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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's quite common to do this and it's not unreasonable?

232 replies

YuHu · 20/02/2021 20:49

To go on maternity leave (and take the full amount) knowing full well you won't be going back without telling work until you have to give notice before you're supposed to be returning?

This is what I am doing at the moment, mid way through my maternity leave and I do not intend to return but won't be informing work until I legally have to.

My main reason for this is to safeguard myself in case the situation changes, I think it's far more sensible, even if you think you won't be returning, to not actually make it known until the end.

OP posts:
Shrivelled · 20/02/2021 23:12

I was told by my HR manager to wait until I legally needed to to confirm if I didn’t want to come back. She said in case I changed my mind. Really pleased I followed her advice as I did change my mind and returned to work 9 months into mat leave after thinking I’d never go back.

ancientgran · 20/02/2021 23:13

@Shrivelled

I was told by my HR manager to wait until I legally needed to to confirm if I didn’t want to come back. She said in case I changed my mind. Really pleased I followed her advice as I did change my mind and returned to work 9 months into mat leave after thinking I’d never go back.
That might have been me! I've given that advice to many women.
MrsJBaptiste · 20/02/2021 23:15

It might be discrimination (I'm not an employer) but this would just really get to me. Hand your notice in if you're not returning to work, don't fanny about in an attempt to get more maternity pay.

percheron67 · 20/02/2021 23:18

I think it i dreadful and dishonest. I would not be able to sleep at night if I cheated someone like this.

Original poster
YuHu · 20/02/2021 23:19

@MrsJBaptiste

It might be discrimination (I'm not an employer) but this would just really get to me. Hand your notice in if you're not returning to work, don't fanny about in an attempt to get more maternity pay.
I'd still get maternity allowance anyway.

It's an attempt to safeguard myself in case, I don't know, DH loses his job next month and I have to go back to work or any other of the huge range of things that could possibly happen between now and then.

OP posts:
Original poster
YuHu · 20/02/2021 23:20

@percheron67

I think it i dreadful and dishonest. I would not be able to sleep at night if I cheated someone like this.
Genuine question though, who is it that's been cheated and in what way?
OP posts:
nestlestealswater · 20/02/2021 23:20

It's totally fine, take what you're entitled to. You never know, circumstances might change and you might even want to go back. It's good to keep your options open. As the saying goes, if you went under a bus, your job would be posted online before your obituary. You don't owe them anything.

2020nymph · 20/02/2021 23:24

@ScrapThatThen

You have to safeguard your own best interests within the law because no one else will.

This. I've been screwed over twice whilst on maternity, protect yourself.

EmJay19 · 20/02/2021 23:26

@MrsJBaptiste and how exactly do you expect the world to procreate??

Usagi12 · 20/02/2021 23:28

You don't know what will happen over the next year. Keep your options open, there's no need to tell them yet so don't

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/02/2021 23:31

@percheron67

I think it i dreadful and dishonest. I would not be able to sleep at night if I cheated someone like this.
What, by giving the contractually agreed notice period like anyone else would when leaving a job?

You do realise that the maternity pay helps enable children to be safely taken care of. The future workforce? The workforce who will almost all pay taxes that contribute to society functioning?

Level32 · 20/02/2021 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HauntedPencil · 20/02/2021 23:33

@percheron67

I think it i dreadful and dishonest. I would not be able to sleep at night if I cheated someone like this.
Sorry this is nonsense no one is being badly treated. OP will give as much notice as any other employee

SMP is all that's being paid.

So melodramatic

GivenchyDahhling · 20/02/2021 23:34

Yep, definitely not unreasonable. And now I’m a line manager of a couple of dozen people, 6 or 7 of them possibly/likely going to be going on maternity leave in the next couple of years, I would always take what they say with a pinch of salt and definitely not begrudge them handing notice in at the last minute - because I’m fully prepared for that possibility.

ProfessorPootle · 20/02/2021 23:38

I did this too. My work had an enhanced mat leave scheme but I told them I was undecided about returning so didn’t get the extra money. If I’d returned for a few months would have got it then but as I didn’t there was no money to pay back.

