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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel to fly off the handle at GP tomorrow?

134 replies

Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 20:30

This might be really long winded.

My DS is 10, he has since about age 3 always had issues around food. He is extremely fussy, there is little he likes & what he does like he eventually goes off of to the point I am running out of options for food. My younger son eats bigger meals than he does & he is 5! Ds1 eats maybe about 3/4 mouthfuls of a meal before he says he is finished. It's gotten to the point he hardly even eats crisps & told me yesterday that chocolate is too chocolaty!!

I have since he was 3 been back & fourth to the GP voicing my concerns about his weight, the lack of food he eats ect. I have been told by multiple Dr's that it isn't an concern cos I am slim?! & to just give him the food he wants!!! I am slim yes, infact I have spent a good part of my life underweight, the difference being is that I have a chronic health condition, something my son doesn't have as I was born with it & my DS was tested for it at birth & to tell me to just feed him what he wants is all good & well but it is so now so limited & the amount is awful! He can be sat for 45 minutes & his plate looks untouched, even the way he eats his food I find odd. It is tiny bites or forkfuls. For instance this evening he had meatballs & to eat one meatball he probably took 6 little bites until it was gone?!

He is in the middle of being assessed for possible things like ADHD, I voiced my concerns to the people we see for that & they said although he is underweight he doesn't meet the threshold yet for any dietician intervention this was just before the first lockdown last March.

I literally feel like screaming at the GP!! I am so concerned for his health. It keeps me awake at night. He is as pale as they come & he is literally skin & bone. His clothes hang off of him, I have started to notice he is becoming alot shorter than his peers at school where I now think its effecting his growth. I don't remember the last time I had to buy him new clothes cos he's grown out of them, I literally buy him new stuff cos his older stuff is looking worn!

I am again going to contact my GP tomorrow saying I have weighed him recently yet again he has lost weight. (2nd centile)

I have tried talking to my son multiple times as to what is it that he struggles with when it comes to food & he just shrugs at me & looks at me as though it's going in one ear & out the other. I literally feel at my wits end that nobody will help me & I am so concerned about his health.

OP posts:
zzizzer · 22/02/2021 20:37

Flowers that all sounds so difficult.

I wonder (and this is not a nice thought) would it make a difference if your DH went to the doctor instead? Sadly there's a thing where women and mums are often disregarded.

Meanwhile I'm autistic and my mum had similar issues with me. She gave me a lot of protein milkshakes - is there any chance your son would drink those?

Does he like ice cream? Frozen food can have less of a taste and a nicer texture, you could try frozen banana mash, or again frozen protein shakes or even something like Huel?

Mrsbclinton · 22/02/2021 20:37

That most be so worrying & frustrating for you.

Could you ask the doctor about nutritional shakes if he would take them they might build him up a bit or recommend a good tonic to meet his nutritional requirements.

I have a very fussy eater, however for her she just eats the same foods. Its very hard to deal with & I worry about her growth.

Hamsandwich2 · 22/02/2021 20:41

Write a food diary, and get his nutritional bloods checked if he is that pale. DS has deficiencies and it’s important I keep on top of them - paed and GP both dismissive of fhem.

When his bloods come back request a referal to a dietician.

Is he under cahms or community paeds? Surprised if it’s the other as there’s no way they’ll offer medication when he is under weight.

ChazP · 22/02/2021 20:44

Could you keep a really detailed food diary? If possible maybe even weigh how much food he’s actually eaten?

I would definitely push and push for a referral to a dietician or someone qualified to deal with childhood eating issues.

Hankunamatata · 22/02/2021 20:47

Have you tried PaediaSure milkshakes?
Is he taking good multivitamin everyday? Its not unusual for asd/adhd kids to have food issues.

Princessbanana · 22/02/2021 20:49

I would be supplementing his diet vitamins. What is it you want the doctor to do? Maybe he could refer him to a dietitian?

