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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this strange?

17 replies

Cloud9superstore · 19/02/2021 22:33

Talking in work today with colleagues about one of our colleagues who has been off sick now for a year after having an operation nothing major was told she would be off for 8 weeks max. No one has seen (we live in a small town) or heard from her since only the manager. It feels so strange like she has just disappeared anyone else ever experienced this at work?

OP posts:

Cakeonthefloor · 19/02/2021 22:46

Someone went off work sick and never came back. They were not mentioned again. Boss would change the subject when they were directly asked where they had gone. It was very strange. All their stuff was still as their old desk for years.

CathyTurnbull · 19/02/2021 22:51

Yes I did this in a previous job, I had a minor op and told my manager I’d be off for a few weeks. However in my recovery time I saw things from a very different perspective and decided I didn’t want to return. My colleagues made no effort to contact me to see how I was feeling and I had a moment of realisation. It was at this point in my life I realised just how self absorbed and fake people are.
I just disappeared. Moved house, changed my name and started over. Never looked back

IsThisNews · 19/02/2021 22:51

Not strange against a backdrop of covid. Lots of people shielding, maybe she is one of them.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 19/02/2021 23:02

I just disappeared. Moved house, changed my name and started over. Never looked back

Changed your name? That’s a bit extreme! You didn’t change your sex as well did you?

SomewhereUpMyArse · 19/02/2021 23:07

Aye I think there's been a fair bit of name changing going on.

As for OP, it's not your concern. If you don't know the person well enough to be privy to their personal information then you don't know them well enough and that's that. If it's impacting on your workload by all means discuss how to overcome this with your line manager. Otherwise, I'm not sure why you would think you should be told any more than you are being told. We're not in Communist Russia so I'm sure there's nothing more mysterious behind this other than you have all the information that is appropriate for you to have.

CathyTurnbull · 19/02/2021 23:17

@Ijustknowitstimetogo

I just disappeared. Moved house, changed my name and started over. Never looked back

Changed your name? That’s a bit extreme! You didn’t change your sex as well did you?

No I’m the same sex!

grassisjeweled · 19/02/2021 23:18

Bit odd

Lonelyflower80 · 19/02/2021 23:26

I worked with a chap who had a minor operation and was supposed to be off for about 6 weeks, but it turned into nearly a year due to complications and extra recovery time etc. The difference is that our manager told us what was going on so we were aware. I would find it strange if your colleague had not been in touch with their manager and had completely disappeared, but it sounds like your manager has been in touch with her and therefore is aware of what's going on. Unless you are close to this person and consider them a friend outside of work, I'd not find this strange. I'm a private person and don't have close relationships with my colleagues, so if I had to be off long term for any reason, I'd only be in contact with manager too.

MargaretThursday · 19/02/2021 23:34

If she's had an operation she may well be shielding.

Ds had his appendix out in May. We were told that even if schools opened he shouldn't go back and we should treat him as though he was shielding until September. He was also asked for a flu jab for the first time.

Apparently it's something to do with after abdominal surgery can make breathing difficulties worse. I can't remember, but it was explained to me.

bonfireheart · 20/02/2021 00:11

Colleague was supposed to be off for a few months but turned into year. However, we all kept in contact with her via WhatsApp and phone calls, we did some zoom quizzes that she joined.

LoungeLizardLhama · 20/02/2021 00:19

One of my colleagues had a flakey week missing meetings and not returning phone calls, then had a weeks leave and has now been off around 4 months. We get the odd bit from him on Facebook and our WhatsApp group but other than that we don’t know why he’s off or when he’ll be back. It’s not really any of our business though.
It does feel a bit strange but we’re all respecting his privacy as far as I’m aware.

AubergineDream · 20/02/2021 00:22

Maybe it's a confidential medical reason or they are in psychiatric hospital or rehab?

Carrotcakefiend · 20/02/2021 00:23

When DH was doing his postgrad his supervisor walked out one evening and was never seen again. His department assigned him a new supervisor and no one ever explained or mentioned where the guy had gone. So so weird. Years later this still bothered DH so he spent hours trying to find him on Facebook, find any record of a death. .. nothing.

Sparklesocks · 20/02/2021 00:27

She most likely has health conditions you aren’t aware of. Or maybe they were complications, or she’s been signed off from stress or similar.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 20/02/2021 00:32

I had a routine op - gallbladder - had major complications, was physically unwell for a long time, and my mental health collapsed under it all. Ended up quitting my job, as I just didn’t know when I’d be well enough, and it was a good couple of years before I was able to work again.

HollaHolla · 20/02/2021 00:50

Happened to me a couple of years ago. Expected to be off for 6-8 weeks after a reasonably major op (I’d had a ‘smaller’ version of it a few years previously, and was only off 4 weeks.) I ended up with post-op sepsis, and I found the recovery significantly tougher. I was off 14 weeks in total.
My boss still casts up the ‘you told me you’d only be off for 6 weeks’, and am being made to pay for it, 18 months on.
One thing; I was so hurt that very few people asked how I was. People knew I was going off, and what for. My boss never once asked how I was - and I was threatened with disciplinary action, because I was off longer (all covered by sick lines, and surgeon & GP incredibly supportive.)
Please don’t just sit at home and speculate. If you’re the sort of team who keep in touch, send an email or message, just saying ‘hi - no need to respond, but thinking of you.’
Otherwise, it’s none of your business, but have some sympathy.

dontgobaconmyheart · 20/02/2021 00:57

I don't think it's anyones business but hers really and speculating is both poi tless and judgemental. Operations certainly do not go as planned, nor do all peoppe recover physically or mentally from them, or the infections, lack of mobility, chronic pain, PTSD, negligence resulting in injury that can follow such things.

I think it sounds unfortunate and potentially rather sad than 'odd'.

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