To wish I lived on my own again

[Schoolofsock]

Got married late 30s. Had my own place by then, lived on my own. Mates, boyfriends, generally happy. Now a family of 4, incl 2 dc age 11, 15, dp and a dog. I'm regularly LONGING to be just back in my own simple life. Not just a little fantasy now and again but desperately longing to get out of stifling family life. But I love them all so much and can't leave them, I know i'd be even more unhappy. Plus they are my responsibility, I can't just leave. I'm the glue in the family. The 'lead' parent, decision maker etc. My dp is lovely and has lots of great qualities but he is not a strong character. Feel like I'm going mad , the resentment and frustration bursting out of my chest. Is this normal? I know family life is hard but does everybody feel like this? Am I going to be full of stifling regrets later when my kids have left? I feel awful for being like this. ( I was like this before Covid).

Your children are not babies anymore, they don't you as much.

You would be just as responsible for them if you were moving out anyway.

You have a partner at home, use him! You have plenty of time to do your own things. Living with the father of your kid makes life so much easier - it does for me. And instead of having to deal with all the chores and life admin and shit, it's all divided in 2, so I only have 50%.

Make the most of it.

No children but been married nearly 15 years. I definitely dream of living by myself, a 2 bed flat with just my own things, decorated exactly how I want it, by someone I've paid to do it, rather than waiting forever for my husband to not finish a job he starts. It will have a little balcony with a deckchair, the fridge will be full of just my foods and no one will ever eat the last mini roll I've been saving! When I come home from work the flat will be exactly how I left it, rather than being able to trace my wfh husbands daily routine - breakfast and lunch plates left by the sofa, recycling left by the kitchen sink, coffee cups left on his desk and wine glass left in the bathroom

I think if your life involves you being the 'house parent', in that you carry the whole organisational load, I can well imagine it.

On MN, there is a constant theme of exhausted women who work FT, do all the household chores, laundry, cooking, shopping etc. and parenting whilst their partner does shag all.

I just don't get how people live like that.

I clearly love myself a LOT because my love would have dried up soooooooo quickly if I felt that was going to be my load.

Have you ever sat down and spoken about the division of work load?

If you have and he doesn't care, then the question is why are you still with him?

Life is too short.
Wanting to live away from your family is not nor mal and healthy if it is more than a fleeting wish that everyone can of course feel.

But to really, really wish it, something must be very wrong.

You deserve better than to be feeling like that.

If I felt like that, my husband would hear about it, and he would know, shit needs to change.

I definitely dream of living by myself, a 2 bed flat with just my own things, decorated exactly how I want it, by someone I've paid to do it, rather than waiting forever for my husband to not finish a job he starts. It will have a little balcony with a deckchair, the fridge will be full of just my foods and no one will ever eat the last mini roll I've been saving! When I come home from work the flat will be exactly how I left it

Welcome to my world! Not going to lie, I love it and yet I know people pity me my single, child free life. I’m always doing exactly what I want when I want.

OP do you have any space to make a ‘den’? I know someone who struggled with the constant demands of family life and she kitted out the loft. When she needed space she went up there and closed the hatch, she said it helped a lot

My mum lives alone. Her house is immaculate and just as she likes it. She works and has a full social life (well pre-covid anyway) yet can close her curtains and watch her favorite tv show in peace if she feels like it. Since having DC I'm always envious of her life!

I'm hoping to follow in her footsteps and divorce my husband when my DC are a bit older and live in peace (what an ambition 😂🤦🏼‍♀️)

I wouldn’t want to go away on holiday by myself because I would enjoy it too much and I wouldn’t want to come back.