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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed that I've my request to work 3.5 days returning from mat leave has been rejected.

68 replies

CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 09:40

I know it's not a big deal in the scheme of things, but my manager had been leading me to believe this was a perfectly acceptable request to make when I return in the Spring. DD will be in nursery 3 days a week, and DP will be looking after her other half/now full day. It's fine, sure she'll be happy at nursery - I just really wanted an extra afternoon with her while she's still pretty small and cute (They can have her when she turns full raging toddler 😏).
It just seems slightly petty, this extra 3.5 hours. I'm planning to work longer hours on my 3 full days to try to hang onto that half day... am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Lemons1571 · 20/02/2021 11:07

Definitely counter offer. I went back on 4 days when 3 days pw was rejected. Should’ve challenged it. Trouble is, the employer didn’t adjust the workload from full time to 4 days, so i basically had to do a full time role in 4 days. Whereas with a 3 day pw role, the employer would be seen as unreasonable to expect ft output.

This was ages ago when there was less pt working in my sector in general.

LadyGAgain · 20/02/2021 11:11

Offer to do 1 hr 10 mins more on 3 days?

Fullofthejoysofspring · 20/02/2021 11:12

Speaking from experience - that half day would likely turn out to be the most stressful day of the week for you. I found it very difficult to manage work and childcare deadlines on my half day as I felt I was leaving things half done at work and rushing around like a maniac.

m0therofdragons · 20/02/2021 11:13

Recently I had a request from a returning colleague to reduce hours by half a day. She was already doing 3 days and on the other 2 days I was struggling as had to do my job and cover her role (her initial reduction of hours was at a time when we had an extra full time person so it worked but that person left and we weren’t allowed to fill the time due to cuts). She felt it was unfair I said no as it was only 2.5 hours. From my point of view as her manager I was going to have 2 full days and a part day covering her work as it’s not the type of job that can wait. I did spend ages trying to make cut work but knowing the added stress it would burden me with, I felt I had to say no. I know she’s still resentful and thinks I’m anti mums working (she told a colleague this in an email). For info, I have 3 dc at primary and secondary and have always worked so that feels unrealistic.

Osirus · 20/02/2021 11:15

When I went back I only did two half days - and it was stressful trying to get everything done by the end of the half day.

I’d try to fit the hours in 3 days; those first few years are so precious and you will regret it. If my work had allowed my 12 hours, I would have just not gone back. My daughter’s four now and I’ve only increased to 15 hours. Once they’ve passed, those days are gone forever.

NaughtipussMaximus · 20/02/2021 11:16

Sorry to hear this, OP. I work in a large female-dominated industry and up until recently many women came back to 3 or 3.5 days, but just recently senior management have pushed back and insisted on for 4 days minimum. In our case, we think it’s because the senior management has become more US-based in composition. I do have a colleague who negotiated 3.5 days for the first year after her return, going up to 4 days after this. Could you suggest this?

AramintaLee · 20/02/2021 11:16

As PP have said, I can't see how you can't just do 28 hours over 3.5 days. Working 8 hour days 3 times a week isn't exactly a hardship.

Osirus · 20/02/2021 11:17

*if my work HADN’T allowed my 12 hours, that should say!

Usagi12 · 20/02/2021 11:19

What reason did they give you for refusing it? There are only a limited number of reasons they're allowed to refuse this request and they should have given you that in writing. It's hard to tell if YABU without knowing why they've refused really.

Racoonworld · 20/02/2021 11:23

I don’t understand, 28 hours is 3.5 days isn’t it? So you’ve got what you wanted? Or did you want 3 days/24 hrs?

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 11:25

There wasn't a reason given really, 'On reflection and consideration I would like to propose that the minimum cover for the work needed in this role is 28hrs per week (4 days)'

OP posts:
Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 11:27

Everyone's right, I'm being dumb - I'll work extra hours on my full days. We're required to take 1 hour lunchbreaks, but I might request reducing that to 30 mins

OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 20/02/2021 11:28

@Racoonworld

I don’t understand, 28 hours is 3.5 days isn’t it? So you’ve got what you wanted? Or did you want 3 days/24 hrs?
Not if OP has an hour unpaid lunch everyday.

