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to be getting more and more annoyed with my sister's smoking and the way its affecting her daughter...

12 replies

juicychops · 04/11/2007 14:44

my sis has a 18month old dd. I have her at mine once every fortnight for the night and she has my ds once every fortnight for the night.

She lives alone with her dd but stays at her boyfriend's house (her dd's dad) about 2-3 times per week. They both smoke. She doesn't smoke in her flat, but he does in his, and (considerately) hangs out the window to smoke when their dd is there.

Her flat still smells like smoke even though she doesn't smoke in there, but his flat reeks of it as ive been there a couple of times. There is ash trays overflowing everywhere and its just gross.

Anyway, when my sis and her dd are there, her dd sleeps in a travel cot. The same travel cot that i have at mine when her dd stays here

When you open it up it stinks of smoke and it makes my bedroom stink of smoke. If you put your head in it, it smells like it does when your in a room where people are smoking. I would never ever let my ds sleep in something that smells like that and i hate having to put my niece in it for the night.

Every night she stays at mine she wakes all through the night cos she coughs a lot. I never sleep. and last night she was particularly bad and i had to get her out in the night and give her some medicine.

She has already had to be taken to hospital one night that i had her to be put on a ventelator cos she couldn't breathe and i think she has her dad's asthma.

i have tried and tried to explain all this to my sister about how terrible for her health making her sleep in these conditions are but she just doesn't care or do anything about it. I cant afford to buy a travel cot for her to use at mine and i have no where to store it either

She is going to get seriously ill

and its also not fair for me having to have my bedroom stink of smoke either

How can i make my sister see the seriousness of this? its getting to the point where i dont want her staying here

OP posts:

moopymoo · 04/11/2007 14:50

I would feel awful about this too. However, ime it is practically impossible to make someone do or see something that they dont want to. Have you said explicitly to her 'you do realise your smoking is causing her asthma dont you? you are putting her in serious danger by having her in smoky conditions..' Are you happy to let your ds stay there? Im not sure I would be though i realise that a break once a fortnight is a big deal. Can you get another second hand travel cot to have at your house then you dont need the stinky one?


kindersurprise · 04/11/2007 14:52

That sounds horrible for your niece and for you. I do not know what more you can do if she is not willing to listen. Has she spoken to her doctor/health visitor about her dd's cough?

Perhaps there is a MNetter nearby who has a travel cot that she does not need. I have one in my cellar and would gladly give it to you, but we live in Germany so not much use I am afraid.

Can you put her in a normal bed with a bed guard? I definately would not like the smelly travel cot in my house.


lucyellensmum · 04/11/2007 14:55

You could ask your HV or GP for some literature regarding the harmful effects of second hand smoke on babies and young children.

If the little girl looks forward to staying with auntie then dont stop her from coming. I dont think you should allow your son to go and stay there if they continue to smoke. If the stuff smells that much, they obviously dont hang out of the window and do it.


nORAYNonmybonfireplease · 04/11/2007 14:55

I'm not sure there is anything you can do tbh, when my DC's used to see their dad(exdp) they would smell of cigarettes too, and no matter how many times I told him to stop smoking in a car with kids as it affected our DD's asthma he would claim having the window open made it ok
Maybe have a word with her health visitor? See if she can explain mroe about it, sometimes being told by a health professional can make more of an impact, but a lot (not all!) of smokers convince themselves that they aren't hurting their children as they are 'responsible' yet really they aren't.
Normally I would say dont get involved, it'll just cause trouble but I appreciate this is your niece and your sister.


3littlesparklers · 04/11/2007 14:56

She had to be put on a ventilator and the parents still smoke???

That is child abuse.


juicychops · 04/11/2007 14:59

i might look around for a cheap travel cot, its just my house is so so small there is no storage space so il struggle to find somewhere to keep it. Im sure i can find a little spot.

But then she is still in the smelly cot the other times and i feel so sad for her.
Ive told my sister so many times how bad her smoking is for her dd but she just shrugs it off and ignores me.

I dont mind my ds staying at hers. I really need the break! plus she doesn't smoke in her flat. It still smells, but its the manky old stale smell of smelly clothes rather than actual smoke

OP posts:

juicychops · 04/11/2007 15:01

not that he ever would as i dont like my sister's boyfriend, but i would never let my ds stay round his flat!!

OP posts:

kindersurprise · 04/11/2007 15:42

How about posting on the wanted section here on MN for a 2nd hand travel cot?


Budabang · 04/11/2007 15:46

Where are you? I have a travel cot at MILs that we don't use anymore as DS is now 6 - was holding it for no.2 which hasn't arrived! Am happy to send it to you b ut it will take a few weeks as MIL in hosp at the moment. MIL is in Chester.


Tangle · 04/11/2007 22:44

We got a Samsonite Pop-up Bubble as a travel cot for DD as our car isn't that large. That particular one is only recommended up to 18 months, but there are variations that go up to 3 years that you might be able to find 2nd hand, and they're all much lighter and more compact when stored.

Or is she mature enough to use a Ready-Bed?

Hope you can find a solution - poor girl


bookthief · 04/11/2007 22:48

Travel cot from Kiddicare for under £30


juicychops · 05/11/2007 12:45

hi thanks everyone for the suggestions. Im in Dartford so quite far from Chester.

Im watching a travel cot on ebay which is at £5 at the moment local enough to pick up.

She's too young really for a ready bed at the moment she would just get up and wander off!

OP posts:
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