‘Noisy’ son on Xbox in the evenings

[MrsRLH75]

Ok, this is probably one of the most petty posts you will read but here we go.

DS, 16, has Xbox in his room. Goes on it in the evenings, on his headset, talking to his mates. In the (recent) past there has been shouting but we asked him to stop and he did. Our bedroom is next to his. We go to bed quite early (10.30 ish) and DS is still on his Xbox. DS talks as quietly as he can after this, as asked, and I barely hear him. Occasionally I hear like a distance rumble of his deep voice, a bit like if someone had a tv on downstairs and you got the odd rumble but that’s it. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve asked him to STFU after we’ve gone to bed and he has. If he spoke any quieter, he says, his mates wouldn’t be able to hear him.

However, this is causing major grief as my DH (DS’s step dad of 10+ years) apparently has SUPER sensitive hearing and is insisting that DS gets off the Xbox when we go to bed. Last night DH could hear DS on the Xbox (I genuinely couldn’t apart from the odd tiny hint of a spoken word) and DH huffed off downstairs to sleep and is in a mood today. He is a regular user of ear plugs as apparently I snore and I’ve asked why he can’t just pop them in any everyone’s happy. But no, not fair for him to have to do this apparently.

We all genuinely rumble along very nicely but this is causing so much tension and as usual I feel stuck in the middle. I know it’s quite late to be on the Xbox but, bloody hell, it’s all he’s got at the moment and late evening is when his mates tend to gather on the things and play/chat. They’re nearly 17, a year away from being adults, and he literally gives us no trouble, does all his school work etc, helps with his younger siblings etc... I mean if he was walking the streets at night swigging beer and taking drugs (like DH no doubt was at that age!) then I would have a problems but FFS give the kid a break. Put your ear plugs in let the boy speak to his mates.

Anyway, told you it was petty. And am prepared to be told IABU but I needed to vent!

My son is 14 and bellows and swears when he’s gaming! Often til 11 at night. We tolerate as there are not many pleasures in their lives at the moment!

They all do it, if he's being as quiet as he can possibly be your DH is being unreasonable. He needs to use the earplugs and suck it up.

I have a just turned 15 year old. He goes off it when I go to bed around 10.30-11pm. He can go later at the weekend. He is already on it a lot so I think it's reasonable to be off then. Also he has to be up and online by 9am for school work

They all do this.

I use earplugs. What else is there for them to do? At least they’re talking to their mates.

In the first lockdown our neighbours 9 year old was on his trampoline all daylight hours. Because of the way the gardens are the trampoline was about 10ft from my bedroom window. One morning at about 6.30am I shouted and told him to stop, I felt awful and spoke to the neighbours.
My point in this is that the trampoline noise became a ‘thing’. It became much bigger in my head and I was always in edge almost anticipating that next squeak. Once it’s psychologically got under your skin you’re on high alert for the noise and the moment it happens it recalls all of that anger and frustration from the previous times and you can’t approach it rationally.

I can understand your husband not liking to have to wear the earplugs every night. Sometimes they're uncomfortable, and it's annoying to have to wear them frequently.

On the other hand, your son has decreased his noise, and it sounds like he's a good, helpful son, on the whole.

Would it help to have some sort of noise machine to mask the sound of your son talking? Maybe play soft music at a low volume or play some nature sounds? (I'm partial to rain/thunder, crashing waves, and bubbling brooks, when I can't shut my mind off at night.)

Your son sounds very considerate and your DH is being an arse. I have my own 16 year old with a PS4 and he tries to keep it down but he forgets quite a lot haha It's tough enough for teenagers at the moment not being able to see their friends, imo these games that allow them connect with their friends have been a life line, your DH needs to give the kid a break

Move xbox downstairs when you and dh go to bed?

My son does it at night in an adjoining bedroom to let off steam with his friends after GCSE revision from home. When I think of what I was gallivanting about doing at 16!

I'm fine with it. I can sleep regardless (unless he really starts yelling. Which is rare and I have a word).

I'll probably be flamed but I do believe parents naturally tolerate this kind of teenage behaviour far more than step-parents do.

My DS plays PS5 and I make him come off when we're going to bed as we have to work and I'd like him to get a good night's sleep (especially now they're back doing virtual school). He plays a lot during the day, its reasonable to come off at night. I have insomnia so if he wakes me up once, I can then be awake for the rest of the night. As I'm the person having to work to house everyone, I insist he comes off.

That said, I wouldn't have a man telling me what my son can or cannot do in my own house. Asking whether he could discuss the rules around late play is one thing, getting in a huff about it and causing tension over it is quite another.
Alternatively, do you have somewhere else he can play?

I have also put noise-cancelling panels between the two rooms, which helps a bit. Could something like that help?

Hi, I totally get where your coming from, we have the same problem. Our son is 17 and obviously they can't see their friends at the moment, can't see grandparents. I don;t think the kids realize how loud they sound when they have the headsets on, it makes them talk louder. My hubby get s up for work at 5.45 to 6ish in the morning and the kids can still be on at 11. I try and tell him to keep it down and his dad normally just sticks headphones in but sometimes it is too much and he has gpt to work all day. It's a hard one like you say as they aren't seeing friends and this lockdown is affecting their mental health too. Mine and hubbys only question is why do they all wait till god knows what time at night before they decide to all play a game together when they have had half the day free after online lessons, bloody vampires the lot of the them. Tell hubby to suck it up with the headphones or pay a fortune and have his rooom soundproofed. Good luck btw your not being petty, there are shedloads of us going through the same thing xx

Egg boxes are meant to be good noise insulators! Could you put them all over the adjoining wall

I’m being serious about this!

Being kept awake is awful. Yes DS needs to socialise but DH also needs to sleep. I'd really struggle to sleep with ear buds in and combining your snoring with your sons game playing I would understand that DH is probably losing his mind a bit.

Can you have DS do early nights every other night? Surely a fair compromise.

My teenage dc turn their consoles off when me and dh go to bed. I know it’s tricky times for teenagers but I am too selfish to lose sleep so they can game! They still stay up till the early hours on their phones but at least they are quiet.

Thanks everyone appreciate your feedback. I’ve suggested a compromise where DS turns it off at 11pm, so later than DH would like but earlier than DS would like. They both seem ok with it so fingers crossed.

@KarensChoppyBob no flaming here, I only have my own experience to go by but I tend to agree with you.

@TeaAndBrie yes! That’s exactly it, DH has made it a real psychological thing/big issue in his head now!