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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disturbed at the lack of knowledge of periods among DD's friends?

58 replies

FortunesFave · 22/02/2021 21:58

They're all 12-13 and attend a small school in Australia. They do have sex education but separately...so they've had lessons with the girls and lessons with the boys but never together.

yesterday DD said she and her friends were talking together about periods and a boy from a nearby group (they're friends with these boys...all lovely lads) came over and asked what a tampon was.

Wtf? Why wouldn't they know? It seems his friends...3 of them and him didn't know.

DD said they definitely didn't know...they then all discussed periods together and one of the girls thought that "A clump of eggs comes out sometimes when you have your period"

DD worked out that she thought that the occasional blood clot was 'a clump of eggs"

My DD knows all about the workings of the female body...because I've told her...do people really not discuss these things with kids this age?

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 22/02/2021 22:01

Seems so.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 22/02/2021 22:29

Evidently not.

MyLittleOrangutan · 22/02/2021 22:31

I think most parents dont discuss these things with their kids

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 22/02/2021 22:34

My mum never did as anything like that makes her squeamish so I learnt through friends.

I have a 8yo DD and 5yo DS and they both know what a period is (I've talked about the science with DD, DS is too young) they know about Sanpro too as they've seen me bleed and use it. It's SO important to normalise these things early on.

Ericaequites · 22/02/2021 22:35

My step niece and her friend at that age though one only had a period once. I explained it came every month unless one was pregnant until one was fifty or so. Her mother had never discussed this with her, and Sex Ed at school gave an incomplete picture.

Iggly · 22/02/2021 22:37

I’ve said YABU because clearly people don’t discuss these things. Plenty of people are uncomfortable doing so 🤷🏻‍♀️

My kids however know plenty, my ds has a book on puberty which covers boys and girls - which I think it’s very important for him (and my dd when she gets to reading it!). He’s been curious for years and we’ve always given age appropriate information since the first time he asked where his sister came from!

MeepleMe · 22/02/2021 22:42

I knew all this young because my mother was very open and informative. I was truly shocked when a boyfriend at 17, who was clever and should have known better from biology lessons, revealed his belief that a period could be 'let out' at will with control like bladder or bowels.

Happycat1212 · 22/02/2021 22:44

My mum never even spoke to ME about them, I only knew what they were when it happened so yes it’s not hard to believe that boys won’t be told by their parents, I never saw my mum bleeding or using Sanpro,I’m not sure that’s something kids need to see tbh.

TransientFrog · 22/02/2021 22:45

My friend, in her early 30's announced that she doesn't use tampons because she gets "blood clots". She didn't realise that this was actually perfectly normal and she could still use tampons. Half her life she's thought she couldn't use pads.

I'm an educated woman of nearly 40 and I swear I learned 90% of my knowledge of my own reproduction system when I had my first child.

For instance, I though increased discharge each month meant that I had a problem, it wasn't it was an increase due to ovulation

honeylulu · 22/02/2021 22:59

I think some stuff can be misunderstood or misremembered if the lesson doesnt dwell on it. I like to think I'm intelligent and well informed but I was in my late 20s before I appreciated that ovulation is about day 14 of the cycle not a few days before your period. I'm sure that wouldn't have been taught wrongly but somehow I got the wrong end of the stick and didn't realise until I did some editorial work on a biology book.

I also had a uni boyfriend who was astonished to be told that sanitary towels were stuck to one's underwear, rather than one's genitalia.

Finally my son when he had sex ed lessons in year 6 came home crying and begging me to throw away my boxes of tampons. It turned out the lesson had briefly skimmed over toxic shock syndrome (the boys had separate lessons that went into less detail about girls puberty) and that was the one stand out thing he remembered: that mum could die from using tampons!

Oh, and a few weeks later we were watching Eastenders and he assured me that even if a couple had sex they could only conceive a pregnancy if they slept (as in fell asleep) together afterwards. I corrected him on that one sharpish but realised how misleading the coy expression "slept together" is and how prevalent it is on TV!

MissMarpleDarling · 23/02/2021 00:26

I've never thought to tell my boys what a tampon is. They stuck my pads on the bathroom wall once. I think they must know they go in underwear but we've never discussed it.

FrumpyDumpyDragon · 23/02/2021 01:43

I'm not surprised, especially at that age. Most 12/13-year-old girls probably don't know the ins and outs of male puberty, either. I know I didn't!

Sapho47 · 23/02/2021 01:46

Used to know someone who taught sex ed/health classes the stories they had were shocking.

