I'm a bad mum aren't I

[doorh]

I'm new here but I really don't know what to do anymore

I split up with my sons dad over a year ago and he's just turned 8. He has ASD and only started speaking about 2 years ago but his speech is still behind and his vocabulary is more like a 3 or 4 year old. As he's got older he's got more aggressive and recently he's started to kick, punch, bite etc almost daily. I just feel like a bad mum as this morning he was refusing to get dressed (we had to go to the town as he wanted coco pops but he had the last of it yesterday) but he wouldn't get off his tablet. We had me telling him to get dressed for over an hour as he wouldn't eat anything else. In the end he finally did but as we were walking to the shop he sat on the floor and kept hitting and kicking etc. I was mortified as people walking past were just tutting and i finally calmed him down but we just went home

I'm a bad mum aren't I, I feel like I can't control him and he'd be better off living with my ex

I don't know what I want from this thread but please be kind

You're not a bad mum. You've had a bloody bad day though, by the sound of it. If it's any consolation, your DS is probably behaving like this in part because you're his Mum - he knows he's safe to express his frustration and upset with you, because your love is unconditional.

That may not help much, especially if you're getting punched and kicked. Do you have any real world help in all this?

Hope you're ok OP.

You are not a bad mum and I’m sure you’re doing a great job.

It’s much harder to be the “main” parent bearing the brunt of our children’s verbal attacks, tantrums and confusion in these strange times- let alone with a SEN child. Please don’t be hard on yourself.

You sound like you need a break though. Can your ex have him for a couple more days this week to give you a breather?

Sorry you are having a bad time op... Happens to every single dm. In your shoes tablet time needs to be earned.. Would doing a schedule he can read help?
Have breakfast
Make bed
Do teeth
Simple chores
Hour on tablet
Wash hands
Have lunch
Playtime
Maybe more tablet time of you feel he had been well behaved.. Ime it's easier for you to have the tablet and loan it out than taking it off him as he sees as punishment.
At bedtime take turns reading a story. Good wind down and gets some out loud reading done. Even a simple book.
You aren't a bad mum op..

He goes to my ex every other weekend and sometimes a day in the week if his dad isn't busy at work (he owns his own business) but my ex said he can't have him until this weekend but he said that it's 'unfair' as he had him last weekend. He wasn't very supportive when we were together as he was at work or out (before COVID obviously) and he isn't supportive now he just says that I let son do whatever he likes

I would stop listening to your ex. That is the beauty of him being an ex.. You don't have to..
Ime when dc jump between 2 homes there is a period of transition.
Ds was awful for about an hour when he came back. Welcome him home on a positive.
. A hot chocolate /film ready to start /he may have mixed feelings about seeing df and unfortunately you get the backlash.. Ds was allowed an hour of grump then expected to behave as he knew he should.

You're doing the best job you can OP, the worlds 'best' mum would struggle in your shoes at the best of times but in a global pandemic with so little support... you're doing just fine. Give yourself a break and stop being so hard on yourself. Your ex is your ex for a reason, he's entitled to his opinions and you're entitled to completely disregard them. Get yourself a glass of wine tonight and give yourself a pat on the back for doing a bloody good job in some pretty dire circumstances x

No tutting here, just a big hug from a fellow mum!
Wish I could buy you a big drink!

No you are not a bad mum at all. This is not your fault and it's not his either. You can get a wheelchair for safety purposes and it sounds like you need one. That would help you out.