs treatment it seems like a given that the dentist would reiterate how to prevent future problems, which comes down to the basics like no sugar and regular good brushing. You are being a bit sensitive here.

I do think dentists can be very presumptuous and judgemental. Do make sure they know about your son's conditions. The dentist should realise, giving him stress around dentistry isn't going to help anyone.

At the same time, if there's anything you can do to slow the damage, it's worth it... if only so your son can avoid stressful painful treatments.

My kids dentist app was due in April 2020 so they hadn't been there since 6 months before. We went last week and their teeth are perfect. Unlike me may I add.

My kids have sweets and fizzy drinks. I think it's the luck of the draw sometimes. They are teens and never had anything wrong.

I think a lot of dentists these days are really quite judgemental and seem to think it's always the persons fault. When we took my youngest to the dentist and he needed a filling the dentist was so rude! Really patronising and said he was to have no sweets at all and not squash to drink not even sugar free he was only to drink water and to brush better. He was upset after thinking he was in the wrong and felt he was being punished because he thought he could never have sweets or any flavoured drink again! Next time we went he had a couple of bad teeth and we had found out that we have a health condition that can cause dental problems so we went with a printout about his condition just to put on file or whatever or to talk through with them so they would know that the condition was why his teeth were so bad and had quickly got worse. The dentist took the printout and put it in the side didn't bother to look at it and didn't mention anything to do with it again and just started on about how he MUST NOT have squash etc and must brush his teeth properly and that now he would have to have dental surgery to remove said teeth because he hasn't done what they told him to- basically saying it was all his fault. Yeah not going back there again! He ended up having a couple of teeth removed at hospital and he was really brave, we do have to be really careful with his teeth care now but blaming a poor kid when they've got a condition that contributed a lot to the problem is really not on is it? I found myself a lovely dentist as I had a problem with a lot of my teeth suddenly getting bad and the same dentist as my son went to literally shouted at me! I was so upset and I suffer anxiety anyway, I was never going back to be treated like that! My new dentist (actually my old dentist- we moved nearly an hour away but we went back because he's nice!) he's really understanding and has another patient with same condition and understands that it really isn't our fault and just does what he has to do with no judging and he's actually careful not to hurt whenever he can also which I find to be lacking in a lot of dentists (could be just the ones I've met tho)
I think YANBU because I don't think they should ever judge no matter how many times they may be right, they aren't always and so should remain impartial and kind especially when it involves kids. Even if they are right I don't think they should belittle like some do. It's easy enough to be kind and still get the right message across. I wouldn't necessarily complain tho I think I'd say something to the dentist that you feel it's not helpful to keep saying and assuming the same things and that you find it quite rude to assume they don't do what's been advised. If they get funny about it or just continue anyway then rather than complain I would probably just find somewhere else to go to and when you do make sure they know right away that you've been doing everything you possibly can to prevent any more damage. Sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to say hi

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to be treated kindly and to want them to listen when you say you've already taken the advice but still having problems.

@WitchyBitch If the teeth are hypoplastic/hypomineralised this is visible.

If your DS does have a condition which affects his enamel then that's even more reason why he needs to be careful with sugar and oral hygiene. At 9 the dentist won't be blaming your DS.

Poor oral hygiene is obvious, most of the time there will be visible plaque, calculus, gum inflammation. Its not just based on one decayed tooth

You can complain OP but the dentist is just doing his job, abscesses can be life threatening and even loss of baby teeth can affect them for life.

All tooth decay is preventable. You do not get decay in the absence of plaque and sugar. The dentist is trying to prevent future problems for your child, like pain and swelling, potential hospitalisation or a GA for dental extractions

No one likes to be told that their decay was preventable. But equally you can't just beat around the bush, or pretend that you can't see plaque on a child's teeth. That would be negligence. If you are confident you are doing everything you can then surely you just ignore the dentists