MrsMercedes · 22/02/2021 20:50

tabu to fly off the handle at anyone....don't you think those working with the public have had enough of that behaviour!? they are people too

Original poster
Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 20:53

@Hamsandwich2

Write a food diary, and get his nutritional bloods checked if he is that pale. DS has deficiencies and it’s important I keep on top of them - paed and GP both dismissive of fhem.

When his bloods come back request a referal to a dietician.

Is he under cahms or community paeds? Surprised if it’s the other as there’s no way they’ll offer medication when he is under weight.

I do have a food diary for him as I myself like to see what he has eaten as some days it'll be more than others & the food he does eat more of I will try give a bit more often. Can I just request for the GP to do these bloods for me?

He is under cahms & has been for some time now. Whenever they weigh him I am told he doesn't meet the threshold for any input as of yet.

I just think surely as this has been going on since he was 3 someone would listen to me about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 20:56

@Princessbanana

I would be supplementing his diet vitamins. What is it you want the doctor to do? Maybe he could refer him to a dietitian?
I already give him vitamins. I want the Dr's to help me help him. They won't refer him to a dietician as when they last weighed him he didn't meet the weight they'd refer at.
OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/02/2021 20:57

God this reminds me of my nephew.
He ate nothing but the inside of crusty white bread and was skin and bone as a 6/7 year old. The nutritionist just didn't believe my sister's food diary.
In the end she went private. I think she had a lot of different things going on in the end. He was autistic but he did widen his choices as he got older and is now a strapping 22 year old.

Advic3Pl3as3 · 22/02/2021 21:00

Sounds like he might need assessment for avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID).

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/arfid

nitsandwormsdodger · 22/02/2021 21:01

We give our daughter complain milkshakes with meals that adds a 300 calories and were told to add cream and butter whether we could

45 mins for a meal sounds v long I would stop that and lighten tup and stop the conversations about it too, keep it all easy breezy

Sensory issues maybe ?

Original poster
Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 21:02

@MrsMercedes

tabu to fly off the handle at anyone....don't you think those working with the public have had enough of that behaviour!? they are people too
I am sure if it was your DC who has done nothing but have issues around food since they were 3 & has constantly lost weight & is now running out of foods they'll even touch you would be worried about them & frustrated that over the last 7 years next to nothing has been done to help?! As I said, I have spent alot of my life underweight due to a health condition. I have been hospitalised because of it, needed feeding tubes stuck up my nose & one surgically put into my stomach just to help me maintain a healthy weight to keep me alive. So when I have been on the receiving end of the effects of being underweight, I think I am within my rights to be worried for my sons health & annoyed at the GP.
OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 22/02/2021 21:02

... I'm sure you are not serious about screaming st your GP?
They don't deserve that

Punxsutawney · 22/02/2021 21:03

I understand your frustrations. I've been trying to get help for my Ds for a couple of years and it's a struggle

He is autistic and severely underweight and it's a really hard to get anyone to help. He's now below the 1st centile and under CAMHS for anxiety and depression but the eating disorders team won't support him as they think he may have ARFID and they don't deal with that. He is now going to be getting some support from the OT children's therapy team for sensory issues around food, so we are hopeful that might help. Ds saw a dietitian for a one off appointment about a year ago and he's lost 8kg since then, so we may need to ask to be referred again.

Original poster
Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 21:03

[quote Advic3Pl3as3]Sounds like he might need assessment for avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID).

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/arfid[/quote]
Thank you will have a read of this.

OP posts:
HelloDaisy · 22/02/2021 21:04

Ask GP if they will do the bloods so you can check all is good. Explain that you are worried as his diet is more restrictive than before and that he’s not thriving.

Perhaps ask then to refer you to a dietitian so they can evaluate his diet and work with him to widen his choices.

Have you looked up ARFID? I only ask as somebody on here mentioned it on another thread recently and as I haven’t heard of it before I googled it. My friend’s dd has always been severely “fussy” about what she will eat and it’s been a constant concern and she fits that description completely. Maybe worth looking it up...

