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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my 17 year old what time to turn his Xbox off??

20 replies

goldface · 20/02/2021 18:08

I have a lovely 17 year old DS and obviously I’m aware of how hard life is for him and how important his social contacts are. However he has been on his Xbox lots this week and has been staying up v late on it. This has led to him looking knackered and being stroppy and arsey with the rest of the family. I’ve explained to him that if he could turn it off at a reasonable time and be pleasant to be around then I’d be ok with him moderating his own screen time but that if he can’t then I have to? He says IABU and that he should be able to stay on it as long as he wants especially as it’s the last night of half term. He has already had three hours on it and if left to his own devices would stay on it for a couple more, have tea and watch some tv with us and then stay back on til 3/4 am?
What do you lot think/do?

OP posts:

AlmostAJillSandwich · 20/02/2021 18:13

He's 17, i'm with him on this one.

Original poster

goldface · 20/02/2021 18:15

I really think at 17 it should be up to him too? But honestly he has been so vile to everyone and looks like death
If he wasn’t so rude to everyone I wouldn’t care what time it went off?

OP posts:

Sweettea1 · 20/02/2021 18:16

17 Nearly a grown man leave him to it.

TeeBee · 20/02/2021 18:17

3am?? No way, that's not good for him. I kick my 16-year old off around midnight because we all have to get up for work and him knocking around, talking and using the bathroom disturbs everyone. Living in a home is not just about them. There's everyone to consider. If he's not being pleasant to his family, he needs to self-regulate or someone needs to put down some groundrules that makes the home a pleasant place to be.

Frozenintime · 20/02/2021 18:17

It's your house. You can turn off the wi fi when you want to. Don't feel guilty. You are helping his health and wellbeing by turning it off at a reasonable time. And surely it will be disturbing you ?

Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2021 18:19

I'd leave him to it as well. When mine were 17 they were often stroppy and arsey regardless.
Is he doing A levels?

Original poster

goldface · 20/02/2021 18:21

Yes he’s at 6th form doing a levels

I don’t want to have to control it cos I really think at 17 it should be him that manages it but I just can’t tolerate how he behaves?
He can be a bit arsey generally as per lots of teens but when he is knackered from screen time it’s a different level altogether....

OP posts:

Sally872 · 20/02/2021 18:26

I would concentrate on the vile behaviour. He can't be horrible to others, I am not sure what consequences you can give a 17 year old though. It is a tough one.

ludothedog · 20/02/2021 18:31

No I wouldn't. I would however continue to speak to him about his attitude to you.

PotteringAlong · 20/02/2021 18:32

I would turn the wifi off. If he wants free access for all hours he can be civil.

Emmelina · 20/02/2021 18:33

It’s a tough age. He’s plenty old enough to understand the lack of sleep will affect his mood, so I think you should talk to him about that before he goes back on (so he isn’t yet wound-up with the adrenalin of the game). I think I would only enforce time limits/bans at that age if it affects his schoolwork or if he’s severely rude (you’ll know what the threshold is for that in your house!). He’s clearly a bright kid if he’s chosen to go on to A levels, so he has a future plan in mind. He needs to realIse this can and will be affected if he doesn’t switch off earlier!

TillyTopper · 20/02/2021 18:36

I have two 19 yo DS. They have been in charge of what time they go to bed and how much they study or Xbox since they were 16.It has happened they have been rude due to lack of sleep - I have told them that if they want to continue to stay here and game when they want then they must be civil. The found out one night that I won't argue about it, I just took the fuse to the router out.

mathanxiety · 20/02/2021 18:37

Just tackle the horrible attitude.

Linking it to xbox use isn't going to get you anywhere with him.

mathanxiety · 20/02/2021 18:41

I'm sure he isn't being arsey with his friends. Tell him you are no longer going to tolerate being taken for granted.

Does he pull his weight around the house? Plan and cook a meal for the family once a week and clean up afterwards? Do his own laundry from collecting dirty clothes to washing, through drying, ironing/ folding and putting away? Put out the bin? Hoover? Mop floors?

nicknamehelp · 20/02/2021 18:41

I think its partly his age and partly the fact he's not doing what a 17 year old wants to be stuck at home?

HeckyPeck · 20/02/2021 18:43

If he's not being pleasant to his family, he needs to self-regulate or someone needs to put down some groundrules that makes the home a pleasant place to be.

Agreed. I'd speak to him again today and say if he's rude to the rest of the family or it is affecting his wellbeing, you'll be turning the WiFi off/taking the controller away at a set time.

I'm not sure how long teens need to sleep for but I'd look that up and work out the time for it to go off from there.

katieloves · 20/02/2021 18:46

I kick my 16 and 14 year old off their gaming when I go to bed (11ish at weekend, earlier during the week). The 16 year old is allowed to keep his phone, the 14 year old isn’t (until she’s 16).

Kroptopbelly · 20/02/2021 18:49

I do tell my 17 year old yes.
Weekdays he has to be off by 11.30 as he has to be up at 6am for work. He is no way on Gods green earth jeopardising his job nor going to work exhausted due to health & safety.
Weekends he sometimes does all nighters, but only Friday or Saturday nights.
He is noisy, talks and is in and out for food & toilets so disturbing us all.

It’s for his and our own good.
I get very little argument because I’m right and he knows it.

MrsJBaptiste · 20/02/2021 20:52

I'd usually say leave them to it but after getting up at 3am this morning to tell DS (16) to get off the bloody PS4, I think that sometimes they need telling!

He slept in late (I think, I'd gone out) but hasn't been awful today so I'll let him off. Tonight will be earlier though as I'm bloody knackered from being woken at 3am by his chatting!

NovemberR · 20/02/2021 21:12

I'd usually say leave them to it but after getting up at 3am this morning to tell DS (16) to get off the bloody PS4, I think that sometimes they need telling!

This has come at a good time for me! I'm reading opinions with interest. I, too, got up at 3am this morning to bollock the (almost) 16 year old who was on his XBox. He has headphones on, is playing with mates and is often shouting far too loudly.

I'm considering turning the wifi off at midnight. It feels a bit mean as it's the end of half term and it will definitely be off by then once lessons are back on next week.

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