To ask if you had a fear of motorway driving, how did you get over it?

[Oileo]

I’ve led a lifestyle where I don’t have to drive a car much. When I asked younger I just had a motorbike, then I was lazy and often let DH drive. Now with the pandemic I’m really out of the habit.

I’m used to city driving, probably confident in central London lane changing where many aren’t, but I have so little time on big roads ir at speed. If I do it’s the onslaught of the M25 which does not help. I’m actually ok off the M25, bout I really need to use it occasionally once lockdown ends. End of April right round it. Past the M4 bit which is really my nightmare patch.

It’s a silly fear really, I’ve never had an incident of note when driving and when I’m not anxious it’s easy. I’ve probably more got an issue with general anxiety than driving, but it’s not focusing on driving.

It doesn’t help the car is 20yrs old this year, and I feel like it has far less power than many at motorway speeds. Plus about a year ago it let me down (a turbo issue, now fixed) and I needed up at 50 Max on the motorway suddenly which scared me. I also stupidly get nervous and go for the slow lane, then realise I’m in a wall of lorries that are bloody dangerous to be inbetween as many tailgate.

If you’ve got pass this fear, can you let me know what you did? I need to find my confidence again big time. Last summer I drove to Devon and frankly I was a mess. I’m in a circle of anxious driving.

Many driving instructors offer motorway sessions to qualified drivers, I believe. My daughter found them useful, and it might help your confidence. Not sure how that fits with lock down restrictions, though.

Was it in her own car? I think I need to get over the fear of my old tank (I’m now wondering if renting a car is a crazy option...)

You might not like this OP but exposure and practice are key to dealing with a fear. Take every opportunity to get on a motorway, you don't need to do a big journey just go a few junctions then come off again and reward yourself for achieving it. With time things will get easier and you'll panic less and less.

I second going out with a driving instructor, very useful for being a second pair of eyes and ears if you’re nervous

Otherwise it really is practice practice. Going out when the roads are quiet is good and you can practice getting your speed up / changing lanes etc

It is simply a case of lots of practise. Maybe with a calm friend or if not an instructor.
I would be much more scared of driving in central London!

Yep. I’m afraid I had to just do it. Over and over again. Started with a motorway lesson, then took the car on the motorway early one Sunday morning and went up to the next junction and back. A few weeks later, I did a long-distance trip.

The M25 is fairly awful, to be fair, I understand how you feel.

Any chance of upgrading your car?

Definitely practice.

I slightly freaked myself out by driving on country lanes after dark recently... Something I used to do often. I think we all have our fears. But with driving, practice definitely helps.

Unfortunately practice doesn't help with some of the idiots you have to share the roads with.

I had motorway lessons.im still not massively keen on driving on motorways but if possible maybe try to choose times when it wont be (as) busy to practise on a short stretch.
...although (and this feels strange to say) actually when its REALLY busy it sometimes doesnt feel as scary as everything is going a lot slower! (But the M25 can feel a bit claustrophobic with Lorries)

Yes, I got up early when I knew traffic would be minimal and practiced short distances, lane swapping etc at quieter times until I got my confidence up. I also still drive in whichever motorway lane has the best stopping distances (usually the left, but sometimes middle) and never get sandwiched between lorries. You do just have to do it until it becomes non-scary.

I was terrific motorwsy driving then I started a job which involved 20 miles on the motorway each way and very quickly got used to it. I don’t drive fast (I keep to 70) but I do feel more confident now I have a car that I can pull away in quite fast so that I don’t get stuck trying to get out of behind lorries etc.

I've been driving 30 years.
I don't particularly like it but I'm normally confident.
No problem with 'normal' motorways.

A couple of years ago I had to go round the M25 from ~ the M4 to the M11. I was frankly terrified and a nervous wreck, especially when I had to do the return. Too much traffic, too many lanes, too many lorries, too many junctions.

I know it doesn't sound particularly helpful, but I forced myself to do it. Where I live, there's a very quiet stretch of motorway, and I drove on there a couple of times for a few junctions each time. You get used to it eventually, and the traffic is just something you learn to deal with.

Is there anywhere that's a little bit quiet for you to try?

Also remember that, if needed, there's nothing wrong whatsoever in staying in the left hand lane all the way. People can overtake you, and the important thing is that you get to your destination safely.

I’m the other way round, love driving the motorways but hate city driving.
Will not drive into a city centre if I don’t have to. I am fine getting to the outskirts but to actually go into the city centre I go into panic mode and my confidence just goes out the window!

Have you got somebody that come out with you for practice, do a little bit at a time to build up your confidence.

Lots of good advice about the driving bit but I know what's it like when you lose faith in your actual car, it's difficult to shift that worry and if you're not confident on certain types of drive then it's almost a double problem. Is there any chance of getting rid and trying a different one? I had to with one of mine in the end.

