Is there anyone who NEVER found a job they are good at and clicked with?

[Whycantigetitright]

Feeling really down. Had a second round interview last week, and just got the email that I didn't get it. They asked me if I'd do further interviews for another position instead. Which is entry level with shit pay.

I have a shit patchy work history and find it all incredibly stressful. I worked from my teens, and always wanted a good career and thought I'd get it and I just haven't managed it. The wheels fall off the cart as soon as I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and can't mask my disabilities properly.

It's a real reflection on my personality (tragic saddo) and then by extension, I have periods of feeling completely useless and worthless when measured against other people with steady jobs.

My small business, which I was good at and never got overwhelmed by (but different to the career I was trying to achieve success in) is in events, so the pandemic has fucked that up too, as my back up option.

I'm married and infertile and just think, what is the point of me?

Has anyone experienced similar thoughts or feelings? What did you do to overcome or make peace with it?

No-one?

Didn’t want to read and run xx
I am in a steady job but still get the “what’s the point of me” thoughts, OP. I don’t think lockdown helps.
We are so much more than our jobs, but it can be hard to feel it sometimes.

What would you like to do? What sort of jobs are you trying for? If it helps I work in a team of therapists and the guy who tooke out the recycling (when we were in the office) easily brought more joy into the lives of others than any of us did.
He was softly spoken, friendly in an understated way, but he was also so thoughtful. Listened, remembered to ask after people’s sick cat, their sore big toe, their child starting uni.

His job might have seemed fairly inconsequential but a day when I didn’t see him felt incomplete.
I don’t know if he ever knew it. I don’t know if anyone ever told him how appreciated he was. The office has been closed for nearly a year now, I daresay he now has a new job. I will miss him!

Try not to place too much store on the nature of your work, think more about what your character (no matter how quiet) contributes to the world.

Oh, and I don’t believe you are a “tragic saddo” for one moment. To me tragic saddo = high ideals, too hard on self, well meaning, sensitive, strong.

I hear you OP. I envy those who've always known what they wanted to do. I have recently been affected by redundancy and it's hit me hard. I didn't think that job was my dream job or anything but it put food on the table and my colleagues were lovely. I don't know what else to say except stay strong and you're not alone. Is there a course or anything that you'd like to do in the meantime?

Yes... until v recently. Just found what I want to do, after four big jobs (each 5+ yrs long, but none a career). It was a big deep breath and take a leap of faith moment. I felt useless and out of place until I found what I'm training in now. You have my sympathy and respect - I don't have a disability to take into account, just itchy feet and a bit aimless by nature!

Are you in anyway Creative? What did you enjoy doing as a child? I loved reading and writing more than anything but drifted away from writing as I got older and was pushed towards more "sensible" academic options. I too got caught up in wanting a high powered "career" and aimed towards that.

From my first day on my first graduate job I hated it. The corporate bullshit, the nonsense of office politics, the pointlessness of everyone pretending like any of it actually mattered. I tried a few different things over that decade hoping I'd stumble across something I'd enjoy but no, it just wasn't for me. It was stressful and completely unfulfilling.

Then I stumbled back to my childhood pursuits while on maternity and it finally clicked. I need to be doing something creative. I took the plunge and have made a career out of it now but it doesn't feel like a "career" it feels like a vocation. It's just doing something that I always loved and I find complete fulfillment in it.

I could’ve written your post OP. I am autistic and that certainly doesn’t help things

Yes me! Well sort of!
I have worked in the same sector (care) since leaving school. But I never really settled in one job. Partly because family were pressuring me to get a 'real' job. But also because I found being employed and tied down really hard. I have struggled with chronic pain and fatigue as well as depression and anxiety from my early teens. I didn't stay in any job for more than a couple of years.
Things came to a head two years ago and I was dismissed due to my poor attendance at work due to my health. I was working for the nhs 111 at the time and they treated me appallingly. Following this I had a complete breakdown. After I had recovered I sat down and looked at what I wanted and what would make me happy. I realised I needed more control over my life so I went self employed. It was tough going and financially it was scary. But nearly 2 years on I have never been happier. I have a good bunch of clients and I get to enjoy the work I do and be paid a reasonable wage.

Self employment isn't for everyone but it has been life changing for me

I never feel good enough in the jobs that I do. But I've come to realise that it's all in my head....... I need counselling not another change of workplace.

OP yes I feel this way. I've had hundreds of jobs and liked none.
No answers. But 20 more years stings somewhat.

OP it might be worth trying to unpick why you have always wanted a good career. What is it about a career that you are thinking about? Is it about money, or a sense of achievement, or maybe someone you admired as a child with a career.
When I've worked for really exciting companies but in a role that I haven't enjoyed, I find myself telling people about the company I work for, not what I actually do. I think because it sounds more interesting. But if I don't enjoy the actual job, there is no point in working for an exciting leading edge company, however it sounds to others.
I'm not sure I'm explaining this clearly, but I think a lot of it is about letting go of what we think we ought to be doing and not trying to fit in a role.
I think the idea of a linear career is becoming a bit outdated and many people have more of a patchwork career anyway, doing what fits their life and circumstances in chunks.
Also, you mention your business like it is just an aside. Not many people run their own businesses alongside other work, so really you must have a great skill there. Sorry that it's suffering at the moment.
Of course there is a point to you.

I hear you OP - I have ADHD and it's been an uphill battle to find something I can do, feel supported in, that has flexibility and makes me happy. It doesn't make you a shit person, it means that the working world is not set up ideally for everyone. You're not alone.

Practically speaking, I'm working towards being entirely self-employed eventually - that's the best thing for me and I think for many other people who struggle with a traditional workplace setting. Covid won't last forever, so hopefully your business will be back in the swing of things by the end of the year.

OP, you don't say what your disabilities are, but if you have MH issues, ADD, ADHD or ASD then being an employee might not suit you ever. Not your fault, nor any sign of weakness in you. Just - that's not the work-set up in which you thrive. It doesn't mean you won't find your niche.

You say you had your own business that worked well until Covid. That proves you do have a positive working structure that you can make a living from. It's not second best - it's right for you. Start with that.

I have worked for myself for decades, most of the time (occasionally done contracts which involve working in client offices with a team but don't especially enjoy this side of things.)

You might work best entirely on your own, at your own pace. You can start work at six am, knock off at 10am and walk, exercise, do our own thing and then restart in the afternoon. Or start at midday if you are a late riser. You can stop for a nap if you're shattered. You can scale right back if disability means you can barely work, but take on more projects when you know you're on form or need to earn extra for some big outlay like a holiday or furniture. You can book time off in advance whenever you want.

It's taken me years to realise this isn't a sign on personal weakness or social failing. It's just how I operate best. No shame at all.

@Labobo great post.

I think a huge part of a getting a good career is just down to luck.

Hi OP, sorry to hear how down you're feeling.

Can you tell us more about the role you interviewed for, and the other role that the company has asked you to discuss? If you've had a second round interview with them that's a really positive sign, and it may be that they feel they can help you upskill / fill in any skills gaps that they identified during the interview process?

Also, I work in events so I feel your pain about where that industry is at the moment! Event coordinators and managers do have lots of transferrable skills so although there may not be lots of (any?!) event work at the moment, it may be that you can re-direct those skills somewhere else even if just for the short / medium term?

Amazing sunhoop - I can relate!

Can I ask what you do? x