Like the majority in every new group believing you couldn't get pregnant on your first time

Original poster
FortunesFave · 23/02/2021 01:51

@FrumpyDumpyDragon

I'm not surprised, especially at that age. Most 12/13-year-old girls probably don't know the ins and outs of male puberty, either. I know I didn't!
I should hope they do! All boys and all girls should learn about what changes each goes through so they can be supportive and understanding!
OP posts:
SmokedDuck · 23/02/2021 01:53

I don't really think this is all that weird. Even girls who are given all the information sometimes get the wrong end of the stick about something - the idea that a blood clot is a bunch of eggs is likely an example of that. No one mentioned a certain detail or they didn't notice it at the time, or they jump to a wrong conclusion about what is going on with something.

I imagine lots of boys just aren't that interested in the details.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 23/02/2021 02:15

@SmokedDuck

I don't really think this is all that weird. Even girls who are given all the information sometimes get the wrong end of the stick about something - the idea that a blood clot is a bunch of eggs is likely an example of that. No one mentioned a certain detail or they didn't notice it at the time, or they jump to a wrong conclusion about what is going on with something.

I imagine lots of boys just aren't that interested in the details.

I think that in order to normalise periods more, boys need to be taught what the various products related to it are.

Anyone over 40 will remember the deep shame which went along with periods for many girls.

Even now I see posts on MN with women saying their Mother won't have a bathroom bin incase 'the men' see products in there.

There's too much secrecy and "They don't need to know" about it all.

Women know all about how to be careful of boy's and men's testicles from a young age...we're taught that a kick there could damage a man in the future.

We're also taught about boys and men's bodies and the changes they go through. You can bet if they needed products like tampons, girls would know what they were.

OP posts:
wellthatsunusual · 23/02/2021 02:40

I think it's a real eye opener just how poor some people's knowledge of reproduction is too. I saw a video on TikTok the other day of a woman talking about her ectopic pregnancy. There were about 10,000 comments on it and when I skimmed through, a significant number of them were telling her that she was a murderer. That if she couldn't take the responsibility for an ectopic pregnancy, she should keep her legs shut. Women who claimed that they would just give it a go because it might all be fine. People saying 'my mum had five of us, they were all ectopic pregnancies but she went ahead and there were no problems', people saying that all the doctors needed to do was move the fertilizer egg to her uterus, or even asking if she would consider having it moved ^to another woman's uterus'. Even leaving aside the fact that it's social media and a lot of them were probably trolling, there appeared to be thousands of people, mostly female, who 1) didn't know what an ectopic pregnancy is and 2) refused to believe that it exists when other people explained it.

CoalCraft · 23/02/2021 03:53

My mum never discussed any of these things with me, but to be fair I think I got a good grounding from the school before she got round to it. I remember coming home from school telling her all about it like she'd have no idea Grin

You're not wrong to be alarmed though, OP, children should definitely know these things by that age.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 23/02/2021 04:33

Sadly no they don’t.
They leave it to be a shock then don’t supply there children with any supplies.

Same as when I was a teen.
Mum always puts pencil case of just incase things for our school bag that was used by most of my friends at one stage or another.
Spare undies, pads, tampons, little plastic bag and a stain removal pen.

vixxau · 23/02/2021 04:41

Maybe the boy was trying to get them to talk about sticking things in their vaginas, and was feigning ignorance?

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2021 05:07

@FrumpyDumpyDragon

I'm not surprised, especially at that age. Most 12/13-year-old girls probably don't know the ins and outs of male puberty, either. I know I didn't!
My dd had a week of sex Ed in lockdown in yr7 (11-12 yos). Female anatomy / periods / gestation / male anatomy. Pads / tampons were not discussed. I presume that was covered in yr5 or 6.
Providora · 23/02/2021 05:14

As a mother of 2 teenage boys I'd put money on the 12-13yos feigning ignorance as a joke.

Tampons are in shops, on TV ads - boys of this age have been talking about anything sex related for years, of course they know! And if they didn't know, they wouldn't interrupt a group of girls to ask.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 23/02/2021 11:21

@Providora

As a mother of 2 teenage boys I'd put money on the 12-13yos feigning ignorance as a joke.

Tampons are in shops, on TV ads - boys of this age have been talking about anything sex related for years, of course they know! And if they didn't know, they wouldn't interrupt a group of girls to ask.

I thought that too but DD and her mates know these boys very well and spend a lot of time with them...they're friends. Their ignorance was real.
OP posts:
ItsSnowJokes · 23/02/2021 11:27

This is more common that you think. I work in HE and the amount of 18+ year olds that don't know how there body works astounds me. We have done period poverty and sustainable period campaigns and hoping to get the message out that way. We have had workshops for menstrual cups, as women really didn't understand how they worked etc.....

user1473878824 · 23/02/2021 11:39

@vixxau

Maybe the boy was trying to get them to talk about sticking things in their vaginas, and was feigning ignorance?
........that seems more likely does it? Jesus Christ.