To wonder if my bosses are the problem or if it’s me?

[Newbi]

If this ends up being a drip feed I’m sorry but it’d be a long and boring story otherwise!
Basically I changed my job a year ish ago (stayed in the same large company) because I couldn’t get on with my boss at the time. Micro managing etc (very short version).
For the last year or so I’ve had a boss that’s been the opposite, which originally I loved (I’m happy to work independently and am self motivated).
However, it’s transpired that’s there’s loads of things he should’ve been doing and hasn’t that now directly impact on me and my team. I can obviously escalate it but having not got on with my previous boss I’m feeling a bit insecure (and privately wondering if I’m somehow the issue) I just want to fix it. Help!
AIBU because I’ve had/am having issues with my last two bosses?
Ps If it changes anything I’ve never once had any issues in any previous companies or roles but that’s not conclusive, obv.

So one boss was a nasty bully (micromanagement is a recognised form of bullying) and your latest boss is nice but he dropped the ball and didn't do his job (which he's paid more than you to do).

I'm not trying to be dismissive, but I'm struggling to see why any of that is your fault or why you have to take their burden on your shoulders.

It doesn't sound like it's your fault. No one is perfect and no boss is going to be without their flaws. First one was overly controlling and the next one just sloppy and incompetent.

Thank you!! That’s what my friends are saying but I really don’t want to have to start complaining about my boss again and I have no idea how to manage/address it without being that awkward one/being seen as a liability that no-one wants working for them?

I've had the same experience. One boss who was very good at her job, you could trust her work, and I learned a lot about the job from her BUT she was an absolutely horrible, nasty person. Just one example was that she gave me a massively hard time when I asked to take an hour off during the day (when wfh) for my disabled DD to see a specialist even though I would make up the time that evening. It would have made absolutely no difference to my work output and yet she said I wasn't taking the job seriously to even ask this. This was when my DD was recently diagnosed with a lifelong disability that absolutely devastated me but my boss had zero compassion. For what it's worth I have a strong work ethic and at the same time she was giving me a hard time about this she was telling my colleagues what a hard worker I was, but would never day it to my face!

My next boss was the total opposite. For example, very relaxed and flexible about things like medical appointments/holidays and a much nicer person to talk to, but she is rubbish at her job and very lazy. So in some ways a much more pleasant working environment but on the other hand I spend a lot of time doing a lot more work than I should be doing to make up for her lack of output. And it gets stressful as I am always having to correct her mistakes and suggest all the management changes/decisions that she should be making herself.

I have thought a lot about this and whether I am being too critical but no. Essentially, neither of those managers were ever given any training as managers and both got the job by being at the right place at the right time. I think they are both bad managers in their own way.

I have had good managers in the past but they are few and far between. What makes it worse is that my old horrible boss is the line manager of my new lazy boss so I have no way of escalating anything if I ever needed to!

In terms of escalation, can you speak to your boss directly about it and focus on how it has impacted you? E.g. saying that you have been feeling very stressed recently because of x, y and z. But without being confrontational and saying e.g. "you didn't do this", and instead saying "I found it very stressful when we discovered that x hadn't been completed and therefore we needed to complete x in a very short timeframe" etc. etc.

That’s eerily similar! Except that I probably could raise my current boss as an issue (luckily there’s no overlap on my case) but having done that with the first one and having an awful time of it... I don’t want to and don’t think it will achieve what I’m after.
Hence why I’m stuck and asking mumsnet what to do!

Tricky. If I like them, I've sent diary invite prompts to a manager who was struggling. So make it an event not a meeting so it goes in above the appointments, right next to the Day & date.& Put Deadline for Tesco pitch/appraisals/SWOT report with a reminder a week or few days before. You shouldnt have to but it's a way to still enjoy work & they learn to be more proactive & organised instead of uselessly flapping & achieving feck all.

And I did that yesterday, we had a chat, I (stupidly?) thought it went really well and was all happy reassured I’d been worrying unnecessarily.
Then immediately afterwards he did exactly the same thing again right in front of me. I don’t think he did it deliberately, as you say, he’s just rubbish and lazy so he give my team permission to be the same- which I don’t, so is hugely undermining. And I have not idea where to go from here but I can’t work like that...

Nudging- is that allowed?

I feel the same ! In 2019 I did a job for 6 months and didn't get on with the team leader from the start. It ended in her bullying and humiliating me over nothing and I had a mini breakdown and left just before six month probation ended. I went back to my old job and at first it was great, felt comfortable and I was so pleased my old boss had given me my job back. However that is rapidly turning sour and I don't see eye to eye with him, he allow some of the team to get away with doing very little, is poor at pulling people up on mistakes, which sometimes are detrimental to vulnerable clients. I feel as though I'm being taken for a mug. Yet part of me keeps thinking that because this is the second time it's happened, it must be me that is to blame ? All I want is a bit of recognition for all the hard work I out in yet he will pick others out for praise who while the day away achieving very little.