BF doesn't respond to negative discussions.

[GeometricTower]

We're in our early 20s and every negative discussion ends up with me feeling like a monster, even if I fully agree with what I'm saying. He ends up either saying nothing or saying 'I don't know what to say' whenever anything negative is said.

We 're currently in the midst just had a 'discussion' about our flatmate leaving several appliances on then going out, and I asked my BF to speak to him about it after we agreed it was a fire hazard (I'm not in our flat atm so can't speak to him). He hates confrontation and won't say anything to him, and instead sent me a .

Really? I told him that our communication is terrible and again he said he didn't know what to say.

Communication is so important to me, and we're already a year into the relationship. I feel so lost. I can never bring up discussions like this without them being dismissed or ignored and I'm not sure I want another year of this.

Thoughts?

I guess, for me, it would depend on the reasons why he could be like this, and whether he wants to actually do something about it. I have always had massive problems with confrontation and standing up for myself because of the way I was raised. I was raised to be a people pleaser, and to basically never say or do anything that could upset someone else – even if it meant I was upset. It has taken me years to unlearn this behaviour. Has your DP had issues from childhood? Did he learn as a child to keep quiet and not rock the boat? Does he ‘not know what to say’ to you because he doesn’t want to upset you? In his mind, does a discussion lead to an argument? And is he trying to overcome this? Or - can he just not be bothered to get involved in any discussions, can he not be bothered to deal with issues with other people? Either way, you need to work out whether you are prepared to be the one who has to sort every single issue in the future… Problem with a tradesperson? You will have to sort it. Problem with the neighbour? You will have to sort it. Problem with the insurance company?… You get the picture.

You want to spend your life being the mum in the relationship?

On the one hand I agree with the PP that you are going to have to be the 'bad cop' from now on and if you don't want that then it's going to grate.

On the other hand, DH and I are both assertive and confrontational and that can be pretty exhausting too. Maybe a softie/ toughie combination could work out quite nicely?