I spent two years being too afraid to get in the car. I would shake before I drove, the only thing that worked was doing it at quiet times, and music. I put my favourite music on and turn it off if I’m in a bit where I need to think properly. I also started going the busier routes slowly when I was feeling more confident that day. Motorway driving is some of the safest driving you can do as long as your car can go to 70! I would suggest going on a route that’s faster before the motorway, A roads that are familiar maybe?

The thing that really helped me was twigging how much easier it is when you go at the same speed as the traffic. If you're trying to join traffic moving at 70 when you're doing 50 then that's really hard, but when you're doing 70 too then the gaps are way bigger, the situation changes much more slowly and counterintuitively you have heaps more time to react. It just makes it much easier.
Similarly if you can get out into the middle lane before you have to slow down behind a slower lorry, that makes it much easier. Once you're stuck behind someone much slower, you do need a much bigger gap to get out and that might well take ages to appear. Don't worry about it if so, you're doing absolutely the right thing to hold out for a gap that you know is safe. People who are whizzing past you probably aren't making use of gaps that you are "missing", they are using gaps that simply weren't available to you because you're going slower than they are. If they were in your position they probably wouldn't/shouldn't be using them either.

Driving defensively, being predictable to others and keeping within your limits are all things that make you a good driver. It's not the case that people who get into smaller gaps than you are better drivers per se, even if they think they are!

I did the passplus course which included a whole day of motorway driving. Felt so much more confident afterwards

@TeenMinusTests that makes me feel better, that’s ‘my’ stretch. I can pop up and down the M11 but heading to and beyond the M4... I mean how many fucking lanes??? I even did the M20 at a busy time with lorries and I was okish.

Upgrading isn’t an option, and wouldn’t be justified for such infrequent use (I have to jump start it in winter sometimes I haven’t moved it for ages). I just need it sometimes for a long trip and the cost of a large family and trains long distance would be a crazy cost.

I think the people who are saying ‘practise’ are right. I think I just need to get alone, minus shouty kids, on the M25 and deal with it. I can go to Dartford the other way as I know it better.

I’m actually fine merging etc, it just the build up over time of the heightened state rising and rising. Like being super over alert for ages I guess and it rising up and up.

It’s also irrational, as in A roads that run at 70 I’m pretty cool. 🤷‍♀️

@silverbubbles silly really I know, I’ll take on the Swiss Cottage roundabout and cross all the lanes with only irritation at the stupid driving. I guess central London, though crazy squeeze, is low speed

Other way round here. Big fast roads I'm in my element but central London has me panicking and flustered. I called my old driving instructor and he met up with me and gave me a one off 3 hour lesson in the middle of London and I found that I was a lot calmer with him there and explaining how to handle things and why. I'm a lot better now. Although I still have an irrational hatred of Plaistow. I'll drive half hour out of my way to avoid it.

i just got on with it.

i was in an accident with a lorry when i was a child, its made me very afraid of driving near them, which projected onto motorway driving, which i avoided for nearly 20 years..

When my ExH and i split, i had to basically bite the bullet and get over my fear to get anywhere to visit friends/family by myself.

So i started doing little trips, just one junction, then 2, then took a trip out to a store i wanted to go to with my mom in the passenger seat.

Its really just exposure, you have to get in the saddle and ride sugar, you can do it!!

If after 20 years i can become a confident motorway driver, so can you :)

Following, I also have a phobia of motorway driving. The main problem for me is that I get very sweaty hands and then I feel unsafe because my hands feel slippery and the steering wheel is slippery in my hands. Cotton gloves help with that, and also the "four breathing rule" - ie breath in for 4 and out for 4, 4 times, and it calms you down.

But I've had to come off a motorway at times because my hands get so bad. I don't know why it happens - I can easily do 60mph on a safe wide single carriageway road so why is it different on a motorway? It is annoying.

I am ok going on the motorway locally because it's very easy to get into it - no slip road, you get your own lane. But the elevated section of the M5 near Exeter really gets to me - fortunately I've now found a workaround which only takes an extra 10 minutes. Ditto the top of the M3 - I think elevated sections make me worse.

I also don't like lorries. 3 lanes of lorries on a 4 lane section of the M1 or M6 - AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!

I laughed out loud at a hatred of Plaistow.
It’s Walthamstow and Enfield annoying me, but that’s the new road rules. You have to be constantly sign spotting in already cluttered street furniture. Stuff like 50 yards past a junction a sign will tell you the road is a school street and closed to traffic 8:30-9:30qm. You’re there trying to pick a gap and trying to read a good chunk of instructional writing at the same time. Or a ‘sign will say ‘this road is closed’ and you’ll think ‘oh, it’s open and perfectly normal’- what they meant is you can drive down it, normal road markings etc and looks fine... but they’ll fine you as it’s ‘closed’.

@poppycat10 you sound like me. Yes to trying to control breathing, I don’t get sweaty hands but a lump in my throat and tingly fingertips.