Ttbhappy · 22/02/2021 21:04

My son is 5 and has exactly the same problems as your son. My ds is 2nd centile for height and weight. I was lucky enough to be able to go private and have seen a paediatrician and dietician he had countless tests to determine if there was any underlying conditions ranging from cystic fibrosis to diary intolerance alas they all came back negative. After 18 months I am no further to knowing. The paediatrician has recommended protein shakes as apart from improving diet there is nothing else they can do. Diet is awful but he only eats very slowly and certain foods and portion are tiny. Experts thought it might be behaviour issues with food but I am not to sure. Don’t know if this helps but just wanted to say there is someone else going through this 😀

Original poster
Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 21:06

@nitsandwormsdodger

... I'm sure you are not serious about screaming st your GP? They don't deserve that
I would not outrightly scream at the GP no obviously not 🙄 But I am at my wits end with them. I don't understand why theu won't help.
OP posts:
Feetupteashot · 22/02/2021 21:06

OP if you are very worried why not go to see a dietician privately?

You've been told multiple times that your son does not meet NHS criteria for referral and NHS resources are limited. you are obviously very worried yet you know he doesn't have your condition

loobylou10 · 22/02/2021 21:08

My nephew has ARFID and is just like this. My sister spoke exactly like you - no one took them seriously until he became seriously underweight as a 14 year old (it had been a problem for many years by then). Push for a referral

Original poster
Mummaofboys93 · 22/02/2021 21:11

@Ttbhappy

My son is 5 and has exactly the same problems as your son. My ds is 2nd centile for height and weight. I was lucky enough to be able to go private and have seen a paediatrician and dietician he had countless tests to determine if there was any underlying conditions ranging from cystic fibrosis to diary intolerance alas they all came back negative. After 18 months I am no further to knowing. The paediatrician has recommended protein shakes as apart from improving diet there is nothing else they can do. Diet is awful but he only eats very slowly and certain foods and portion are tiny. Experts thought it might be behaviour issues with food but I am not to sure. Don’t know if this helps but just wanted to say there is someone else going through this 😀
I have Cystic Fibrosis, he has been tested for that but it was ruled out. I could look into going private. I just honestly thought as it's gone on for so long & he's done nothing but lose weight they'd help. But I feel at a lost end. I do give him supplements but he gags at drinking them now. They was great at first as he enjoyed them biy like everything he goes off it. It is nice to know I am not alone, although I am sorry that you're also going through it as I know it is such a worry.
OP posts:
The3Ls · 22/02/2021 21:12

I am a speech and language therapist and we would support a child with adversions like this. Most GPs don't even understand it's part of our role so maybe request a "speech and language feeding assessment" he has inadequate nutrition without augmentation - like you had with your feeding tubes

dontforgetbilly · 22/02/2021 21:16

Rather than fly off the handle consider what you want your doctor to do. If he doesn't meet the threshold for a dietitian referral then even if he put one through it would likely be rejected. Can you afford private sessions? What are you expecting a dietitian to be able to do/can they do this?
I was like this as a child and remember how miserable I was and everyone around me was. I tried to eat varied foods and larger amounts but I couldn't physically swallow a lot of foods or handle normal sized portions. The best thing my mum did was make sure there was always food available so I could eat little and often, and not make a big deal of it- I would become nervous and so nauseous near meal times before she became more relaxed.
Now I am 35 I still can go days eating very little, I only eat if I am hungry and if I don't eat when I feel hungry the sensation goes away

FiFia · 22/02/2021 21:16

@HelloDaisy

Ask GP if they will do the bloods so you can check all is good. Explain that you are worried as his diet is more restrictive than before and that he’s not thriving.

Perhaps ask then to refer you to a dietitian so they can evaluate his diet and work with him to widen his choices.

Have you looked up ARFID? I only ask as somebody on here mentioned it on another thread recently and as I haven’t heard of it before I googled it. My friend’s dd has always been severely “fussy” about what she will eat and it’s been a constant concern and she fits that description completely. Maybe worth looking it up...

I second this. Check bloods. There was a story of a young boy who had severe vitamin deficiencies & ended up with long term health conditions