For many people, three days = 21 hours. Four days = 28. Five days = 35 hours paid. Add in 5 hours (an hour a day) on lunch breaks, and you have your 40 hour week.

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 11:30

I'd love to fit it all into 3 days, but also fear how long they'll be (wimp). Ideally, I want to look after DD 2 full days a week. I'm already worried about the settling in period, as neither of us are allowed in with her obviously... I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine, but I can't help feeling upset at the prospect. In an ideal world I don't think I'd go back for another 6 months or so

OP posts:
Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 11:34

@sunflowersandbuttercups Yup, that's it!

OP posts:
Racoonworld · 20/02/2021 11:34

@sunflowersandbuttercups I didn’t realise that, full time at my work is 40 hours plus unpaid lunch break on top of that so just assumed everywhere was the same.

In that case op I would ask to to do compressed hours, work three long days and one half day. They should hopefully approve that if it’s the hours they’re concerned about. And then you get your 3.5 days but paid more too!

Hardbackwriter · 20/02/2021 11:35

@CassandrasCastle

Everyone's right, I'm being dumb - I'll work extra hours on my full days. We're required to take 1 hour lunchbreaks, but I might request reducing that to 30 mins
This was the one thing my employer wouldn't consider in flexing/condensing my hours - I still had to have an hour for lunch. They claim that this is for wellbeing reasons; I am reasonably certain it's actually because no one actually takes the full hour so by allowing me to cut my lunch break to 30 minutes they'd be paying me for 30 minutes of work that I already do for free...
Hardbackwriter · 20/02/2021 11:41

I condensed my hours (I do 4.5 days over 4) and it is good in lots of ways but it isn't a perfect solution - I find the evenings pretty stressful trying to get me and DS home and dinner on the table at a reasonable time for a toddler and I do sometimes think how much easier it would be if I finished the hour earlier I would if I didn't work the condensed pattern. But I wouldn't swap it for my day off with DS.

peak2021 · 20/02/2021 11:52

The only thing I would add is which is your half day might make a difference. Don't make it a Friday as that is not necessarily kind to colleagues.

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 11:57

I'm hoping it can be a Thursday half day, with Friday off. Ugh, I hope they do let me away with 30 mins lunch, but we shall see...

OP posts:
Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 11:59

@Hardbackwriter

I condensed my hours (I do 4.5 days over 4) and it is good in lots of ways but it isn't a perfect solution - I find the evenings pretty stressful trying to get me and DS home and dinner on the table at a reasonable time for a toddler and I do sometimes think how much easier it would be if I finished the hour earlier I would if I didn't work the condensed pattern. But I wouldn't swap it for my day off with DS.
Yes, I'm a bit worried about that too :/ Hoping to start at 8, which should give a bit more time (ideal finish time 4.30...🤞), but I can imagine it being pretty stressful. Nursery is 20 min walk away.
OP posts:
Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 12:00

Why is Friday half day not kind to colleagues btw?

OP posts:
WhySoSensitive · 20/02/2021 12:05

I put four different requests in for my return from maternity leave. Verbally they told me they were all fine and that they’d just decide which request worked best.
Then went back on everything we had been discussing and declined all requests and said I could only return on the full time (overnight on calls, weekends full on call etc) that I did before.
I’m now unemployed and can’t find work with it 1hr 30 of where I live.
So I’m feeling ya pain OP.
(More so for the being verbally told one thing and then actually getting another)

SilverGlassHare · 20/02/2021 12:11

My employer wouldn’t let us condense our hours to work fewer days but will let us drop to a 30 minute lunch... they also allow 6 hours without a break if you’re working from home but not if you’re in the office! Their reasoning being that you can always grab a quick sandwich if you’re at home, and you don’t have a commute to factor in as well.

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 20/02/2021 12:11

Oh I'm really sorry @WhySoSensitive, that sounds way harder than my situation! Yeah, I was definitely lulled into a false sense of security... I work in admin for a publishers, and they have just brought 2 more people into our team (my mat cover is being kept on - despite not liking the job, as my manager rather weirdly told meConfused). This seems slightly mad, when cuts are being made elsewhere

OP posts: