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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend constantly bloody texting

56 replies

stoptextingme · 24/02/2021 15:04

Name changed because I know she reads this.

Met A through a work thing a few years ago. Became a fairly good friend, not massively close, but good. We lived in the same area so saw each other socially, maybe caught up for a coffee once a month or every other month. We're a bit chalk and cheese but there's enough of a friendship there that I can meet up with her every now and again. She kind of comes in a pair with another woman she's best friends with, D, who I have a similar relationship with but who knows how to respect someone's boundaries . D got a new job and moved elsewhere about 18 months ago, if that's relevant, but they're still very close and (lockdown allowing) will get the train to visit each other. I'm going to pre-empt some replies here by saying, no, I don't think she is lonely. Missing D naturally, maybe, but A has a more active social life than I do and keeps a far wider circle. She is never short of things to do.

Long story short, I can work flexibly so moved closer to family for lockdown (did this pre-first lockdown in about March last year when it became clear this was going to get bad). So I don't see as much of A. I don't anticipate I will move back to the area me and A lived in - it's several hours drive from where I am now and the work thing that kept me there is all online now post-COVID. I have no real connections to that town.

In the meantime, all A has done for the past year is constantly bloody message me. Like, every day, multiple times a day. 95% of the things she sends me are boring as everloving fuck. Like announcing she's having a glass of wine, mundane things her relatives who I've never met have done, boring online dating screenshots, very minor grievances she's had with people that she works up in her head. To put it very politely, I don't think she gets out much - things that would otherwise be insignificant in anyone else's world are a massive deal in A's world. She will spend hours dissecting a minor interaction with a member of the opposite sex who was likely just being nice. (Outing but I don't care) we had hysterics off her the other day because someone on a dating app had made a very innocuous comment about sugar-free drinks (literally just making conversation) and she took it as a jibe at her weight.

Now the trouble is, in spite of that incredibly vitriolic comment, I do genuinely like the woman. The funny thing is, despite her overbearingness over text, she is quite a quiet, pleasant and unassuming woman in real life. I have a nice time seeing her every now and again, and it would be a genuine shame to cut her off completely. I would politely exchange a text maybe once every two weeks, or if she had something genuinely interesting to say. But I can't be arsed with the constant texting. I am too busy and I feel rude not replying - I'd say I reply to about a quarter of them, but she doesn't seem to get the hint. In fact, she has even made a comment to another mutual friend (not D) along the lines of "Ooh, I think I annoy stoptextingme with all my messages!". But she carries on anyway.

I know this topic crops up a lot but what can I do? How can I politely make her back off without going so far as to block her number (in any case, she would start messaging me on another form of social media I'm sure). Help!

OP posts:
SurelyBassey · 06/09/2023 09:16

●●●●●●●from 2 years ago●●●●●●

Ewrika · 02/04/2024 18:33

I have a neighbour alike this .
i am now so scared of her … as she is alike …. Disturbing ……

even if I politely telling her :
pls we are so busy …. ( special need kid during half term holiday) …
my kid doesn’t like phone shining in the dark night ( from ur endless text messages 4-10pm)

she just totally ignored my wish ,
insisting on running 1 sided dialogue .
about her issues .
Everythjng is about her .

or come to ring doorbell . Uninvited .

Really worry she turning violent if I make a “ rejection “ of her endless texting : hi I am drinking coffee hi I am shopping hi I am taking a bus

Queenfierce · 02/04/2024 18:48

In to minds on this I have a few friends who chat every day on WhatsApp if I'm not feeling up to replying right away I don't

I think you either ignore it or cut all communication

IAmAnIdiot123 · 02/04/2024 18:51

This is such a time portal post! Talks of lockdowns make me feel so strange now!

Ewrika · 03/04/2024 07:26

The thing is … it’s not lock down now ….as mum of 2-3 kids …. Lock down or not ….. super busy …. I am hands on mum .
her only son is older and boarding.
and I tried to explain I am busy, she refuses to listen selfishly,
sending me 20-40 mins long audio message about life , daily .
not weekly , daily .

crying about her kid can’t get in dream school , her son talent is killed by some weird teacher , others who got into the no 1 boarding school is cheating , the school is unfair .
this is like repeated 5-10 times .
yes she forgot what she said and had to repeat the same sad story again and again over the year .

and extremely calculating. “ who did what to me , so what I did is less or more back to whom “

extremely petty .

total narcissist,
she to electrician :”
my floor flooded downstairs and made their fuse box jumped ?
I don’t care !!! U can’t let electrician come in !!! I am on my way to euro star !!!!!
why now ? Who today ? Cant u see I am busy ?”

Then try to manipulate u with small gift ,
” sorry I invited my self just rang ur door bell , I left some
chocolate on the floor “

if I mention my kid is sick of heart issue , I am BUSY !!! can u stop texting me .

she :why don’t u go to a shrink or find a church to confess ur issue ? I have no time for ur issue . I don’t know how to help with heart . I am not doctor “

then I blocked her .
blocked her on what’s up .

waking up to find another phone of mine full of audio message , 10 of them like 1 hour in total length .
of her crying :
I am not bad person , I am not selfish , I am not narcissistic, my mum bla bla died ? Domestic violence ? My dad died ??? Some drama ?? I am depressed ??? My best friend died of cancer ??? I was depressed and seeing shrink ….. I went to church donated lots lots lots …..

and it’s Easter holiday , all my family r here .

i wanted to say :
stop harass me , or I have to xxxxxxx

but some friend :
be careful she has NPD , those kind of people hate confrontation and rejection .
just ignore her .

so
now I have to blocked her on 2 phones 3 platforms
&
in fear bumping into her in lift or car park .
then she will throw a drama melt down in front of kids .

my peaceful easter holiday is totally ruined by this neighbour

CheeryPye · 03/04/2024 08:15

Another necro thread brought back from the crypt. 🙄

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