BackforGood · 20/02/2021 23:50

But would you expect someone who was thinking of maybe looking around for another job in the next year or so to tell their employer that? Because I don't understand why women on mat leave are held to a higher standard than any other employee who might want to change jobs?

That's not what is being suggested.
If an employee gets a new job - or resigns for any reason - then they need to give the contracted notice, be that 4 weeks or 3 months or whatever their contract is. So the company has 4 weeks / 3 months notice of the fact they will be without that person.
If the person hasn't been there for 10 months or whatever they have taken before that time, then it is very different.
Now, as I said before, I 100% agree with the advice that you shouldn't put your resignation in until you need to. Sadly, there are all sorts of things that can go wrong, plus, some new Mums feel very different from what they think they might want to do before it is a reality. However I still think it can be helpful to the employer to have knowledge of the intention if the employee is planning not to return. They will know it isn't confirmed and they will know the employee might change their mind, for whatever reason, but I go through life thinking why not be helpful if you are able? How does it hurt ? Why wouldn't I ?

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 20/02/2021 23:50

I honestly think this is a bit shit. Colleagues have to cover for mat leave, which is fine, but if you didn’t intend to come back they could look to get a permanent replacement and save teammates having to work extra hours to cover. I personally would always want to be honest upfront

tcjotm · 20/02/2021 23:52

Maternity leave is disruptive to employers but that’s just too bad - it’s the price we pay for the diversity of skills and experience we get from woman of all ages being in the workforce (and for making future little tax payers).

And it’s not like OP is planning on not returning from a skiing trip next week. She doesn’t know what the future holds any more than her employer and is keeping her options open. I’m in HR and I always recommend this to people.

Original poster
YuHu · 20/02/2021 23:57

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7

I honestly think this is a bit shit. Colleagues have to cover for mat leave, which is fine, but if you didn’t intend to come back they could look to get a permanent replacement and save teammates having to work extra hours to cover. I personally would always want to be honest upfront
And if your DH later lost his job during your mat leave and you needed to rescind your notice but your employer refused because they'd hired a replacement already, what would you do?
OP posts:
Original poster
YuHu · 20/02/2021 23:59

How does it hurt ? Why wouldn't I ?

Perhaps some employers wouldn't let this affect their professional relationship with you but I have worked for some employers myself over the years who I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable informing them of my possible intention of leaving before I'd actually decided to leave. It very much can hurt if you don't have a decent employer imo.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 21/02/2021 00:00

Well, that is a risk the employer (and new employee) gambles on.
But, they can make an informed calculation of risk.
You aren't resigning, you are sharing your hope, that, if everything goes to plan, you intend, at that point, to resign.

BackforGood · 21/02/2021 00:00

x posted, was answering your post before last.

Donoteatthekittens · 21/02/2021 00:03

@MrsJBaptiste

FFS some of these replies... entitled much...?

If I was an employer, I'd go out of my way not to hire women who might get pregnant. Talk about taking the piss...

Good job you aren’t an employer then isn’t it!
Viviennemary · 21/02/2021 00:04

I think that's fine. What I don't think is fine is to go through a lengthy recruitment process, accept the job and then go off on leave.

Original poster
YuHu · 21/02/2021 00:05

@BackforGood

Well, that is a risk the employer (and new employee) gambles on. But, they can make an informed calculation of risk. You aren't resigning, you are sharing your hope, that, if everything goes to plan, you intend, at that point, to resign.
I'm not convinced that it's sensible to always share your hope to leave your job with your employer. It very much depends on the employer I'd think.

I think it's a bit odd that people think it's more reasonable to say to your boss 'oh by the way if things go to plan, I hope to not work here anymore'.

How are they supposed to hire any sort of meaningful replacement based on someone saying they might leave in a year but not actually resigning? If they are the type of company who'd then hire maternity cover based on that, I'd assume they would have done so anyway whether or not they were aware I may or may not return.

OP posts: