Splitting Christmas when co-parenting

[AyUpMiDuck]

How do co-parents split access over Christmas? My friend is close to giving up. Ex has been awarded some overnight access for their DS (5) and alternate Christmases starting this year. The time and exact definition of Chrstmas wasn't clarified. She has been asked to make a statement for the court order to agree to this sharing. AIBU- (or ISBU) She would like to see DS for part of Christmas day is she being unreasonable ? she is expecting non-compliance from the ex. How does she respond with fair wording about how to split the Christmas period?

Personally I have dc Christmas then exp takes them Boxing Day for a second Christmas Day and keeps them til NYE: otherwise I'd do Christmas Eve/morning with them then drop them mid morning I think. I guess it depends what his ideas are too

Technically we have:

1 year:
Christmas Eve until 2pm Christmas Day with me, 2pm CD until 5pm Boxing Day with ExH
New Years Eve until 2pm New Years Day with ExH

Then switch next year.

But ExH has never asked to switch with me, at worst he's kept her for an extra few hours on Boxing Day. We've been split 4 years in a few weeks. I offer every year to switch but he always says no.

We used to have Christmas Day every other year. The distance was too far to split it.

We do:
He has Christmas Eve from 4pm until Christmas Day 4pm. The following year he has them from 4pm Christmas Day until 4pm Boxing Day. We've done it both ways now and it works well. Ours was court ordered, not an amicable split due to DV.

We do - Christmas Eve - here - Christmas dinner - here - Christmas night and Boxing Day with him

I have offered to change but he really wouldn;t cope with having to do Santa etc - he's hopeless

We alternate it.

This year it’s Christmas Eve 10am to Boxing Day 5pm me. And NYE 10am to NYD 5pm him.

So next year it’ll be opposite, this is the fairest way we could think to do it and the one with the least messing about for the DC who didn’t respond well to half days here and there.

Our court order says one person gets a week at Christmas and the other gets a few days over New Year, and it alternates annually.

My daughter was 5 when this was ordered.

It's not normal to split Christmas Day (though some parents agree to, if they live nearby and are amicable, but that doesn't sound like the case here).

@Alicenwonderland

We do: He has Christmas Eve from 4pm until Christmas Day 4pm. The following year he has them from 4pm Christmas Day until 4pm Boxing Day. We've done it both ways now and it works well. Ours was court ordered, not an amicable split due to DV.

Ours is also court ordered due to DV I didn't put that in my post

I think sharing christmas day is really hard for the kids and all for the parents.

My brother does it week before and including christmas day with 1 parent, then boxing day then next week is other parent

Given the non-compliance issue, any proposal will be rejected and challenged as unfair. I suggest therefore it's all of Christmas for one, New Year for the other.

Alternate years, Christmas Eve & Christmas morning with one parent, til lunchtime, and then Christmas dinner, Christmas night and Boxing Day with the other parent. It means both parents get part of the Christmas Day magic!

Are the children happy? I just remember one of the documentaries of the prince's saying they hated being ferried between their parents.

Christmas just past was the first Christmas post split. We had agreed to DD stayed with me Xmas eve until 3pm Xmas day then to her Dads until 3pm Boxing Day, thought this was fairer to everyone. DD was upset when she had to leave me but she came alright. I didn't think it was fair on her but she has said she wants to do that this year too. She's 7 but if she's happy that's what matters.

We split it the same way as birthdays so that the kids get to see both parents om special occasions. They wake up at one parents house and go to sleep at the other and then alternate at Christmas so Christmas eve and Christmas day until 2 with one parent, Christmas day at 2 u till boxing day with other parent and then alternate. It works really well for us and means everyone gets to share special days.

Thank you all for the replies so far. Some good suggestions and a lot to ponder.

To answer a few questions: The DS doesn't much like staying with his father for many nights but sadly, that was the court's decision.
DS has always had Christmas at home with his mum (she is in same house) and likely he would choose to stay there if allowed but it isn't.
Parents live close to each other.

I think in general courts would alternate Christmas. My ex and I agreed on a split day and it works for us.

I have always had all 3 DC on Xmas day and Exh has them on Boxing day. Our children were older at 17, 14 and 7 to decide for themselves and tell judge what they wanted. It has worked well for all of us. I always do stockings and Exh takes them out in Boxing day sale and they chose a gift. He is lazy and won't wrap gifts so that suits him. I was very relieved when exh agreed to have Boxing day every year. In return I agree to him swapping his weekend at short notice due to his work several times each year. Some years he has kids on NY and other years I do. For several years now it is only younger son as older DC grown up and make up own minds.

I live abroad and the standard is That one parent gets the first half of the school Christmas holidays and the other the second and they alternate the weeks each year.

Clearly that only works well when the first week covers all of Christmas and the second all of the New Year period.

My ex loves New Year’s Eve and I love Christmas. I was lucky in that we agreed that I get Christmas every year and he gets New Years Eve.

We split the day and alternate, similar to most others on here. He only lives 10 mins away and its amicable so seems to work well. The kids definitely want to see us both on xmas day so I don't agree with PP that this is for my benefit only. I'm not that bothered about xmas personally so if the DC wanted to be in one household only for the day that would be fine with me.

@Lachimolala

We alternate it.

This year it’s Christmas Eve 10am to Boxing Day 5pm me. And NYE 10am to NYD 5pm him.

So next year it’ll be opposite, this is the fairest way we could think to do it and the one with the least messing about for the DC who didn’t respond well to half days here and there.

Hopefully I will never be in this position but this to me sounds best for all to enjoy Christmas. As much as I would miss my kids on Christmas day I would want us all to enjoy Christmas day and clock watching and not having a drink with Christmas dinner to be able to collect the children does not sound fun.

My dad never asked to have us at Christmas or new year so it was never an issue growing up. I know we felt left out compared to my half brothers though. Dad bought us presents as if we were a niece or nephew ie 1 gift and maybe a selection box rather than the load of presents our half brothers got and they were handed over at some point on a 'normal' day.

@PumpkinPlantPot

Technically we have:

1 year:
Christmas Eve until 2pm Christmas Day with me, 2pm CD until 5pm Boxing Day with ExH
New Years Eve until 2pm New Years Day with ExH

Then switch next year.

But ExH has never asked to switch with me, at worst he's kept her for an extra few hours on Boxing Day. We've been split 4 years in a few weeks. I offer every year to switch but he always says no.

We do this but 12pm instead of 2.

We have my stepson every second year from Xmas eve - New Year’s Day!

Then he’s at his mums the next year

He likes this and he doesn’t really enjoy going back and forth between houses ! We tend to take him longer periods rather than days / weekends here and there